Ziall- not that kind of intelligent (AU) [engl]

2K 58 12
                                    

As requested: another English os AND another pairing:) thank you Hasenkind687 :)

~~~~~~

I smiled and watched him dance happily, grinning because he was dancing with a beautiful woman. That was when Louis approached me and lightly put his hand on my shoulder.
"You know you look sad when you think he doesn't see your, right?"
"I am smiling.", I stated, not very surprised he didn't believe that gesture.
"I know.", he said. "But still."

I shook my head trying to free myself from the mass of emotions I was feeling. "This is your wedding and I do not intend to interrupt your... happiness." I smiled again, but this time I meant it. Not in a "I am fine" way, but more in a "I want this day to be a perfect day for you" way.
"Stop. You're not going to play the martyr, not on my wedding day! Go and talk to him!"
I took a deep breath and turned around. "I am leaving."

As I started walking it took Louis a few seconds to follow me, in which I was able to reach the table I was supposed to sit and chat with Louis' and Harry's cousins. "Zayn, wait!" I wasn't turning around. The best man was supposed to be the only emotional constant. Not a variable. Right now I was feeling more and more and I didn't want to deal with it on the wedding of my best friend.

Before reaching the door I stopped and turned around.
Louis stood by the table, looking at me, at my strange behavior and at my pain and I knew I needed to talk to him or someone, but-

"Are you leaving?"

I turned around in panick. Niall. Right before me. Smiling. When did he leave the dance floor and... Mary? Christine?

"I... I planned to, yes.", I answered.

"And why aren't you? What made you rethink your intention?" He was mocking my way of talking and I loved it.

"Nothing. You are simply blocking my way."

He smiled a bit, but my face was frozen. "Well, then... ask me out."

"Excuse me?"

"Ask me to move.", he repeated, but I wasn't certain if I really misunderstood him or if he was playing with me. One way or another he was totally winning the conversation.

"I am sorry.", I said slowly. "Would you mind moving, please?" He laughed. "No, but I'll walk with you.", he ordered and opened the door for us. I followed him disquieted. The location was truly beautiful. Big, open, old and classic chic. It was clear that Harry picked that, while Louis picked the musicians. They where good, though.

"So. It was nice seeing you again.", Niall said as soon as we left the building and attended the small alley. "More like 'interesting'.", I muttered, but Niall heard that. I knew he was smiling. It was as if I was able to feel that. "Why?", he asked. "Why what?" I played dump. But I wasn't. We both knew that for sure. "Why you think seeing me was interesting, not nice."
"You know I like to pick words others would not.", I answered.
"Yeah, but still. We didn't meet for a long time, did we? I think the last time was Harry's 20th birthday which is, what, 4 years away?" I nodded. Four years, ten months and seventeen days. I had a thing for numbers, especially dates and super fast counting.
"I think so.", I answered, which made Niall laugh. "Oh, c'mon! I know you know the exact amount of time. Mind sharing?"
I smiled. "Four years, ten months and seventeen days." He stopped walking and looked at me softly. "I always admired that. Being able to remember dates so fast, to guess distances or... I dont know. Do maths at all I guess." I raised one eyebrow and took out a cigarette. He recognized the tabac and his expression changed. "Still smoking?"
"I did stop for a while." I lit it.
"Why did you start again?"
"Because I wanted to."
He nodded and smiled again. "Why were you leaving, Zayn?" I shrugged. "I am not the person for parties." At least not anymore. I was 26 and all of my party nights ended with me being exposed in some kind of way. "I meant: why were you leaving without saying hello?"

That was the question I was waiting for. Niall watched me concentrated, as if he tried to catch every movement I did that was a hint to what I was thinking. "Why would I?", I answered. "I know what you think of... us." He suddenly looked impressively sad. Impressive because it looked so truthful I wondered how he contained this much sadness the whole time. "You are highly intelligent, and you didn't even once think I could have lied to you?" I tried to overcome the urge of vomiting.
