Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

SACRED THE ORIGINALS

This whole paragraph is a long run-on sentence. You can try splitting it up with commas and full stops.

A suggestion could be...

"I'm studying human psychology hoping to get a degree, but to keep my body and soul together I have to work."

Then you can follow it on with this paragraph.

"Guess what! I work at the city's most famous place "Rousseau's" as a bartender where my phone is being annoying with the continuous text messages from my colleagues."

Another example is...

"...being her best friend from the time we're in diapers it's my duty to always irritate her, annoy her and embarrass her specially in front of boys!"

A suggestion could be...

"...being her best friend from the time we're in diapers, it's my duty to always irritate her, annoy her and embarrass her especially in front of boys!"

When using said as a dialogue tag, there should be a comma after the text and before the word said.

These are your examples.

"...play this game with them." said Talia..."

"...and I would be the one doing the honours." said Camille gingerly."

A suggestion could look like these examples.

"...play this game with them," said Talia."

"...and I would be the one doing the honours," said Camille gingery."

I would change "on the stage was a tall dark skinned man with a glowing perfect white smile" to "on the stage was a tall, dark-skinned man with glowing white teeth"

"In order to shut there mouth, Along with pouring drinks Talia said,"

A suggestion here would be to change "there" to "their" because they are two completely different words that sound the same, but with different meanings.

"In order to shut their mouths, along with pouring drinks, Talia said,"

"...my beastie Camille..."

A suggestion would be "...my bestie Camille..."

"What's going in this world!."

A suggestion would be... "What's going on in this world!"

(Please note that there shouldn't be a full stop with the exclamation mark.)

"Marcel is sitting in a bar, drinking. Klaus enters."

I feel like this can be written in bold or written in italics with brackets as it is more like a narrative note that you often see in plays which set the scene. Again, it's totally up to you.

Character Development-

I love the dialogue between Talia and Camille. There are certain parts which I can imagine Camille saying, but you still manage to make the character your own.

You do a good job showing the tension between Marcel and Klaus. They are old friends that go back a long way but always found it hard to put their differences behind them.

The story shows a good pace between the characters as Talia meets Klaus at the end of chapter one. This sets up the next chapter quite nicely.

This may not be related to character development, but I loved how you started chapter two with historical facts. It helps the reader paint a clear picture of New Orleans and what it could be like.

Talia seems bubbly and down to earth. I love how she gets flustered when she engages with Klaus.

I think it's a nice prospect to see Marcel with Cami since he doesn't seem to have any luck with relationships in the TV show.

Klaus uses Deigo to find more information about Marcel and what he is up too. He wants New Orleans back in his power and will do anything it takes to become ruler again. Plus the fact he is jealous of Deigo's relationship with Talia and jealously on Klaus isn't flattering. We all know where that ends.

Overall Enjoyment-

I don't normally like images within chapters, but with fanfiction, it works. You selected the best fitting GIF with the content of the chapter.

I started reading your book before I re-read it for the review, and I loved it. I believe your book has potential, but your main focus would be to re-read and check spelling, punctuation, capital letters for names etc.

Keep writing, and I will sure continue to read.

Feel free to not take my suggestions, but if you do, I hope you find them useful.

Thank you for letting me review your book. Please check "SACRED THE ORIGINALS" if you've got time.