Problem Kid

Chapter 31

"Come on boy! Get up! Get up!" I call out to my horse, standing in my stirrups as I urge him into a borderline gallop before losing my balance and almost falling off. My hands grip to the saddle, my body sliding off the left side slowly.
"HALT!" I scream, pulling his reigns with my teeth as hard as I can until he slows down into a fast walk and eventually a full stop. As Sam catches up, so does he.
"You ok?" He asks, stopping beside us as I slide off of the horse.
"I'm good, I just nearly fell off though. Lost my balance," He nods as I fix the saddle which is slightly lopsided before apologising to Nightmare and leading him over to a rock where I could mount again.
"Thanks boy," I whisper before using my crop and feet to get him into a walk again.
"Should we head back? It's been like half an hour?" I ask and Sam nods.
"Sure! We need to go back to the hospital to get you discharged in a bit. I told Jack to phone them earlier so we will have to see what they said. Of course, we have to collect your stuff," I nod, nudging Nightmare to catch up with Sam who is just in front of us on his beautiful mare who lets out a small huff.
"Sam, thank you," I say, looking straight ahead with happy tears in my eyes.
"It's okay," he says before speeding up slightly and going into a faster trot. I copy and we maintain this for a short while before stopping at the stream fairly near to the stables to allow the horses a drink. Sam's horse goes up to the water with no problem, drinking happily however as soon as I get near the lake, Nightmare attempts to turn away however I turn him back around, confused, however when I try to lead him back to the water, he lets out a loud whinny before bucking. I grip to him for my life as he falls back down onto his hooves, snorting and shaking his head. He takes some steps back as I shush him, patting his neck gently with my arms still clinging to him.
"It's ok buddy, it's ok," I whisper until finally, his eyes relax and his ears stick up normally again. Once his breathing is back to normal, I take him for a few paces around until finally, Sam is done with his mare and he returns to my side. We begin our short trot back to the gate which we open, enter and then close again before taking our horses back to their own stables. I dismount Nightmare outside his, clipping him to the bar on the wall whilst I de-tack him. I lead him into the stable for a moment, locking the door before patting his neck and walking off to find a bucket of water and a sponge and then a brush.
I locate them easily near the resources area, taking them back to his stables and using the bucket to damp him and brush him off since the hot weather would be harder for him with his dark coat. I then brush him gently all over before taking off his bridle and reigns. I place my forehead on his and we stare into each other's eyes for a moment, silently. With a small kiss on his nose, I whisper bye before hugging him firmly, sneaking him a polo I had stolen from a packet at the resource cupboards and leaving quietly, making sure to lock the stable door but leave his hatch open. He sticks his head out, neighing a loud goodbye as I walk off, my riding boots clicking on the stone floor with my crop in one hand.
"Hey! How was your ride?" Asks Sara as I walk up to her at the kit store.
"Good, Thanks! I'll have the money for Nightmare with you by the end of the week if that's ok? I need to see when I'm home," she shakes her head.
"No need! He's fully paid for over the next 6 months. Your friend, Sam payed it!" My mouth makes an 'O' shape in surprise.
"He seems really nice!" She smiles and I nod.
"He's amazing!" I laugh in happy shock, slowly taking off my borrowed riding hat and boots before handing them back to her with a thank you.
"I'm just going for a quick walk. If he asks where I am just say I'll be at the car in 5!" I say before hugging her.
"Thank you for everything! Text me! Byeeee!" I smile before walking off into the field we had just ridden in. I walk behind a bunch of bushes where I hide, taking my cigarette and lighter out of my bra. I place the death stick between my teeth, lighting it and taking a puff. The lighter goes back into my bra as I smoke it, walking slowly back towards the car parking area of the stables which is only a few minutes minutes away. I stare at the ground as I walk, imagining going back home again and moving out with a wistful look on my face until suddenly I am stopped and the cigarette I had been slowly puffing on is taken from my hand.
"Hey!" I yell in anger before meeting Sam's frustrated and upset eyes and looking down.
"I was only half finished..." I muttered.
"Ev, come on! How long have you been smoking?" He asks and I sigh.
"About two years?" I shrug.
"Oh, Thanks for the horse payment by the way! You're a legend! I love ya!" I change the subject, hugging him tightly as he puts out the cigarette against the brick wall beside us and hugs me back.
"You're not using these anymore. I'll get you a vape but it'll be 0 nicotine and that's final!" I sigh and nod, looking at my shoes as we walk back.
"Do you have any more?" I stick my hand down my bra, taking out the cigarettes silently and placing them all into his hands.
"Wow, Ev.... why?" He asks and I shrug.
"Sorry," I murmur and he shakes his head.
"It's not your fault," he pats my back as we turn into the car park and head back to the Range Rover where Jimmy, Summer, Jack and Maya all stand.
"Hey!" Maya hugs me and Summer rushes up to me as I get back, telling me I'm about to pass out. I sigh, getting into the car with a small grin and strapping myself in before laying against the window and closing my eyes.
"See y'all in a bit," I say with a small chuckle before passing out, my dog's head on my lap with Jimmy who chose to sit directly beside me this time.

