Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

His Life Changer

Character Development/ Plot - 

(Prologue) 

It's quite a short prologue. I know prologues are generally supposed to be short, but I felt like the prologue wasn't needed. Something needs to happen in the prologue to set the story afloat, usually, a deal breaker, or it can foreshadow something later in the story. 

I think it showed that Rutvika has feelings for her friend, Sargam, and then they chat with her friends. That's pretty much it. I think it would be better if this was chapter one and you included more for the reader to go on. I didn't really get much information from the prologue is the gist of what I'm trying to say. 

(Chapter One) 

It's Rutvika's first day at a new high school, and she talks about how she used to be friends with Tara before seeing her at the entrance with Sargam. It has been two years since the prologue and a few things have changed; one thing that has changed is Rutvika is no longer friends with Sargam, but her feelings for him are still there. 

The narration is mostly built up of 'telling' us about what is happening around her, rather than letting the reader figure out things by themselves. Put the reader into the scene and let the scene play by itself. You can 'show' us by using dialogue, description, emotions and using Rutvika's five senses. 

You need both telling and showing in a story, but you need to have a balance between the two. 

For example, when she enters the school and is overwhelmed by everything, you can show us how she is feeling by using descriptions. Saying "I watched my high school for the very first time fully excited and nervous at the same time," doesn't add any weight for the reader. Use the five senses/ body language and sensations to evoke emotion. Maybe she has butterflies in her stomach, or her palms are sweaty and her mouth is dry. If she's nervous, maybe she is picking at her skin in anticipation or her eyes dart from person to person etc. 

Another example is when she sees her ex-friend and Sargam. It's been two years since she's seen them, so how does seeing them together now make her feel? Does she feel hurt? Show body language of how hurt she might feel (shoulders tensed or hunched over, her hands wringing her bag strap, pursing her lips etc). 

(Chapter Two)

The chapter starts with a flashback to when Rutvika and Sargam talk about what they want to pursue in high school. It's clear that they have a good, strong friendship as he clearly expressed that he didn't want to lose her. But why did Rutvika leave him without saying goodbye? That says a lot about her character because I don't know how you can leave your BFFL and not say goodbye. Then she has the audacity to feel upset because poor Sargam has moved on with Tara. 

(Chapter Three) 

We're back to the present time where they check their timetables to see what classes they have together. Nothing else really happens in this chapter, but we're introduced to Vikram, her best friend. I expected something else to happen to flesh out these chapters as they are very short. Chapters two and three could be joined together. 

(Chapter Four) 

Sargam had to sit next to Rutvika during their English Literature lesson and be partners for the rest of the year. I would like to see more of what happened during this lesson. Since the only vacant seat was next to Rutvika, what was Sargam's body language? Did they not talk to each other? Show the reader some tension by fleshing out the chapter a bit more with what happened during the lesson.

Overall Enjoyment - 

Every story has potential. I do think after some editing and polishing, the plot will shine through. I want to like Rutvika, but I don't understand her character as of right now; however, once you explain and shed some light on why she did certain things, I could possibly grow warm towards her. But since each chapter is very short (under 1,000 words), and I've only read five chapters, I haven't really gotten to the grip of the plot or story itself. I've merely scrapped the surface. 

And you do incredibly well when English isn't your first language! 

Things I think you could improve on are: 

.1. Grammar - Tenses - As I said earlier, you switch between the two without noticing. Grammar isn't easy, but with practice, you will get the hang of it. I suggest watching videos about tenses, reading Writing Self-help tips on Wattpad or online, and using Grammarly.

.2. Showing vs Telling - In most of the chapters, you do a lot of 'telling' which is probably why your chapters are so short. Adding in descriptions, and dialogue and relating to the characters more can flesh out your chapters and make them longer. 

Descriptions - What does the school building look like? What about the interior? What does it smell like? What do the characters look like? What are they wearing? What do they smell like? Use action tags to display body language or show us what the character is doing. 

Dialogue - For it to be more compelling and entertaining, show us the characters' personalities through their words. Each character should have a unique voice, their own idioms and style.

Evoke emotions - Remove the "I felt" statement and make writing more precise by adding in your own feelings. How would you feel if you lost your best friend? Write down every feeling, every emotion and the body language you would use and incorporate that into a character's point of view. How would you feel if you had to sit beside your ex-best friend? How would you feel if you saw your crush flirting with your ex-friend? It's the easiest way to expand on emotions and connect them with the reader.

.3. Re-check work - Keep reading and working on what you've already written. Writing is a thing that gets better over time, and a book is never finished because there is always something that could be improved. Listen to your readers' suggestions and comments. 

Please remember that this is based solely on my own opinion. If you so wish for the review to be removed in any shape or form, please let me know. 

Please keep writing & I wish you all the best on your writing journey! 

Thank you for requesting the review & I hope it helps you in some way. Please check, "His Life Changer" if you have time.