I was in love with Dean Winchester for the last 3 years. But I don't think that he is feeling the same way about me. He is more of a fling guy. So I try to enjoy as much time as I have with him. Living in the bunker really gives me the opportunity to spend much time with him. And today he asked me if I wanted to join him on a simple witch case and I couldn't say no.
But something went wrong and she had the opportunity to put a spell on me. At first I was feeling fine so I thought that maybe she did a mistake. But when we were still in the car, I got a weird idea. 'What will happen if I cut Dean's throat? What would he look like? And I bet his blood would taste amazing'. A smile appears on my face and I bit my lip thinking about it. "Can we stop?" I ask "Why? Are you feeling something weird happening?" he asks worried "No, I just need to take some air" I say and he nods.
He stops at the side of the road and I get out. He does too and comes to me. I touch the knife I had in my jacket and I take it out slowly. I try to cut his throat with a quick mive but he blocks me. "What are you doing (Y/N)?" he asks surprised "I'm experimenting" I say "You what?" "What will happen if I cut your throat" I ask excited. I kick him with my knee in his stomach and I put the knife on his neck. He hits my back on the car and I drop the knife. "(Y/N), snap out of it. It's just a spell. Please, I don't want to hurt you" he says "But I do" I say as I take the knife. I attack him again but he kicks the back of my elg and throws me on the ground. He grabs my hand and punches me. I fell on the ground and soon my eyes closed.
_____________
I woke up tied down on a chair in the dungeon. Dean was sitting against the table right across me. "Wow, is this my new room? Well, it needs some decoration" I say "This is your room until you come back. Come on (Y/N). It's just a spell, you are stronger than that" he says and I chuckle. "Oh yeah? Maybe I don't want to come back" I say "Ok, enough talking" he says "Why? What are you going to do?" I ask and I smile "I will play with you and this blade until you stop talking" he says.
"No you won't. You're all talk" I say. He just stands with his back towards me and looking down at his knife. "You and Sam... The guys who save the world. It's always the two of you against the world, right?" I ask but he still ignores me. "You really think that Sam would do anything for you? You wish" I say with a chuckle "He wouldn't trade his life for yours Deanno. He was never going to do it. He always thought that you are just a scared little boy who's afraid to be on his own because daddy never loved him enough. And he is right, you are a coward" I say and he slams his hand on the table.
"Shut up" he yells "Why? I'm just saying the truth. You are nothing more than a needy, pathetic, bottom-feeder who can't even take care of himself" I say "Who would rather drag everyone through the mud than be alone" I say louder "Who would let everyone around him die--" I yell. He gets ready to stab me with his angel blade but he stops the blade right on my chest barely touching it. He was trembling like he is fighting really hard in order to not push the knife right in my heart. His face was full of anger but I didn't even fling.
"What's the matter Dean? Do it" I say but he just pushes the blade a few inches further but without stabbing me yet. He just applied pressure but it wasn't enough to even cut through my t-shirt. "Oh... You don't want to? Or you can't?" I ask and I smile. He steps back and looks at me "Classic Dean..." I say.
"You appear to be that excellent, strong and emotionless hunter but the truth is that you are being drowned by your emotions and have no idea how to get out because no one has ever cared about you enough to help you, isn't that right Dean?" I ask "When was the last time someone asked you how you're doing? Let me guess, never" I say and I chuckle.
But in a really fast move he slams the blade inside my left palm (or right if you are left handed). The blade went out from the other side of my hand but didn't seem to even scratch any bone. I let a load groan out as he takes the blade out of my hand. "That's it Dean. Keep going baby. Bring it on" I say trying to come back from my high. He takes the first aid kit from and kneels in front of me. He wraps my wound and tightens it as much as possible. He stands up and leaves the room without looking back at me.
A few minutes later Sam comes in the room. He puts a bowl with some things in front of me and says something in Latin. Immediately my whole body started to hurt. That's the last thing I remember.
_____________
I wake up on my bed and the first thing I see is Sam. "Hey, hey, how are you feeling?' he asks "I'm good" I say and he let's out a breath of relief. But then everything came back. My eyes filled with tears immediately. "What did I do?" I whisper. The things that I said to Dean... Even if I had a slight change with him, it's gone now. He probably doesn't even wants to see me.
____________
And that's what happened. I haven't seen him for the last week. He is staying locked inside his room and gets out only when I'm not outside my room. But I had to apologize even though he doesn't want to hear me. I knock his door softly but there is no answer. "I understand if you don't want to see or hear me again. I totally get it. But I wanted to say that I'm sorry" and as I say that a tear rolls down my cheek. "You know that I never apologize because I'm always right but right now I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" I say and a sob escapes my mouth. "I screwed up. And for that I'm sorry" I say crying.
