Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

Death in the Woods

"As she ran, she tried to get her phone out of her pocket and call for help."

This sentence combines the two sentences together for it to make sense.

"From the shadows, he watched her. He saw her cry out for help but let her shout all she wanted..."

A suggestion could be this...

"From within the shadows, he observed her silently as she cried for help."

I think this could bring more suspense and that eerie vibe.

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"He knew that they would be no one coming."

This sentence is grammatically wrong. You used "they" instead of "there."

My suggestion...

"He knew that there would be nobody coming, and her voice became weaker as time passed."

Please feel free to take my suggestions if you so wish.

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"He liked to have fun in the chase, watching as his victims run and scream for help."

This sentence is good. You just have to remember that you are writing in the past tense. "scream" is present.

The past would be "screamed."

"run" should be "ran" in this sense.

A suggestion could be...

"He liked to have fun in the chase, watching as his victims ran and screamed for help."

(Don't worry, tenses are hard. I found it a struggle as I kept switching from past to present)

"She stopped in her tracks and bringing her hands to her neck,"

Again, "bringing" is the present tense. I would suggest using "brought."

So, it will look like this.

"She stopped in her tracks and brought her hands to her neck,"

"...looked up to see who it was but the person was wearing a black mask..."

"wearing" and "smiling" can be changed to "wore" and "smiled."

A suggestion here could be...

"...looked up to see who it was but the person wore a black mask and smiled down at her."

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"It wanted more,"

Did you mean him? "He wanted more,"

"It enjoyed the way the blood splashed on his face."

A suggestion could be to change "it" into a pronoun.

"He enjoyed the way the blood splashed on his face."

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"Winston High was not a school that you would wanting to go late."