Problem Kid

Chapter 69

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I step out of the bedroom and into the hallway after putting away my makeup bag and grabbing Summer's bowl out of her dog bag. She's already been fed and to the toilet so I only really need her water bowl. She's got poop bags in her vest just in case too. I'd love to be excited for this dinner but in truth, I'm shitting it. My heart is racing, whether that's partly down to the POTS, the alcohol rushing through my bloodstream or just the fear, I can't say but I'm terrified. I feel sick with fear, food is scary in itself but food that I'm not measuring, I don't know the calories of and someone else is making behind closed doors is just a whole new level of fear. As I walk out of the door, I freeze. Jimmy is stood next to the front door looking drop dead gorgeous. He's wearing a black suit with a red shirt, black tie and a red pocket handkerchief. He reaches a hand out to me and I smile like a young teen with a massive crush, bowing my head down and reaching out to him. We take each others hands and I lean up, kissing him deeply on the lips. In the moment I feel like me. I feel loved, seeing the adoration in his eyes. I'm not anorexia, BPD, C-PTSD, whatever other crap is on that medical list. I'm not my scars and my suicide attempts and my NG tubes and IVs, I am me. I am Everleigh and he is Jimmy. We are us and life feels somewhat normal. Until my soul sinks a little, wishing it were my Mum and Dad watching us embrace in our fancy outfits instead of Sam and Jack. I know they're amazing and I do love them so much but they're not Mum and Dad. They're just not the same. I tear up a little but fight it back. I want to be happy for tonight. I stand up straight, keeping my hand gripped tightly onto Jimmy's.

"You two look amazing, really. We hope you have a great night. Do you have everything you need?" Jack asks us, his arm around Sam. I nod.

"I've got my bag, Summer is ready and I've got her water bowl too," I say, trying not to slur my words. I think I slip up a little because whilst no one else notices, I see Sam's eyes change, concern creeping onto his face. I look away, rubbing my free hand against my thigh to remove the sweat.

"Alright, sounds good! Jimmy, here's the car keys. You two have a great time, come and give us a hug!" Sam says to both of us. I hug Jack first and he pats my back when we swap and I hug Sam, he whispers into my ear.

"I know. You're not meant to, Ev. No more, okay?" I don't say anything back, walking to the door as Jimmy follows me. I call out for Summer and she rushes to my side, tail wagging. And with that, we head out of the door and into the car. I take a deep breath as the car starts. Let's do this thing! 

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Once we arrive at the restaurant and have taken our seats, the panic rises. I stare down at the menu and realise that it's filled with nothing but fear foods. Pasta, pizza, bread, everything full of carbs. I feel myself beginning to worry and Summer rests her head on my lap, sensing my fear.

"You okay?" Jimmy asks me. I nod.

"Yeah, just deciding what I want!" I say, forcing a smile. He smiles back, believing my lies. Then a waiter arrives to take our drink order.

"What can I get for you both?" He asks, miniature notepad in hand.

"I'll get a large glass of pinot grigio, please!" I look over at Jimmy. He looks a bit concerned but orders the same.

"Tell you what, can we just get a bottle?" I ask. The waitor nods and heads off.

"Are you sure you should be drinking, babe? Jimmy asks. I know he's worried but I don't care.

"It's just a bit of wine, it's okay. It's in a controlled environment and I'm going to be responsible," I reassure him, placing my hand on his. That seems to relax him and he nods, smiling back at me.

"Alright, I'm sorry for not trusting you," I feel bad when he says that because little does he know that I already have half a bottle of vodka in my system.