Aiyla | Uyanış Büyük Selçuklu

Chapter 90

Nizamülmülk stood in a room alone, he stared at the bag that he had been avoiding to open ever since Khayyam gave it to him.

He looked at the window, the moon was beaming in the night sky.

Neden?, Nizamülmülk pondered.

At the end, he mustered the courage to open up the bag.

He found a couple of items and a small pouch that contained letters in it, but he picked up the letter that was all alone in the bag.

If you ever get the chance to read this, then I must be already gone from this temporary world that God had blessed us with...What a world...it has both it's beauty and horror intertwined together. You must have been furious and disappointed with me all these years. You never truly understood how much I gave up for this love to remain protected, I gave up my family, my friends, my homeland, and most importantly my dynasty. Love blinds us so much that we don't see how much things we are burning for its sake. I never regretted my actions nor my love for you, I was the one to initiate our journey together, I went after you even after you told me it was impossible. In the end, you didn't let go of me or for your feelings towards me...I knew that you felt the same feelings that I felt. Do you remember the place we got married at? I never forgot that place, it was the place where we both agreed to our marriage, it was the place where you told me that everything will be better. I might have been selfish to leave you and everything we had, but you had chosen the state over everything and your enemies only began to increase as the Seljuk Empire prospered. Our marriage was a private one and no one really knew about it, I loved that no one really knew, it was just something between us both. I think what drove me away was my fear. I feared that you would choose the state even over your own child. Yes, I said child. When I learned about how I was carrying a child, I was worried. I remembered how my mother slapped me that day that I left the palace, she told me that one day I'll understand her words once I have a child of my own. After learning about my pregnancy, I understood what it means for a mother to fear for her child, I understood the fear my mother meant that day when I left and came to you. Was it reckless? Yes, it was reckless, but so worth it until I knew that we will be parents. I just wanted to protect our child, I shouldn't have left but I was worried that we would lose our baby. Our innocent baby would be lost to the monstrous enemies and the never ending Seljuk interests. You weren't there, when I needed you most, you were not beside me when I cried over our baby's unknown fate that was endangered by so much. Our child became my spark of hope. It's better for you to remain away from our child, if God has destined for you both to meet then you will one day, but until that day don't go seeking a reunion. There are some stuff and letters that will help relieve some of your pain. Time flew by quickly. Allah is my witness, that I always loved you and I continued to love you all these years. I will remain loving you even while I'm dying, but just know I did this for our child's sake. Seni çok seviyorum. Bir gün beni affet. -Aysun

The letter slipped away from his grasp.

His feelings were all over the place, he had kept Aysun buried in his past.

He knew from the start that he shouldn't have let his feelings grow for her, he had told her that she was a young princess, that she had her destiny already written for her and how he wasn't part of her destiny.

He told her it was impossible, but she never gave up and slowly he gave in to his emotions.

Nizamülmülk felt the room swirl around so he left, as he walked he thought about Asyun's letter.

He didn't bother looking into the pouch of letters or other items in the bag, his mind was thinking about how he had a child.

He felt his wounds open up, Aysun was gone now, the hope in reuniting together was now officially gone.