Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

Bonds And Bones

"I'm not being rude."

"My life is far from normal." 

"Pain is no stranger to me anyway." 

(Chapter Two)

Again, I'm confused about which tense you're trying to use as you use both together. 

You start the chapter in the past tense. Here is an example... "I pushed the door open, trying to act confident, as I stride towards my next class."

If you want to write in the present tense, a suggestion could be, "I push the door open, trying to act confident as I make my way towards my next class."

Then in the next sentence, you switch to present tense. Here is an example... "Swallowing harshly, I try to calm my erratic and wild beatings of my heart." 

If you want to stick to the past tense, a suggestion could be, "Swallowing harshly, I tried to calm the erratic and wild beatings of my heart." 

Then in the next sentence, you switch back to the past tense, but you continue to use present as well. Here is an example... "School is one place I dreaded and whenever I came here, it never ended well for me." 

'is' - present tense

'dreaded' 'ended' - past tense 

If you want to write this in the present tense, a suggestion could be, "School is one place I dread, and whenever I come here, it never ends well for me." 

If you want to write in the past tense, a suggestion could be, "School was a place I dreaded, and whenever I come here, it never ended well for me." 

You then switch back to the past tense. Here is an example... "I was lucky I was in my final year though." 

If you want to write this in the present tense, a suggestion could be, "I'm lucky that this is my final year." 

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Be careful of using repetition. Here is an example, "Shaking my head to class, I head to class my head bowed down..." 

A suggestion could be, "Shaking my head, I proceeded to my next class..." (past tense)

"Shaking my head, I proceed to my next class..." (present tense)

(Chapters four & five) 

Your grammar gets a little better in these chapters as you mostly stick with the present tense. 

Punctuation - 

Your punctuation wasn't that bad. You do miss the placement of commas, or you place a comma in the wrong place. 

Tip - Use the 'text to speech' and have your laptop read back over your work. Play it several times at different speeds because it will help you to find the subtle pauses where a comma should go. 

You can also change the font size or colour, which will help you to spot simple errors whilst reading over your work. Sometimes all you need is a fresh pair of eyes to skim over your work. 

Character development/ plot - 

(Prologue) 

You do a good job showing Miranda's emotional turmoil from being rejected by her mate. I wonder why he rejected her. One thing leads to another, and by the end, I can see a possible result of what will happen.