Problem Kid

Chapter 72

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Once that appointment is finished, we head to the 4th floor for my appointment with the mental health team. Once we're up there and signed in I tell Sam I'm going to use the toilet, leaving Summer with him. Once I'm in there and the door is locked I can finally let it out. I sit on the floor and bury my head in my hands and sob. The tears are running free, my hands cover my mouth to stifle the noise as much as possible. I cry for about 5 minutes before I finally begin to pull myself together. I stand up and look in the mirror. I can see parts of my eyeliner running so I try to clean that up as much as I can before heading back out. I know my eyes are puffy but I don't care. I sit back in my chair next to Sam with a sigh. His hand rests on top of mine.

"It's okay," is all he says. I nod back at him. It's okay.

"Everleigh!" The doctor calls out to me and I wheel myself over. Sam waits outside again.

"So, how's things been!" The doctor is way too cheerful to work with depressed people.

"It's been... I don't know... Okay?" It isn't meant to be a question but I don't know anymore.

"I see. Let's be more specific. How's the alcohol intake been?" I look down at my lap.

"Okay-ish... I had a bit of a blip but I guess it's ok now. I went on a date night with Jimmy but I was stressing before so I ended up having half a bottle of vodka and then quite a lot of wine at the date but I've not had anything else since," he nods as I speak, writing it down on his little notebook.

"Well it's good you've not had anything since then. Blips happen and that's okay. How about your self harm? Thoughts and actions?"

"I haven't cut or anything. I've wanted to a lot but I haven't done it. I'm trying to stay clean and be better. My wounds are all mostly healed now too," he smiles as I finish.

"That's great! Good job?" I smile falsely.

"Suicidal thoughts?" He asks next.

"I have them but I don't want to act on them. They're just... There..." Summer looks up at me and I stroke her head.

"That's good you're keeping safe. How do you feel about your medication at the moment?" I shrug.

"It's ok I guess. It just is what it is," he nods.

"Alright, no changes for now then. That's everything!"

We finish talking and going through my care plan and then we're done. I'm happy to leave, these meetings are useless anyway.

Once we get out, Sam mentions sushi. Part of me wants to say no and just find a safe option at home but I know I can't do that if I want to get better. I agree to going and we get into the car and drive off. It's not too far away so it doesn't take long for us to get there. I leave my wheelchair in the car since we're parked in the disability bay right in front of the restaurant. We go inside and sit at a table. Once we're settled, we open our menues. My heart sinks.

Written next to every single item are the calories in the dish. I turn the page over hoping to find at least one section without the stats however there's no luck. Everything has it. When I look up, I know there's panic in my eyes. Sam is looking over at me with a knowing look.

"Hey, it's okay Ev. We can go somewhere else if you want?" Tears are welling up in my eyes but I fight them back, shaking my head vigorously.

"No, I'm fine. I need to learn to deal with this stuff, it's a part of recovery, right?" Sam nods but he still looks worried. Summer can sense my panic.

"Are you sure you're okay with that?" I nod, looking back down at my menu and scrolling through, the pit in my stomach deepening when nothing I like is low in calories. As my eyes dart across the pages, I feel a nose bumping on my hand. I didn't realise that I'd been scratching my leg with one of my hands. I stop, placing my palm flat on my thigh and using my other hand to gently stroke Summer.