𝓦𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 ~ 𝚂𝚊𝚖 𝚆𝚒𝚕𝚜𝚘𝚗

Year five.........8

Four years, I can't do it anymore Sam. I thought it was going to be simple, I go to the compound, I figure out a plan, I execute said plan, and I bring you back. It's been over four years, I'm so tired, I'm exhausted.I haven't slept in about three days, I'm only eating because Pepper started checking up on me. I feel like I can't do anything until you're back, but at the rate I'm going, I won't get you back and the scares me. Every lead I've had led to a dead end, maybe I'm not looking at things right, or maybe I'm looking at the wrong things, but whatever it is it's not working. Steve's trying to get me back on my feet he really is, but as we get farther into this fifth year without you I can see even him losing hope. I miss you, I can't say it enough, I wish I was good enough, I wish I could have stopped Thanos, I wish we weren't in this situation, I wish I had the ability to stop it, to bring you back. But I don't in the long run I'm useless, and I don't know how to feel about that. I talked with Rhodey the other day, he's always been the reason in my life when you aren't there. He mad me see that it was time for me to actually get to work, to stop moping around every time something doesn't work. I will get you back Sam Wilson, you will see another day, no matter what, even if it ends me.

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"So you're going to Tony's?" Steve questions me again as he gets ready to leave.

"Yes, I'm going to leave in a couple minutes, after you leave for you're therapy session, when you're done I should be back here, you pick me up we go to the compound," I say running through my day. "We've been over this hundreds of times Steve. We do this exact thing at least once a week,"

"Yeah I know, I know," He says picking up his car keys. "Be careful on your way to Tony's," He looks back at me and I nod, I watch as Steve walks towards the front door of our apartment.

"Hey Steve," I say and he turns around. "He'd be proud of you, ya know, Sam. He'd be proud of you for keeping the therapy circle going,"

"He'd be proud of you too,"

"I've done nothing to deserve his pride," I say tears forming in my eyes.

"You haven't quit, that alone deserves his pride," Steve says walking closer to the door before turning around again. "I'll see you in a couple of hours,"

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3rd person POV

"You know I'd offer to cook you dinner but you seem pretty miserable already," Steve says as he leans on a book shelf. Marley walks in shortly after noticing Natasha sitting at a desk her eye filled with tears.

"You hear to do your laundry?" Nat says brushing away her tears trying to make it look like she's fine.

"And too see a friend," Marley says walking farther into the room taking a seat across from Nat.

"And break some news," Steve adds to the list sitting next to Marley.

"well as fun as that sounds, clearly your friend is fine," Nat says,and Steve gives her a look.

"You know we saw a pod of whales when we were coming up the bridge," Steve says.

"in the Hudson?"

"there's fewer ships, cleaner water,"

"You know, if you're about to tell me to look on the bright side. Um... I'm about you to hit you in the head with a peanut butter sandwich," Nat retaliates a small smile on her face.

"Sorry, force of habit," Steve says the same smile on his face. " You know, I keep telling everybody they should move on and... grow. Some do. But not us,"

"Maybe it doesn't need to be done," Marley speaks up from her seat. She watched as tears started forming in Nat's eyes again.

" I used to have nothing. And then I got this. This job... this family. And I was... I was better because of it. And even though... they're gone... I'm still trying to be better," Nat says, Marley immediately gets up to comfort her friend wrapping her arms around her shoulder.

"I think we all need to get a life," Steve says from his seat.

"You first," Nat says back.

"Hey, I had a life, it's not my fault Thanos ripped him away from me,"Marley adds with a grim look as she moves back to hoer spot.

"About that," Steve says looking towards Nat as if to ask her how he should go about saying his next sentence.

"Before all of this, Sam was going to do something," Nat says cautiously.

"Before Thanos, he told me that if something were to happen to wait, until we were-"

"Hold that though," Marley interrupts something catching her eye. She quickly moves over to a computer and starts typing bringing up the security feed. "Is it just me, or is that Scott Lang,