I wipe my tears "You don't need to forgive me. I am leaving tomorrow anyways and I'll stay out of your way forever". I take a deep breath and I start to walk back to my room.
"Wait" I hear his voice and I freeze "Where are you going to stay?" he asks. I turn around and I look at him. It was clear that he was hurt by the way his shoulders were down and his glossy eyes. "A motel or my car. I'll get creative" I say "No, you can stay here. I'm fine" he says "No, you're not fine. I can see that and I am the reason for it" I say.
"No, you're not. It wasn't you the one back there--" "I know that what happened wasn't entirely my fault. My brain was altered by the spell. But it brought something from inside of me out. Every bad memory of mine just came on the surface. I couldn't stop it. The things that I did... The things that I said... The things that I said to you..." I say and I look done embarrassed. "I pushed everyone away and now I'm so afraid that I'm not gonna win them back. And if I don't..." I say fighting not to cry in front of him.
"(Y/N), I forgive you. If that is what you need to hear, I forgive you even though I don't blame you" he says and takes a step closer to me. "Then what are you doing a week now in there?" I ask "I'm trying to deal with the truth and my emotions. You were right about me not knowing how to deal with them" he says and chuckles slightly through the pain.
"Also, I'm sorry for the hand" he says and I look at my wounded hand "Good thing I'm right/left handed" I say and he chuckles "But, honestly, I deserved it. And not only that...". "Come here" he says and hugs me. I was taken by surprise and I didn't know what to do. "I don't bite" he says and I chuckle. I hug him back and he rubs my back.
"I know exactly how you are feeling right now because I've been there. When I was a demon, I said and did worse to people. So let me tell you that you shouldn't let the guilt you are feeling right now drag you down that dark spiral I fell in" he says. He pulls away and cups my cheeks. He looks at me in the eyes "Please. You are strong but also fragile and I don't want you to go through what I went through. I'm willing to forget whatever happened in that room if you are too" he says. I close my eyes and one more tear rolls down my cheek. I nod and he wipes my tear with his thumb.
He wraps his arm around my shoulders "Let's go" he says and we start to walk. He escorts me to his room "You can lay down here, get some rest... I don't want you to feel alone right now" he says "Thank you" I say and I smile. "Uhm... You can wear... this" he says handing me a black t-shirt that he just took out of his closest "I'll be right outside. Open the door when you get dressed" he says and gets ready to leave the room. "Wait, you can just turn around" I say and he nods. He turns his back to me, I take my t-shirt off and I put on his. His t-shirt was pretty big on me and it was like a mini dress. I take my jeans and my bra off under the shirt.
"Ok" I say and he turns. I lay on the bed and he does too. He takes my hair out of my face and puts it behind my ear. I was looking in his green beautiful eyes and I was getting emotional. I close my eyes in order not to cry and he immediately wraps his hands around me. He brings me close to him and lets me fall asleep on his chest.
_____________
At some point, I woke up but I didn't open my eyes. I was really enjoying being in his arms and didn't want to move. His one hand leaves my waist comes up to my face. I don't move or open my eyes. He rubs my cheek softly probably thinking that I'm still asleep. "I love you (Y/N)" he whispers "I've never felt that way about someone. You make me feel things that I can't quite explain and I love it. I love you and I want to be with you forever. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and only you (Y/N). With everything that I have, I love you (Y/N)" he whispers. My heart rate was probably close to 300 beats per minute and I didn't know what to do. Open my eyes or keep them close. Talk to him or don't say anything. He kisses my head and gets comfortable on a comfortable position on the bed.
______________
The morning, he was still holding me close to him. But I didn't sleep for a second since he opened up to me. He seemed to be asleep right now. I take a deep breath and I open my eyes. I look at his sleeping and so calm face. He was adorable and I couldn't keep myself from smiling. I place my hand on his head and I play with his hair.
A few minutes later he opens his eyes. "Good morning" he says "Good morning" I say smiling. He smiles too. "I love you too" I say and his smile falls from his face. "Y- You heard?" he asks a bit scared "I did and I love you too" I say. He smiles again and kisses my lips. The feeling of his lips against mine caused an amazing feeling inside my chest. Honestly, I didn't want to pull away. I didn't need air. I just wanted him.
He pulls away but still holding my cheek. "I'm not going to let anyone or anything hurt you again EVER! I will do my best to keep that beautiful smile on your face forever" he says "I know that you will. I promise to help you deal with those feelings that are beating you down and no one tried to understand" I say and he looks down. I lift his head back to me "Hey, it's not going to be easy because you are a really strong person. Gosh... you are more than strong. But we are going to do this. And I want you to be fully comfortable near me. I'm here for the happy and fun times but also for the bad ones. You can yell, you can scream, you can cry... whatever you need, I'm here for it" I say.
"I love you so much" he says and I smile "I love you too" I say and I hug him.