Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

Warriors stars of Blood

This is just an example, but your sentence is incomplete. You just need to flesh it out a bit.

(Chapter One)

This sentence is incomplete as you finish abruptly on gentle. Her paws filled with gentle what?

Your example...

"The white cat's eye was full of love and her paws filled with gentle."

A suggestion could be...

"The white cat showed love and kindness within her eyes. Her gentle paw brushed her cheek."

I would suggest removing the gentle paw part or to try and incorporate it in the text for it to make sense. I tried with my suggestion.

Remember that "your" and "you're" are different.

Your example...

"Your not allowed in it if Sandstar didn't give you permission."

It should be...

"You're not allowed in it if Sandstar didn't give you permission."

I don't know if you know the difference, but here is my tip.

You're= you are

Your= it belongs to you. (Is this your sock)

Sorry if you already knew the difference.

(Chapter Two)

Your example...

"She bit her downer lips lightly."

Again, my suggestion would be...

"She bit her bottom lip lightly."

                                                                 ✿

"A small mew jumped the white queen."

Did you mean the queen was scared?

Or the queen jumped?

Or the mew jumped over the queen?

My suggestion would be...

"A small mew jumped over the queen."

Punctuation

(Chapter Two)

Your example...

"The crystal blue eyes stared directly at the white furred queen. But the queen remained silent."

Instead of having two separate sentences, you can join them together with a comma.

Here would be my suggestion...

"The crystal blue eyes stared directly at the white-furred queen, but she remained silent."

Character Development-

(Introduction into story)

I like that you added in a special chapter dedicated to explaining about Warriors. I had no idea what it was about. It's actually quite interesting to read about their clans and the names that are given to them. A lot of readers will be relieved as you explained it with ease.

I couldn't write much on character development as I'm unfamiliar with this fanfiction. So, I felt it would be unfair to talk about each kit because I don't know their personalities enough.

Overall Enjoyment-

I have to be honest, I found it hard to follow along. I think that's because I'm not a follower of "Warriors."

Just because I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would, doesn't mean it's bad. You need a specific target audience to read your book, the ones that love cats or are knowledgeable about "Warriors."

Your main focus should be on grammar. Some of your sentences weren't as clear as they could be, which made it hard to follow along.

I would suggest reading the text aloud as you write. Does each sentence make sense?

It may make sense to you as the writer, but you want to ensure that each reader will understand as they are reading from scratch.

I didn't focus much on punctuation because it wasn't as bad. There were just a few commas missing to separate sentences which could be made into longer ones.

I found Grammarly helpful, although it's not always 100% efficient. Use it as a guide. If you type on a document like Microsoft Word, this program also picks up some simple errors.

Don't give up writing.

Feel free to not take my suggestions, but if you do, I hope you find them useful.

Thank you for letting me review your book. Please check "Warriors stars of Blood" if you've got time.