Chapter 72 (Part Two)

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Katrina: How was the communication between you two when you were still talking?

Lulu: It was bad.

Katrina: Why would you say that?

Lulu: He's been ghosting me and pushing me away. Then he comes back out of the blue like nothing ever happened.

She paused for a second and then spoke again.

Lulu: He'd talk harshly to me so that I can stay away from him.

Katrina: Would you like to tell us why Ricky?

I nodded my head.

Me: I disrespected her countless of times to make her stay away from me.

Katrina: Why?

Me: I don't know. I guess it's because I knew what kinda nigga I was. I was broken and I wasn't ready to be focusing on a relationship. I just wanted to give her a way out.

Lulu looked at me with a confused expression.

Lulu: What do you mean?

Me: I been purposely hurting you to stop you from liking me because I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I was still hurt and I didn't give a fuck bout no woman except my momma. So I did all that shit so you can stay away from me but you didn't. That's why I kept hurting you, so you can stay away.

She looked away and I couldn't help but feel bad.

Katrina: Why would you treat her like that?

Me: I was hurt man, my past relationship was shitty as fuck and I wanted every woman I got with or fucked with to feel the shit I been keeping inside my heart for years.

Katrina: Tell me about the pregnancy again.

Damn not this shit. But I know that I have to tell Lulu soon.

Me: I fucked this girl a month before our anniversary because Lulu and I been arguing like crazy. I ain't with all that arguing shit, it pisses me off and it wastes my time.

Damn now I know that I sound crazy saying it out loud.

Katrina: You got her pregnant on purpose?

Me: Not at all. I just went above my limits that night with the alcohol and weed.

Katrina: Would you tell me why?

Me: Cause word on the street is that she been seen with that goofy ass nigga Jonathan.

Katrina: So you purposely slept with the girl out of pain?

I nodded my head.

Katrina: So would you say hurting people is a defence mechanism for you?

Me: I would cause after my break up, I been hurting females out of revenge.

Katrina: Did you ever love Lulu?

Me: At first I didn't but I do now.

Katrina: Elaborate.

Me: I didn't love her at first cause it was my momma's idea to get with her. I only started loving her when she wanted nothing to do with me. That's when I knew I was fucking up.

I prolly sound dumb as fuck right now.

Katrina: So you only wanted her around for your own pleasure?

Me: Yes ma'am.

Katrina: So you can continued hurting her because you knew even if she left, she'd come back to you?

I nodded my head.

Katrina: That's kinda toxic don't you think?

Me: I tried to give her a way out but she wouldn't take it.

Katrina: What way out?

Me: Me constantly cheating.

I sighed cause the things I'm saying make me realise that I really ain't shit.

Katrina: You've been quiet for some time now.

She said looking at Lulu. I raised my head up cause I was too ashamed bout all the shit I was saying and looked at Lulu. She was silently crying her eyes out. Damn man.

Katrina: How do you feel knowing all of this?

Lulu: Really hurt.


Katrina: Tell me why?

Lulu: Even though I knew he was purposely hurting me for some reason I still stayed with him because I loved him with all my heart.

She said as her voice was cracking in between words. 

Katrina: Everything I've just heard basically falls on Ricky and his incompetence. He was still a little boy trying to fit in but now he's trying to change.

Lulu: How can I believe him to change when he been telling me he'd do that?

Katrina: You just need to trust him.

Lulu: Trust with him doesn't exist. He'd tell me to trust him that he'll never cheat again but he still does it.

Katrina: Things are different now, you two have a son together and in order to raise him properly you have to do this together.

I nodded my head.

Katrina: I see that you two love each other very much, I feel the love in this room believe me. I'm not just saying this to make things better but I know what love feels like between two people and you two have that. All you lack is trust and communication.

I nodded my head once again. I need to change man, for real this time.

Katrina: Start trusting each other more. Start communicating more clearly. Whenever something is bothering you and the other asks "what's wrong". Do not bottle it up, speak and get through the issue together and I promise you everything will get better.

Me: I got it.

Katrina: Love isn't strong enough to make a relationship work without trust and communication.

Again, I nodded my head. I keep nodding my head because I know all her words are directed to me.

Katrina: I'm sorry you had to hear all of this today. But I want to make sure that you guys last for a very long time. Although Ricky has done some pretty fucked up things in the past, his future is very bright now.

She nodded her head.

Katrina: That concludes our session. Thank you for coming and I hope you'll be better.

She said as she hugged Lulu.

Me: Thanks again Katrina.

I said shaking her hand.

Katrina: Alhamdulillah Ricky.

We left the room and got into the car. The car ride was silent. We got home and she tried bolting upstairs but I grabbed her arm. I gave her a hug and I felt my shirt getting wet. I know that I've hurt her over the years, but this? This takes the cake. I think I shouldn't have let her come.

Me: I'm sorry about everything you heard baby but I wanted to be honest with you. I had to tell you everything because I see a future with you and Adonis.

She looked up at me with tears running down her cheeks.

Me: I wanna marry you Lulu. I wanna expand our family and have an amazing life together but I couldn't do all of that with the shit I had in my chest. I know I fucked up a lot of times in the past but I'm ready to settle down now, to settle down with you. I love you man and I mean that shit.

I helped her wipe her tears away while she nodded her head. Lord knows how much I love this girl man.

Me: I'm here forever this time man, trust me.

I ain't going nowhere and I put that on my life.

I didn't proof read, I apologise for any errors.
To be continued.....

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