Let's Stop Running From Us

next to my fellow

Jacob spent the remainder of the day in contemplation and just like most other times, he found himself getting pissed off that he had been so harsh with Troye. "Fuck," Jacob said when he lifted his phone to look at the time. Troye was scheduled to perform in about 90 minutes and yet there Jacob was, still at home. Jacob stood, patted down his clothes and after determining he was presentable, he grabbed his keys and his wallet and headed out the door.

Jacob parked his car and entered the venue from the back. He walked along the hallways and stopped outside an open door. Inside he saw a very exhausted and nervous looking Troye sitting on the couch with Nash at his feet. It was then that Jacob felt a hand on his back.

"Jacob, hey. You're here," Dani said as Jacob turned to look at her.

Jacob nodded.

Dani sighed and guided Jacob down the hall a bit and into a different room, "Jake, he's been so quiet and on edge, like shaky, all day. I'm worried. It's like he's on the verge of a nervous breakdown or something. Can hardly get a word out of him."

Jacob nodded, "I'll talk to him."

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Dani replied.

"Should I wait until after the concert?" Jacob asked.

"That's probably for the best," Dani answered.

"Ok, well I'll just stay in here until he takes the stage and then I'll head out to watch if that's ok?" Jacob said disappointment in his tone.

"Great, thanks, Jacob," Dani said and exited the room, closing the door most of the way behind her. Jacob waited alone for awhile and finally when he could hear Troye's music cue up from the stage, he headed out to watch the boy perform. Despite the fact that Troye was having a difficult time, thanks to Jacob of course, he was on fire as he performed and Jacob couldn't help but to watch with a smile on his face. That being said, as soon as the concert ended, and Jacob made his way back to find Troye, all he felt was guilt. He began to put together an apology in his head and finally when he came face to face with Troye he opened his mouth to let the words spew out. But, Troye quickly pressed his hand to Jacob's mouth.

"I'm not doing this with you. I am done with your fucking tantrums. You either want to be in a relationship with me or you don't. Just make up your mind and stick to it because if you leave it up to me to decide, I'm walking away right now," Troye calmly explained and then pulled back his hand.

Jacob nodded, "I'm sorry and you're absolutely right, my behavior has been atrocious. Of course I want to be with you. I'm done being an asshole, I promise."

Troye took a deep breath and nodded, "Ok, then let's head home."

Switching it up here a bit

The rest of 2018 proved to be busy for Troye and while the words "I don't love you" in Jacob's voice, often plagued his thoughts, he pushed through to keep going. Despite saying he wasn't going to, Jacob did accompany Troye to Australia and despite the awards shows and Galas they had to attend, they had some down time just to relax. And as much as Troye enjoyed being in Jacob's arms without having to worry about anything else, he couldn't help but feel skeptical. Jacob smiled at him and kissed him and held him tightly and Troye smiled back of course, but he constantly reminded himself that he and Jacob had been here before and this time he wasn't going to let his guard down and be blindsided by Jacob once again deciding that what they had wasn't good enough. Truth is, Troye wanted to believe it was good enough. He wanted to believe what they were experiencing was real, Bloom couldn't be a lie- it really couldn't be because he did really really love Jacob a lot and he was sure Jacob loved him as well. Relationships were work though and they both had to get better with the effort they put into it. Speaking of work, while in Australia Troye got word that his song "Revelation" was nominated for a Golden Globe. The feeling was unreal and as soon as the texts came informing him of the nomination he turned in bed to tell Jacob and then hesitated. He worried that it'd turn into another moment of being accused of thrusting himself into the spotlight and making things about him. Inside he was so elated and he didn't want those feelings to be killed, at least not yet. But, at the same time he couldn't keep the news from Jacob so it was almost in an apologetic tone that he told his boyfriend of the nomination. Luckily, Jacob responded positively and hugged him and kissed him and told him how proud he was of him, but Troye couldn't help but to question the depth of Jacob's words and well who could blame him. As mentioned before, they've been here before and Troye knew it was only a matter of time before things blew up again.  Troye was hesitant to get too comfortable, but at the same time he did want to become more comfortable with himself which is why he was thrilled to recolor his hair back to its original caramel toned curls and it felt so so so good to be back and he couldn't help but wonder why he didn't think to do this sooner. Jacob seemed to love it too. He gasped when Troye walked in the house with his new, or would you say old?, look and that night it was as if Jacob couldn't keep his hands out of Troye's hair as Troye rode him hard and fast. It felt so good and Troye felt so loved, but a few days later after, ringing in the New Year, the boys had their next disagreement.