Let's Stop Running From Us

just pressing rewind

Time was flying and May swept in before Jacob even realized that April was almost over. Sure, he was quite occupied- moving back home with Troye and all- but, he was occupied mainly by Troye and Troye's stuff and he began to feel a bit suffocated, it just felt like he wasn't living for himself at all. Troye didn't seem to notice though. He was loving life. May brought the release of his song Bloom, and when he teased about it being about bottoming people went nuts. He also got to attend the MET Gala and while Jacob did get to accompany him to NYC, the invite didn't extend to him so instead he spent the evening living vicariously through Troye via texts, which became a bit more incoherent as the night went on as Troye obviously had more and more to drink.  Jacob felt awful because he was jealous of his boyfriend for being apart of something so huge, which might have been the main reason why when Troye got back to the hotel that night, Jacob pretended to already be asleep. He stopped responding to Troye's texts about an hour and a half before. He heard Troye sigh deeply when he entered the room to seemingly find Jacob asleep, but he just didn't have it in him to entertain Troye's stories of living large any longer that night.

And Jacob felt like a dick, but the rest of the month seemed to be much more of the same. It was funny because no longer was he fighting or fucking Troye, instead he was repressing his own feelings, while putting on a fake smile, and of course still fucking Troye. Troye was as energized as ever and rightfully so, more interviews and photo shoots seemed to fall into his lap. And then of course Troye's cover for Out magazine, which featured his interview with Sir Elton John, came out and Troye essentially seemed to be crowned as gay royalty and Jacob found himself wondering how much simpler life would be if he hadn't ever met Troye. Is it worth mentioning that Troye even almost forgot his birthday?

That being said, Jacob was quick to jump on getting a night out with some friends sans Troye. Even if that night comprised of sitting on Tommy Dorfman's couch like a zombie. "What's wrong?"Jacob's friend Marc asked. Jacob laid his head down into Marc's lap.

"I feel like I'm drowning in Troye," Jacob sighed.

Marc laughed, "What does that even mean?"

Jacob groaned, "Everything in my life revolves around him right now. It's like oh Troye has an interview, so we go and then we have sex. Oh Troye has a photo shoot, so I tag along and then we go home and have sex, oh Troye has to plan his next video..."

"And then you have sex?" Tommy laughed.

Jacob scoffed, "The fucking MET gala, Troye got to attend and I sat in the hotel room like a mom waiting for their kid to come home. And when he came back I pretended to be sleeping."

"Jake, in all seriousness," Marc said, "that doesn't sound healthy."

"I know it doesn't! And I'm frustrated as fuck as the only thing going for us right now is sex and I don't think Troye realizes that. His head is so far up in the clouds with his pop star bullshit that he doesn't recognize the fact that we aren't actually living this life together. I'm living his life with him and only being acknowledged when we are in bed."

"So talk to him," Tommy chimed in.

"I can't. He will think I'm just jealous."

"You kind of are," Marc replied.

Jacob looked up at Marc, "It's not normal to be jealous of your boyfriend, right?"

Marc shook his head.

"What is wrong with me? I should be happy for him. OH and to top it all off, Taylor Swift invited him to sing one of his songs with her at the Rose Bowl in a few days," Jacob complained.