Let's Stop Running From Us

the stars are falling

It was late when Troye and Connor returned home and traveling half way across the world was always exhausting. Troye was looking forward to snuggling up next to his boyfriend in bed, without his siblings and parents moving all throughout the house. It was bittersweet really, as exciting as it was to return home, it also marked the final hours that Troye would get to spend with Connor before heading out for tour.

This is why Troye was especially annoyed when mere minutes after the boys returned home, there was a knock at the door. Troye quickly swung open the door and saw Kian and JC standing there with a case of beer in tow. "What the fuck?" Troye exclaimed. His tone was rather harsh, but could you blame him? The last thing he expected was to have to entertain guests after they spent longer than half of a day on an airplane. "Well, Happy New Year to you too." Kian said as he and JC slipped past Troye. Troye turned and watched the boys move over to hug Connor and greet him with 'happy new years!' Troye repeated his sentiment looking directly at Connor, "What THE fuck, Con?" Connor rolled his eyes. "Don't be so dramatic Troye." Troye's mouth hung wide open. "We spent New Years with your friends and family and now it's my turn. Besides, I don't think I have to ask permission for my friends to stop by my apartment." Realizing his words probably came out a little harsher than he expected, Connor eased his stance a bit and said, "Sorry, babe. I didn't mean that. I just didn't think you'd have a problem with it." Troye shrugged his shoulders, moved into the room, walked passed Connor and headed for the bedroom. Connor groaned, and motioning to Kian and JC that he would be right back, he followed Troye down the hall.

Connor found Troye with his back to the bedroom door, his hands gripping the dresser in front of the mirror, eyes cast down to the floor. Considering that Connor was somewhat tired, he decided he was in no mood to go down this path with his boyfriend and his friends. At least not tonight."There's no need to be such a bitch to my friends, Troye... what the hell is the problem anyways?"

Troye's knuckles turned white as he gripped the dresser tighter. "The problem, Con," his voice came out harsh. "Is that I am leaving in less than two fucking days and I was hoping to spend time with my fucking boyfriend and all he wants to do is fucking down cheap beer with his friends who won't be touring the country for the next couple months." Troye turned to look at Connor. "The problem is," his voice softening a bit. "I fucking love you so much it hurts and yet aside from a blow job in a shed and a quick hand job concealed by a damn beach towel, I don't get you." Troye's shoulders slumped forward. "The problem is," Troye choked back tears. "You don't even seem to fucking notice how bad it hurts me that all I need is you and yet you continue to fill our days with other people, other things, just a whole bunch of other stuff."

Connor stared at his boyfriend in disbelief and he could no longer contain his emotions. Unfortunately, it was anger that Connor chose to respond with. "Get over yourself, Troye!" he yelled. He actually fucking yelled. "Do you really think you are the only one hurting here? Sure maybe YOU aren't getting the attention that YOU want," Connor moved towards Troye. "But, you're the one who is leaving me for all that time. You're the one who decided that you wanted to share your record with the whole God Damn world and you didn't once ask me if I was ok with it. So ya, I am here hanging with other people and doing other things, but I need to make sure there is still a life here for me after you leave to frolic across stage after stage following your dreams. Don't be so selfish! FUCK!" At this point Connor was standing just a couple inches in front of Troye. Troye's eyes grew wide and tears began to stream down his cheeks. Connor turned his back to Troye and more calmly stated, "I really don't want to see you right now, you selfish asshole. I am going to go back out there, and spend time with Kian and JC. You can do whatever the fuck you please." With that, Connor left the room.

As soon as Troye heard the bedroom door click closed, he grasped his chest and worked on evening out his breath. 'Selfish,' he thought. Connor thinks that he is selfish? 'Am I really selfish?' Suddenly Troye felt alone. He crawled over to the bed and hesitated to sit down. "This is Connor's apartment," he said to himself. "This is Connor's bed. These Connor's pillows. Connor's blankets. It's all Connor's." Troye looked down at himself and bit his lips fighting back a sob. "And yet here I am feeling sorry for myself after all Connor has done, after opening his home to me," Troye spoke aloud. "Fuck. I really am selfish." Troye let out a shaky breath. Removing one pillow from the bed, Troye placed it on the floor, far away from the bedroom door. Troye pulled on his black oversized jumper, tugged the hood over his curls and rested his head on the pillow on the floor. He tucked each hand entirely into his sleeves and begged for sleep to come. From where he laid, Troye could hear his phone pinging with new messages, but he just didn't have it in him to move. Trekking through Connor's room at this hour seemed like even more of an intrusion than simply laying where he was. He curled into himself, trying to take up as little space as possible, focused on the sounds of cars that drove by and slowly drifted off to sleep.