kickin' it | femina bellator

60 | mama mima

"Look, Phil, we are really sorry," Kim apologised.

"SAVE IT, SISTER!" Phil yelled.

"Okay," Kim backed.

"I thought you people were like family to me," Phil said sadly, "But what kind of family does this to a man who just wants to be loved?"

"Oh, I feel horrible, Phil," Jerry said, "Look, I may have forgotten your birthday, but I didn't forget to get you a present."

He looked around the room," Uhm," his eyes landed on his vomit-shirt and he took it off, "Look, uh, I got you this beautiful tie-dyed shirt."

Phil took one sniff and scrunched up his nose, "I don't want this. It smells like a pukey rainbow," he threw it at Kim who screamed.

☆★☆

"Guys, Phil is our friend and we let him down," Rudy said the next day as the four sat gathered in the dojo.

"I didn't," Azalea said, "I baked him a cake and congratulated him."

"Aren't you an angel?" Rudy made a face, "Where was I? Right - so we are gonna throw him the best birthday party ever. All of his friends from the mall are gonna come. Joan is even working on a Hachmachy dance."

"Okay, I did a little research," Kim told them, "And the first thing you need for a traditional Hachmachy birthday party is six gallons of tortoise pee."

"Got it," Jerry said casually.

"How do you have six gallons of-?" Kim started to ask.

"You get a tortoise and you make him drink lots of water," Jerry said, "It's called science, Kim."

"Tell me how that works out for you," Azalea said, "Or, please don't."

"Okay, look at the present that I got him," Kim said proudly, "It's a box for knickknacks made out of ten thousand toothpicks."

"Ooh, can I see that?" Rudy asked.

"Yeah, be very careful," Kim said and the next second Rudy threw the box over his shoulder and it clattered when it hit the ground.

"You know what I got him?" Rudy asked, "His mother. Yeah. She hasn't seen him since he moved to Seaford. I'm flying her over. Mama Mima is gonna be the surprise at the party. Best gift giver ever," he pointed at himself.

"This feels like a terrible idea," Azalea said. "And how can you afford to fly someone over from Hachmachistan but not to by more apple juice?"

"You know what, Lea?" Rudy said, "Phil is my friend and you cannot put a price tag on friendship," he said before a sheepish expression took over his face, "On a totally unrelated subject, tuition is going up to a hundred bucks a piece."

"Sure, I will make sure mom takes those hundred bucks from your birthday money."

☆★☆

"Okay everybody, they are almost here," Kim announced as the stood inside Falafel Phil's where his birthday party was about to take place, "I told Jerry to bring Phil here blindfolded."

"Did you specify who was going to be blindfolded?" Azalea asked but then she saw Jerry enter the dojo with a blindfold and Phil following behind him, "Never mind."