Problem Kid

Chapter 53

Once we arrive home, I instantly go back into my bedroom with Summer. Jimmy isn't in there anymore so I'm fine to shut the door. I click the lock across slowly as my dog settles herself onto my bed. I grab my bag and pull out the pack of pills which turn out to be Aspirin. I hide them with the rest of my stash before finding the zip on my side of the mattress. The bottles go in there with my extra blade stash and I zip it closed before putting the mattress protector back over it. I return to the door, quietly unlocking it again to avoid any questions if the others try to come in. I sit down on my bed, pulling the duvet up to my waist and open the bedside table draw. In there I have my iPad and iPad pen which I take out. I decide to do some digital art since I only have an hour and a half until my next snack and my 3pm meds. I open up one of my previous drawings I was working on which is a portrait of Summer sitting in her vest, tennis ball in her mouth. I split screen, taking my photo reference and putting it on the right with the drawing on the left. I've finished the basic outlines of her, the vest and the ball and was previously working on the fur and shading on her face which is half done. I ask my Alexa to shuffle my playlist at a medium/loud volume. The first song to play is Everywhere I Go by Hollywood Undead which I sing along too as I slip into focus on my artwork.

.

"Ev!" There's a knock at my door and I hear Jimmy's voice.

"Come in," I shout back, turning down the music and placing my iPad beside me. The door opens and in walks my boyfriend who doesn't look up at me.

"You okay?" He asks. I stare at him in silence for a moment.

"Look at me, Jimmy," I say, hiding the hurt from my voice. He doesn't look up.

"Jimmy, look at me. I'm not a fucking monster. Why can't you look at me?" I cry out, unable to hold a neutral voice. He takes a deep breath and looks up at me slowly.

"It's not that bad, Jimmy... Is it?" I whisper. His eyes are full of hurt as he sits down at the end of the bed.

"It's not your fault, Ev. I know that, I'm sorry. I'm just scared..." I stare down at my hands as they rest in my lap.

"I'm so sorry. I really am. I'm sorry I can't be healthy or normal or any of that. I'm sorry you got stuck with this..." I talk quietly as the tears begin to flow.

"Ev, no, stop... I wouldn't want anyone else. I love you so fucking much, I do. I'm just scared and I'm letting that get in the way of everything and I'm so sorry for that, I'm hurting but I'm trying, baby. I'm trying," he moves closer so he's in front of me, resting his hands in mine.

"What happened?" I ask, looking up at his pained eyes. He tilts his head, confused.

"What happened to us being kids? We were happy, everything was so much nicer. When we called eachother Saint Jimmy and Whatsername. Visiting Sam in his classroom at lunch and chasing eachother around the school field and shit. Making pancakes at my place, having dinner with Mum and cuddling in our old bed in my old room. What happened to us being kids? I mean, shit wasn't perfect. We were both struggling but everything else was perfect and that made it all better. It wasn't as bad as now... I miss it, Jimmy. I really fucking miss it!" I sob and he sits himself beside me, wrapping his arms around my tired body. I fall into his lap, cuddling his arm and sobbing my heart out.

"I don't know. I don't know, Ev. I'm so sorry shits bad. I miss it then too, I really do. All I want is to see you happy and free from all this pain and shit. I'd take it all away if I could and I wish I could. It fucking sucks, I know it does..." He strokes my hair as I lay in his lap. My tears flow heavily, even through my closed eyes.

"I'm just so tired," I whisper. He continues to brush through my hair with his soft fingers.

"I know, baby. I know..." His voice breaks and I can tell he's crying too.