Problem Kid

Chapter 44

After Marie left, I sat in silence for a few minutes. Once I'm ready to get up, I slowly lift myself from the floor. My hands grip the countertop and I breathe slowly, finding my balance. I walk back into the bedroom where I head to the bin to empty my pockets. Once that's done, I point Summer over to her food and water where she tucks in. I heave my exhausted body into bed and as I lay down, I instantly feel much more relaxed. I pick up my phone to see that it has just passed 8.35pm. I also have 2 text messages. One is from Sam and one from Jimmy. I open Sam's one first.

Sam - Hey Ev, hope you're okay! I'll see you tomorrow morning

I smile a little and send him a short message back.

E - I'm fine, see you tomorrow!

Once that is sent, I open Jimmy's message. It's only one word but that word makes me instantly bubble with anger.

Sorry BTW.

What the FUCK. He ignores me for ages when I need him the most, ignores me trying to apologise, leaves me on READ and now suddenly he wants to leave me with a blunt ass forced apology. Not even a nice, genuine sorry. Its a fucking 'sorry BTW' with a dot at the end. I'm raging inside, the anger builds up and my head begins to hurt. I'm shaking yet I feel boiling hot. I type my short reply quicker than I've ever typed before.

E - Fuck you.

And with a growl of rage, I slam my phone down onto the table. That's it now, I'm raging. I can barely breathe because of how angry I am. My throat burns and I need a cigarette. Within a second, I'm storming up to the nursing station where Mike smiles up at me happily whilst my heavy footsteps approach him.

"I need a cig, please can someone take me out for a cig," I beg him. He shakes his head and I almost scream in frustration. My fists are clenched so hard that my sharp nails are cutting into my palms.

"I'm sorry, Ev. It's too late now. We stop taking people out at 7.30pm," I thank him through my teeth, holding in my rage, and head back to my room. Once I've reached into my backpack and pulled out what I needed, I walk into the bathroom and lock the door. I put everything down onto the counter by the sink.

Deodorant, my box of smokes and my lighter.

Once I've opened the window by a couple inches, I light up and begin to smoke out of the window as fast as I can. Halfway through, I hear a knock at the door.

"Who is it?!" I respond quickly, holding back a cough.

"Hi! My name is Orla and I'm one of the night nurses! I need to get your vital signs when you're done in the toilet!" I breathe out in relief.

"Give me 5 minutes and I'll be out, thank you!" I call out to her and she agrees before leaving. After less than a minute, I'm finally done with my smoke. I lift up my right sleeve and put it out on my wrist in 3 different circular spots. The pain sears and I have to bite down hard on my cheeks to keep myself from yelling out however once I'm done and the cigarette butt is thrown out of the window, I'm instantly much calmer. My shaking has stopped and I'm thinking much clearer. I breathe in and out slowly for a moment until I'm ready to sort myself out. I grab my deodorant and begin spraying it all around the bathroom. Thankfully it doesn't smell too strongly of smoke as I'm fairly good at getting most of it out the window however just to be sure, I use about half the can before turning it on myself. I spray until all I can smell is the stench of my cheap ass mens deodorant. I'm practically choking on the fumes as I throw everything into my pockets, open the door and burst out, quickly shutting it behind me. I quickly put my things back into my backpack and settle into bed again, considering picking up my phone however not wanting to anger myself again. I check both my sleeves are fully down as my wrist burns ache and throb. Summer is curled up and sleeping now too and I'm beginning to feel tired. I decide that after my vitals are done, I'll take an early night.