Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

Mute Angel from Heaven

A suggestion could be...

"The strawberry blonde girl is tall but shorter than me by 6 inches..."

I hope this helps. By doing this, you are joining three simple sentences together and avoiding monotonous ones.

(Chapter Two)

"No, my vocal cords were removed when I was younger. I show him my phone screen so he can read."

I think you could swap these sentences over and put the second sentence before the first. I feel like it will be easier to read that way.

My suggestion...

"I show him my phone screen, so he can read. No, my vocal cords were removed when I was younger."

                                                                     ✿

Your example...

"He just reads you to text him the address."

I think this is a typo. You meant "He just needs you to text him the address."

Punctuation

(Chapter One)

Your example...

"I hurry in the car, to get protection from the pelting rain."

I feel like the comma isn't needed here. What do you think?

                                                                   ✿

Your example...

"Don't tell me to chill. Get out," I get out and slam the door."

There is no need for the comma at the end, but rather should be replaced with a full stop.

My suggestion would be this...

"Don't tell me to chill. Get out." I get out and slam the door."

I think the case here is to double-check your punctuation. You sometimes put the comma in the right place, and other times you use a full stop when there should be a comma.

                                                                ✿

Your example...

"I'll be working late." he says..."

Here you just need to swap the full stop for a comma.

"I'll be working late," he says..."

                                                                 ✿

Your example...

"I-I'm calling you father." he stammers..."

I'm sure these are typos, but there should be a comma instead of a full stop.

Here is my suggestion...

"I-I'm calling your father," he stammers..."

(Chapter Three)

Your example...

"I already checked my pockets so I check the coffee table in the living room, between the couch cushions, and at last find it under the couch."

The comma is in the wrong place. If you change the position of the comma, you can then change the second part to sound clearer.

My suggestion would be...

"I already checked my pockets, so I can check the coffee table in the living room. At last, I find it under the couch."

                                                               ✿

A quick tip- Whenever you use "my dad" the d should be lower case.

Whenever you use "dad" in your sentences, the d should be capitalised.

"I remember Dad said..."

Character Development-

Jace is the true definition of a bad boy. I love his fun side, especially in the principal's office. He doesn't let any authority figure get under his skin.

Jace is described as being a bad boy, yet he wants to tidy his friend's apartment because it's messy. Using the dishwasher and vacuum doesn't seem bad for a bad-boy vibe. Maybe you can explain why he likes to be tidy. Some people have OCD with cleaning. I just find it a little odd that he just got expelled for pulling a stunt, and then he wants to clean.

He shows off his softer side with his sister, Izzy. I love their relationship. Very believable.

I like how you introduced Brooke and her disability. The only thing I would say is to start a new paragraph every time somebody new speaks. That way, it will be easier to read. Instead of having three people speak in one chunk.

Overall Enjoyment-

I quite enjoyed the chapters I read. I think it just needs some fleshing out. For example, I wanted to hear more about the movie night and what happened in detail.

I couldn't spot many grammatical issues. Your main focus should be with punctuation and to make sure to proofread your work before publishing. I noticed a few easy mistakes.

Other than that, well done and great job with what you have written so far.

Feel free to not take my suggestions, but if you do, I hope you find them useful.

Thank you for letting me review your book. Please check "Mute Angel from Heaven" if you've got time.