Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

DOWNWORLD BOND - SIMON LEWIS

Character Development/ Plot - 

(Chapter One) 

Sarah is an ordinary girl that works as a waitress going about her duties until she bumps into Simon Lewis. This chapter is mostly dedicated to their meet-cute. It's a nice chapter with cute, but cheesy introductory lines. 

(Chapter Two)

While Sarah is washing the dishes in the kitchen, Simon overhears Sarah and Dina talking about how cute he is (the perks of having vampire hearing). They met each other once, so something tells me they won't fall in love this quickly, but the voice that Sarah hears tells her otherwise. I'm wondering where this voice is coming from. Could it be her subconscious?

(Chapter Three)  

On the way home, Sarah continues to think about Simon and the incident from earlier that day. Once she's home, her parents get a vibe that something is off, so Sarah spills what happened. It seems like she has a close relationship with her parents and that they share everything with each other. Her parents aren't concerned after she tells them that everything is fine. My parents probably wouldn't be concerned either. It seems like a common occurrence. 

(Chapter Four) 

Sarah goes for a bike ride, only to be pushed off by a mean teenage boy. And who is at the park at the same time as Sarah? You guessed it. It's Simon. It's their second encounter where they've bumped into each other. I guess you can call it fate. 

(Chapter Five) 

Simon is very much a gentleman by helping Sarah up, pushing the bike for her and getting a bag of ice and a first aid kit for her injured knee. I'm surprised she doesn't find it odd having met in strange circumstances and constantly always bumping into each other. While it's a little cliche in parts, it's very sweet. 

Overall Enjoyment - 

I have read the first five chapters several times (once a long time ago and another time earlier this year), and I don't think many things have changed since I last read your book. I enjoyed reading your book the last time and I still enjoy reading your book now. I know you've gone through writer's block and you have rewritten this book several times and it clearly shows. Keep improving yourself because things can only get better. 

I know I've said this a lot, but I will try to actually finish reading your book. 

Things I think you could improve on are: 

.1. Punctuation - Inserting commas within dialogue tags - A rule of thumb as follows: 

When using he says/ she says before or after the speech, a comma is inserted, separating the speech from the rest of the text. 

When using action tags such as she smiles/ she laughs etc, a full stop is placed before or after the dialogue. 

{Chapter Three - "She nods "it was good."}

{"She nods. "It was good."} 

{Chapter Three - "As she gets there, she instantly smiles "hi."} 

{"As she gets there, she instantly smiles. "Hi."} 

.2. Capital letters within dialogue - Remember when using dialogue, the first letter in the speech has to start with a capital letter. You should also start a sentence with a capital letter (which you do). 

{Chapter Two - "She notices this and slightly smiles "thanks Dina."} 

{"She notices this and slightly smiles. "Thanks, Dina."} 

Note - You could look up videos on YouTube that could help you with capital letters/ when to insert commas within dialogue. Grammarly can also help. 

Please remember that this is based solely on my own opinion. If you so wish for the review to be removed in any shape or form, please let me know.

Please keep writing & I wish you all the best on your writing journey! 

Thank you for requesting the review & I hope it helps you in some way. Please check, "DOWNWORLD BOND - SIMON LEWIS" if you have time.