Problem Kid

Chapter 15

I stare at the plate of food sitting in front of me, gulping as I twirl my fork in my hand. After a moment, I cut a reasonably sized bite of pancake off and place it on my fork, dipping the tiniest corner into syrup. I take a sip of water. Summer rests her head on my lap.
"I can't do it," I'm crying again.
"Yes you can. You've got this, Ev. Fight it. Let's go. You can do this!" I gulp. Twirl the fork. Place the food in my mouth. Chew. Chew. Chew. Swallow. Gag. I force some water down and breathe, my eyes closing for a second.
I then make my next bite ready, poising the fork at my lips. They part slightly and close once again as I sigh. My eyes close and open once again to see Emma on the other side of the room giving me a small thumbs up. I smile weakly at her and take the bite. It goes down slowly, a thick lump in my throat.
"You're doing amazing, Everleigh," more tears gall from my eyes as I slowly consume more of the meal, the calories filling my body and causing my thoughts to race.
Fat
Ugly
Failure
Disappointment
Pig
How can anyone love a greedy cow like you?
I push it away.
I can do this.
I can eat.
I do eat.
My plate is empty after 50 minutes of struggling to force down the high calorie meal.
I feel sick.
But I can't be sick.
"You have done so well, Everleigh. Well done," I thank Jessie as she takes my plate away. I sit with Summer, gently stroking her on the head as she licks my hands. I don't notice Emma come over and sit beside me, her nurse clearing away her empty plate and cutlery.
"Hey," I smile.
"Hi. What do we have next?" I ask with a small smile as she strokes my hand.
"We have another three hours of free time at the moment. Normally we have school but the holidays here started a week earlier than both of our schools so that's cool," I smile.
"That's great. I can bath Sum and sort some stuff out," she smiles.
"Well, I gotta go. I'll see if I can come to you in a bit. If not, see ya in the Rec room?" I nod and wave as she leaves, our fingertips parting from where they had previously been clamped together.
"You ready to go? You've got 3 hours of spare time now so you can either go to the outside area, recreation room or chill in your room, if you want?" I nod.
"Can we go back to mine, please? I want to bath Sum, if I'm allowed?" She nods.
"Sure!" And with that, we head out of the almost empty room and down the few halls towards my room where I park my chair and throw myself onto the bed. Bad idea. The blood rushes to my head and Summer rushes over to alert me. With a sigh, I allow her to settle underneath my legs.
"Can I call Jimmy, please?" Jessie nods, taking my phone out of her pouch and handing it to me. I unlock it, finding Jimmy's contact and I call him.
"Hey baby! Give me a second to get out of class," He picks up on the first ring.
"Hey, Jim. Sure," after a moment, he leaves the loud room and I hear him take a breath before talking.
"How are you?" I smile.
"I ate," he congratulates me as I close my eyes.
"Thanks baby. Summer just alerted me so I'm just waiting for the lights to go out. After I wake up, I'm gonna bath her. You coming here tonight?"
"Yeah! Definitely! I can't wait to see you. I've missed you so much," I smile, tears filling my eyes.
"I've missed you so much," I hear him exhale, his breath sounding ragged as if he were crying.
"I'm going to go to Mr Gray's room and if he doesn't have a lesson, we can FaceTime if you want?" I nod before realising he can't yet see me.
"Yeah! That'd be great!" He asks me to hold on and I hear him speed walking down the halls. A teacher, sounding like Miss Kaala, stops him however he just says my name and gets left to continue.
"Alright, I'm at his room. He's free apart from two sixth formers on computers at the back. Let me go in," I reply with a simple 'ok' as he opens the door with a small creak.
"Hey, Jimmy. You ok?" Mr Gray can be heard in the background.
"Ev," is all he says and Mr Gray asks the sixth formers to go upstairs to Miss Hamsa. They leave and Jimmy requests FaceTime, which I accept.
"Heyyyy!" Mr Gray stands beside Jimmy, smiling along with him.
"Hey, guys! You alright?" They nod.
"I'm about to go out... I'll talk after.. I... I love-" I don't have time to finish my sentence. I feel the phone fall on top my chest as darkness swallows me. So much darkness. It feels like ages that it goes on before finally, I regain control over my body and am able to force my eyes open, blinking a few times to adjust to the light.
"Ugh..." I hear movement from through the phone which is beside me. I pick it up to see the boys still in the phone. Mr Gray is working on the computer and Jimmy is sitting beside him, smiling at something.
"Hey!" They turn to me and I smile.
"Heyyy! Welcome back," jimmy smiles back at me, blowing a kiss through the phone.
