Loving You (Tyler Seguin) {Sequel to How To Love}

Chapter 50

Tyler's POV

I don't know how this happened. I don't know how I lost Amy again. I thought our love would be able to get us through anything, but I was wrong. It wasn't able to get us through this. It wasn't able to make either of us change our mind. Our love wasn't strong enough for either of us to make a sacrifice for the other. Amy couldn't give up the baby, and I couldn't accept having one.

I wish Amy could see where I'm coming from. I wish she could understand my perspective. She's right, I do want that life with her. But the plan was to always have that life in the future. I knew I would never want or be ready for that life at a young age. That's why I decided to never even consider getting married until thirty. And Amy knew that. She knew that that's the plan I had for my life.

But something changed when she found out she was pregnant. Suddenly, what I wanted didn't matter anymore to her. She has this life in her mind with that baby that she doesn't want to let go of. And I won't force her to let go of it. If she won't force me to have to be a father to a child that I don't want, then I can't force her to give up that child. If that's what she wants, then I have to let her have it even if it's without me.

I do feel guilty about it. I'm abandoning Amy and our baby, but I just can't have that life right now. I can't be a dad right now. That's not how my life was supposed to be. I wasn't supposed to have a kid before thirty. I know I'm being selfish, and I'm thinking only about myself. But I can't change that. I can't change the idea in my head of the life I wanted. There's so many things that I want to do before settling down, so I can't have a kid stopping me from that.

For some reason it's easier this time to live without Amy in my life than it was the past times that I lost her. I'm not relying on drinking away the pain like I did before. This is a different situation. This was a mutual decision between the two of us to end it. I didn't technically lose Amy this time, I gave her up. I chose not to be with her anymore in order to have the life that I wanted. So I have to live with my decision.

Since I have a lot more free time now, I started training. I've been going to the gym a lot, and spending a lot of time there. I also go on runs a lot with the dogs. I usually go to the gym alone, but sometimes I go with the other guys. A lot of them are back in Dallas since training camp is gunna start shortly. I've been hanging out with a lot of them. I've also started spending more time with Josh, and my other Dallas friends as well.

The guys all know that Amy and I broke up, but most of them don't know why. I'm ashamed to tell them, and have them judging me. None of them will understand why I made the decision that I did. The guys that do know, definitely don't know because I told them. Jamie knows because of Drea, and Demers and Cody know because they're close with Amy. I suspect that Rous knows too. Cody or Demers probably told him.

I'm thankful that none of them bring it up. I would've expected Jamie to bring it up and give me a lecture, but he hasn't. I guess he knows to not get involved. Sometimes it seems like he wants to say something, but he doesn't. He keeps his mouth shut. They all keep their mouths shut. I don't know if it's because they respect that I've made my decision or if they know they can't change my mind, but either way, they don't say anything.

"So do you guys want to go out to eat after this?," Demers asks as he and I both pedal on the bikes as our cool down exercise.

"Ya, I could eat," Jamie says.

"Tyler, you down?," Demers questions.

"No, you guys go without me," I tell him. "I got something else planned."

"And what's that?," Jamie says as he takes a sip from his water bottle.