Heart Like Stone (Greyson Chance)

Chapter 76

Greyson’s Point Of View.

    She’s mad at me again. I’m so stupid. I keep screwing up, she deserves better. I looked at her hand, in Cody’s. Jealousy. Its getting me again. Make it stop. Who knows what she’s feeling right now. It should be me holding her hand.

    Shut up Greyson. Just shut up.

My head feels like someones constantly beating at it. Bang. Bang. Bang.  Something is wrong. I know. I’m not going to say anything though, I’m not going to ruin this day for her.

    I ended up sitting in between Rachel and her brother at the table. Cody had gone to get my mom and Alli. “The more people the happier the place will be!” Is what Rachel’s grandmother had said.

    I just have so much on my mind right now. I can’t think right. This headache is not helping either...

    “So, who’s Greyson?” Her grandmother asked.

    “This one,” Rachel poked my arm.

    “And he is your boyfriend, correct?”

    Rachel laughed slightly. “Something like that, yeah.”

    Yeah. I’m her boyfriend. And a screw up. and an idiot. The same person who probably ruined her life by getting her pregnant...

    She looked at me through the corner of her eye, as if she was telling me to stop. Like she knew what I was thinking.

    Cody walked back in the room then, ghost like. Hallow.  Its funny, how different you are without someone you’ve loved for so long.

    Its as if everything is in black and white. Like you cant make out certain shapes. You’re just empty.

    Then you see her, and everything gets brighter. Things clear up. Its ok again.

    For some reason, now, with Rachel the girl I’ve loved for 5 years now sitting beside me...I felt like I was in the dark. Dead. And it shouldn’t be this way.

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    I don’t think I’ve eaten that much in my whole life! Whenever you would finish something, Rachel’s grandmother would just pile more onto your plate.

    Now I sat on the couch in the bus, next to Jacob. I don’t think he liked me very much. Rachel walked in, slamming the door. Her hair was on one side of her shoulder, she was biting her lip. Skinny jeans slightly torn on the leg, gray vans, light pink shirt. She just glowed.    

    “Hey Jake.” She smiled at him and stopped to look at me. “Hi Greyson.” She left to go to the back of the bus.

Wait for it ....I thought. Any second now the music would start.

    She was blasting Ocean Avenue by Yellowcard.

    “What is she doing?” Jake turned to me.

    “She does this to help herself ignore me.” I shrugged.

    “...Why is she ignoring you?”

    I sighed. “As many times as I’ve screwed up, it could be anything.”

    “Does this happen a lot?”

    I thought for a second. “Last time, was back in July. I was on the phone with an old friend, and Rachel thought it was someone else. She locked me out of my own bedroom and used my record player to blast songs through the house. Then, before that in May I was doing a music video and she thought I was spending too much time with the lead girl, she got jealous. Sat in my car for an hour and played the radio. Wouldn’t talk to me.” I looked up. “I could go on, if you’d like.”

    “No, thats ok...” There was a short pause. “Why do you remember all this?”

    I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, looking at my hands.

    “Because when you’ve got someone as important as Rachel...you have to. So you make sure you don’t make the same mistakes....

  I feel like I’m running out of second chances now.”

    My head felt like it was going to explode. I had so much I was holding in. I needed to get it out. Maybe I could just slip away from Jake. I couldn’t cry in front of him. I put my hands on my head and sighed. I’m falling apart. My whole world, feels as if its going to shatter.

        What’s happening to me.