"What time is it?" I ask.
"1.40" I smile.
"Only a few hours until you can come and visit meeee!" He laughs.
"Will you come too, Sir?" Mr G turns to me.
"Call me Sam, and yeah. I'll have to tell Jake, my husband, but sure! I'll bring you if you want, Jimmy?" He nods.
"Yes please!" I smile.
"Oh, Jim? Can you give me and Ev a few minutes please? I need to talk to her?" He nods.
"Sure! You want a coffee?" Jimmy smiles.
"Oooh yes please! Here's my card, if the teachers in the staff room ask just say I sent you," He nods.
"Bye babes!" I smirk.
"Bye Jim!" I call as he leaves the camera and I'm left alone with Sam.
"What's up, Sir- Sam!" I smile.
"Well... I noticed something missing..." I gulp as Jessie looks over at me.
"Oh... what?" I look away.
"The black purse, Everleigh. Where is it?" I sigh.
"I wanted to get rid of it myself. To show I could do it. To make me feel strong. So I did... I threw it in the lake by the playground when I ran from A&E... I'm sorry," He smiles.
"Hey, that's ok. That's great! I'm proud of you!" Guilt fills every crack of emotion inside me.
"Yeah... thanks, Sam. I've got to wash Summer now so I'll see you later?" He nods.
"Yeah! See ya!" I wave.
"Tell Jimmy I love him, please!" He nods and waves as I hang up.
"Hey... you ok?" I nod, turning my face away from Jessie as I hand the phone back to her.
"I need the toilet," I leave the bed, walking into the bathroom and pulling the curtain halfway across. Jessie doesn't comment however she does keep an eye on me. As I wash my hands, I face away from her and hurriedly slip a blade from my bra, pretending the splash the water whilst cutting my arm a few times. 4 mad slashes before I stuff the blade back where it came from, rush my arm under the water and pull down my sleeves. With a small sigh, I start the shower running until its heated up and I call Summer over. Her vest is already off so I simply instruct her into the shower, pulling the curtain fully open for Jessie as she gets me the bag of dog washing items from my locked storage under the bed and comes into the bathroom with me.
"Summer, still," she stops splashing and stands still, allowing me to detach the shower hose and spray her body down.
"Good," I then take the bottle of dog shampoo from the side of the bag, scrubbing her in it and leaving it for a moment to allow the conditioner to have its effect before washing it off. I then allow Summer to play in the water, as she loves to. After a few minutes, I instruct her out and lead her into the main room with a towel around her wet body. She sits down in front of me as I plug in the hairdryer, also from my locked storage, and begin to dry her fur, a goofy smile spread across her face as the warm air blows on her dense fur. Her warm eyes stare into mine, telling me it's going to be ok, and causing tears I flow from my eyes.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Jessie takes the hairdryer from my hand and turns it off, wrapping her arms around me.
We both sit on the hard floor, her comforting me as Summer settles on my lap to try and comfort me. I cry harder. I just shake my head, sighing.
"I want to go home," she rubs my arm, squeezing my body.
"I know you do... I know... but you have to get better first," I sigh and nod.
"Yeah..." I close my eyes for a moment before pulling away.
"I don't really want to talk. I just want to finish this," before Jessie can respond, I turn on the dryer and finish drying my dog's fur as she sits calmly.
"Good girl," I say as the dryer is put away.
"Good girl," I repeat, wiping away my tears. In silence, I begin to braid a long piece of fur on her neck, joining it with other bits to form a small fishtail plait going down her neck. I smile and reach into my drawer to find a small piece of red ribbon I had brought which came off of a chocolate. I gently tied it into a bow on the end and smiled, kissing her on the head before getting up and brushing the rest of her body. With a small smile, I reach into my drawer and take out some new clothes, secretly sliding a bandage in between the jeans and the hoodie.