"You know I am not that type of intelligent.", I said quietly.
He laughed out of frustration and distanced himself a bit from me, taking a few steps. "Yes, yes I know! You have absolutely no social skills and you drink a little to much when you aren't working to capacity. And you smoke when you try to deal with emotional stress and you- you... You know where I know that from?" He laughed, still not in a happy way. "Of course you know that, that was a rhetorical question, please don't answer it. I know that because I am in love with you, and I was 6 years ago when we where in school together, and I was when you got diagnosed with your intelligence-thing and I just- I don't understand how someone this intelligent can be this stupid!"

I realized I didn't even once take a pull on the cigarette I lit. I let it fall on the ground and smashed it with my foot. "I was jealous.", I said then. Niall was taken off-guard with that and he stuttered: "What?"
I smiled.
"I saw you with that beautiful girl and I was jealous. That was why I was leaving. I didn't know how to deal with you anymore. Ignoring is not a possibility on a wedding, as it turns out." He chuckled, but I continued.

"I am sorry, you know what, I- I just dont know how to deal with emotions. In... in general. Not just my own, but also those of others. But I am not... numb, not in any way. I feel things, I like things and I dislike things, and what I strongly dislike is feeling something like what I feel for you." I looked to the sky for a quick pause. I catched my breath. I felt like running. "Because it influences my whole body. I can't breathe when you are not with me, and when you are with me I cant breath either, but in a different way. And my palms get sweaty when you say things like 'I admire that' because I try not to panic because I do not have an appropriate answer for that. I- you know, I... I just want it to go away. To vanish from sight and to vaporize into the air right from my skin." I paused again, catching my breath. I felt tears in my eyes, but they felt as ridiculous as overdramatic. "And the unsettling thing is: when you told me you didn't love me... I wasn't relieved. I mean I should have been, because I hated loving you, but... It just hurt. And I realized loving is not the worst thing in the world. It only is when it is not returned." I felt a tear dropping from my chin and laughed a little. "This is so dramatic." Niall laughed and softly swiped the other tears from my face. "This is a gay wedding, Zayn. I would be disappointed if your speech would've been normal." He leaned in.

"I dont know what you mean.", I whispered. He smiled. "I know." And then he kissed me.

I didn't know what to do I just somehow stood there and tried to stop my brain from thinking for once. And it worked. Until it didn't work anymore. That was when he pulled out. As if the wall holding back the flood broke in. "Don't panic, okay?", he said, halfway smiling.
"I am trying my best not to.", I assured and we laughed a little.
"You are the only riddle I can't understand, you know that?", I said then.
Niall smiled, but still asked: "Isn't every emotional creature something you dont understand?"

I shook my head, smiling. "I am not autistic, Niall. I just lack a bit of...empathy I guess. That's a character issue, I apologize for that." He laughed. "But I promise you, you are the only person that I dont understand, because when I see you I can't analyze how you walk or move or talk or behave... I am only able to look into your eyes."

His smile faded, but ina loving, happy and emotional way. For a second I feared he would start crying. But then he leaned in and kissed me again. "For someone who can't deal with love, you really are good with putting it into words."

And that is the weird and (for me) stressing story of how Niall became my boyfriend. And I am grateful for that every day.

-----

Okay, ich gebs ja zu. Ich schaue vielleicht ein biiiiisschen zu viel Sherlock in letzter Zeit.

Aber ihr könnt mir nicht erzählen, dass das nicht ein herzerwärmender OS war! :)

Meinungen und Kritik wie immer in die Kommentare :)

Und wer noch Fragen für das "ask the author" hat, darf die gerne auch noch stellen :)

AOF

PS: Der OS ist unkontrolliert, also... MAY CONTAIN MISTAKES (grammatically and language-wise)

One Direction: Another OS BxB - Book (80% Larry)Wo Geschichten leben. Entdecke jetzt