"I don't know... maybe we can ease into it? I know she's struggling..." I hear Jimmy's voice when I wake up. I decide to pretend I'm still out to hear the conversation which is clearly about me.
"Alright But we need to try and get her on higher calorie intakes. She's dangerously thin. We'll go somewhere that has meals with at least 800 calories, ok? There's a nice place here," I hear Jimmy agree and as the car stops and turns a few times. I open my eyes slowly.
"Where are we?" I cough.
"We're getting lunch. You ready?" I nod.
"Ok," I say quietly before stepping out of the car. Summer strolls into the shop beside me. I walk up to the counter and instantly pick out my food, acting enthusiastic as the others come in. It's a cheap and small burger restaurant which has multiple selections of food. I hold back my self hatred, choosing a double cheese and bacon burger with sweet potato fries and a Diet Coke. At first Jimmy protests against it however I tell him I hate the sugary drink and he relents, paying for the food and leading me back to the table where I sit down silently.
"Ev, you can't go to the toilet for an hour after food so I guess you should go now?" Jack suggests and I nod, leaving Summer behind tucked under the table.
"I'll be back," I murmur, leaving my dog bag there and wandering into the small toilets in the back.
The tiles are dirty and cracked, their once white colouring now a mould patched grey. The taps on the sink drip and don't turn off when I try to close the faucet more. The toilet wobbles when I sit on it, the bowl creaking and the toilet seat half missing. There is no lid and toilet paper litters the floor so as I walk, I make sure to avoid it. I sit on the seat silently before rolling up my sleeve and slipping out my small blade. First, I mark my arms as many times as I can before moving to my legs, going from thigh to foot and then my chest, covering old scars along with my stomach and sides. Even the back of my legs and arms are marked after my session. As tears roll down my face, I attack myself angrily allowing the blood from my arms to fall into the sink. I wrap the rest of my body in bandages which I had snuck into my pocket after making the last marks all over my hands. I don't care if they see. In fact, I wrap the blade in tissue after cleaning it and once I'm bandaged in most places (including hands) I walk out and place it on the table in front of Sam where we sit. Maya is in the other toilet.
"Ev? He notices my bandages and then understands what the item wrapped in the paper is. With a sigh, he helps me up and walks me outside into a small side ally beside the shop where, away from public, he talks to me.
"Show me your arms," he says and I sigh, stepping back so my whole body is hidden by two large bins either side of me before taking off my cardigan and vest. He inhales sharply at the sight of my whole upper body covered in bandages and cuts before I put the top items of clothing on and remove my shoes, socks and leggings. I notice him wince before I cover myself again and he sighs, not speaking.
"I'm sorry. I had to. One last time. Honestly, it's the last time," he nods.
"I understand. Look... I've not been all honest with you either, Everleigh," He sighs before suddenly pulling off his shirt. His torso contains some small scratches however his arms have quite a few cuts scattered around. He sighs.
"My mum died two weeks ago," he says bluntly and my hand covers my mouth, tears in my eyes.
"I'm sorry..." I whisper before taking him in my arms. I ignore the intense pain it takes to move, holding him tightly as he cries a little.
"It's gonna be ok..." He nods.
"Yeah... I'm sorry I didn't tell you," he whispers and I shake my head.
"Don't be sorry. Did the funeral happen?" He nods.
"You sent her away the best way you could. It's ok. You only had a relapse and you know you can get back up and keep going. We can do this together," he nods again, sniffing and wiping his eyes.
"I'm sorry you have to deal with my shit the whole time... I'm sorry. Don't worry about me. I'm going clean," I say, holding my head up determined.
"You can do it," he says with a small smile.
"So can you," he says and I nod.
"Let's go inside. Food should be here," he pats my shoulder and I sigh.
"Ok," I murmur.
"Can I just have a couple more minutes alone? I'll be fast," he nods and leaves after I hug him tightly once more. However he didn't notice my hand slip into his pocket, pulling out my lighter and one cigarette. As I leaves I lean against the wall and close my eyes before placing the stick between my teeth and lighting it up, taking a deep drag on it.
"Fuck, I'm gonna miss these," I mutter groggily, taking in all of the flavour I can and gently blowing out clouds of smoke until finally, I'm out. After dropping the butt of it on the floor, I turn away and wander back inside slowly, a small smile on my face.
I'm doing this.

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EDITED