"I'm getting changed. I got these clothes wet bathing her," Jessie nods and allows me to close the curtain halfway again as I change. My shirt goes over my head and I hide behind the closed piece of curtain, frowning at my body in the mirror after removing all my clothing except my underwear. My stomach looks larger, my thighs almost touching- only 3 centimetres apart- and my arms fatter. I ignore it, hurriedly wrapping my arm up and dressing myself in my plain grey jeans with two small rips in the knees and then sitting down. I feel dizzy. I stand slowly after I throw on a Johnnie Guilbert t-shirt and a plain black and white striped long sleeve top underneath. I stand slowly, changing my socks to another plain black pair and throwing those clothes into the laundry basket. I move back into the room, sitting my my chair before spraying Summer with doggy deodorant and asking to go to the entertainment room. Jessie agreed and let me put Summer's collar on which had a 'Service Dog, Do Not Pet' badge on it. I decided against her vest as it was probably warm for her. I then took her bag and placed it on the back of my chair before we then left the room, locking up and turning down a few corridors before entering a brightly lit room. It's a pretty large hall type area wherel about fifteen kids of ages between 12-17 are lounging or playing. There is a pool table currently occupied by two blonde haired boys playing and a beautiful dark skinned girl who stands on the side, awkwardly laughing at a few of their jokes. Three girls sit together on the blue faded fabric sofa, staring at a TV screen playing some old Eastenders episodes on it and laughing at eachother's jokes. They all look like skeletons, their cheeks hollow and their faces pale. I take over my chair, thanking Jessie and wheeling myself forwards whilst studying the rest of the room. Two boys and three girls are sitting at a table in a corner with notepads and pens, drawing, I presume whilst two girls sit in another corner, whispering to eachother. A worker notices and steps closer to them, checking they aren't sharing bad information. A few more people are hanging about however I instantly head over to Emma when I see her where she is sat on the window-ledge. Her pale face stares outside, the sunlight illuminating her ghostly skin and the bones protruding through her cheeks.
"Hey!" She smiles as I come closer.
"Ooh heya doggo!" I smile.
"Can we play? Pleeeeease?" I laugh and nod, unclasping Summer's leash from my waist and allowing her to go play. A few other kids come over and ask to pet her as we settle on some beanbags. I move my chair into the corner out of the way before slouching down in a black one as Emma takes over a pink one. We relax, talking about our families for a while, zoning out from the world around us and being left as just us two friends. No clinic. No patients. No nurses. Just two girls and a dog.

"Everleigh!" I sit at the table in the guest room waiting for my visitors to arrive. I look up to see Jimmy standing at the door. He was the one who had called my name. I instantly jumped out of my chair and ran up to him, throwing myself into his arms and crying. I can hear the faint voice of a nurse saying not to run or jump like that however I ignore it and my head burrows into Jimmy's hoodie.
"Hey baby. Let's go to your room," I nod, allowing him to lead me back to my chair and push me back to the room with Jessie beside us.
"Hey!" I look up and smile at Mr Gray, who walks beside us.
"Hey! How are you?" He asks with a smile as we stop at my room.
"I'm fine," I reply, standing and moving to my bed where I sit.
"I'll leave you guys to it, if you want? Come get me before you leave. See ya!" I wave as Jessie walks out of the door, looking around for my mother. She's nowhere to be seen.
"Mum?" Jimmy sighs.
"She didn't want to see you like this-" I shake my head in anger and disbelief. My own mother. Tears cloud my vision as I slowly lay my body down on the soft mattress.
"Baby... don't be upset... it's not like that..." I ignore him.
"She doesn't even want to see me anymore. She's ashamed. She hates me," Jimmy places a hand on my shoulder.
"That's not it! No..." I sigh, wiping my tears away as he pulls my body upright and wraps his arms around me, brushing hair out of my eyes.
"Let's talk about something else. What have you been up to today?" I sigh as Mr Gray begins talking.
"Not much. Breakfast. Bathed Sum. Hung out with Emma. Lunch. Therapy. Yeah... you?" He smiles and pats my knee.
"Breakfast with my jake and Maya. Oh, Maya is my daughter and Mike is my husband, by the way. Yeah, breakfast with them, then he went to work and I took Jenna to school. Then I came to work. Then I came here!" I smile.
"I'm guessing you told jake about me?" He looks away.
"Yeah... but nothing bad. He thinks you're an amazing girl. He admires your strength with everything you've been through! He thinks you're a brave little fighter," I smile.
"Thanks, Sir- Sam" he smiles before turning to Jimmy.
"Well... breakfast with my mum. She asked how you are, Ev. My sister went to school, moody as ever and then my dad woke up with a hangover and yelled at me before leaving again. Same old," I sigh.
"I'm sorry, Jim..." he shakes his head.
"Don't be. I'm happy. I've got all I need in my life. I have my best friend AND the love of my life in one person right here, my favourite teacher and main person of support here. A best friend to me too," Sam smiles.
"And a beautiful doggo," I laugh as he pats Summer's head.
"Oi! Don't pet my service dog!" I fake a stern voice and laugh.
"Sorry!" He laughs with me, pulling me closer to his chest and kissing my head.
"That's all I ever want. For us both to be happy," he whispers before kissing my cheek whilst Sam hugs us both.