"Are you really going to make me choose?" I ask pissed "Yes, I am" Dean yells at me. He was making me choose between him and my dad. Our mothers died the same way and our dad's started working together about 5 years ago when they met on a case and realized that they are looking for the same thing, the yellowed demon.
So for the last 5 years we are hunting with the Winchesters. I immediately bonded with Sam and Dean, they became something like my big brothers really quickly. But during the last year something changed. Dean and I have grown closer. We basically got drunk and slept together. Since then Dean and I have sex now and then just to blow some steam off. Of course, nobody else except us knew about it. It was just sex, no feelings... At least for Dean. I fell for him really quickly but I didn't say anything because I was afraid that I was going to lose him completely.
But yesterday a lot of things changed. Our dads got into a bad fight and they broke up. My dad is leaving and John is leaving too. Dean is insisting on me going with him but I don't want to leave my family. "How about you come with me?" I ask "No way" "Why? You can't leave your dad, I get it, but so can't I" "Ok then" he says and starts packing his things.
"So this is it? You've made your choice, you're leaving. All because I won't follow you and your dad?" I ask fighting really hard to keep my tears back "Yes" he says without even looking at me "It's not like we had anything important" he continues. "It was important to me" I say and he finally looks at me "For me this thing between us was something because I love you. So please, don't do this, don't leave me".Tears were falling freely down my face now. I was unable to hold them back. My heart felt like it was about to break in to a thousand pieces. I loved him, I really did. But I knew... Deep, deep down that he didn't love me. But I loved him anyways. I looked at his olive green eyes that stared into mine. No emotion there at all. But I still loved him. "Well sweetheart, I don't" he says and continues packing his things. And with that my heart finally broke.
There was no way I'd walk out of here tonight the same person. He had just destroyed me. "It maybe stings a bit now but you'll move on sweetheart, don't worry" he says and smiles. I say nothing, I just slap him. He doesn't seem shocked or anything which made me even angrier. I grab my duffel bag and pulled it over my shoulders. I couldn't look at him. If I did, I'd break down. I walked out of Dean's life that night when I walked out of the motel room.
15 years later
"Mandy! Get your ass here, I'm leaving" I yell and she comes running to me "I'm ready, let's go" she says and we finally leave the motel. It is an easy salt and burn for today which I'm not mad for because it means more sleep for later.
"(Y/N)? I'm probably gonna go for drinks later, get laid maybe if I find something nice, wanna come?" she asks as I park the car "No, I'm gonna go and crush for a few extra hours" I say and I get out of the car. She comes out too and we meet in the truck "Oh come on (Y/N), it will be fun" "Nah, I'm going to be fine alone" "Fine" she says as I close the truck.
"But if you change your mind--" "I won't" I say interrupting her. "Hey, did you had anyone after that Dean guy?" she asks "Of course I had" "Liar" "I'm not ly--" I start saying but I stop as I see two guys digging the grave that we are supposed to dig. "I guess we are off the case" Mandy says "Yeap" I say.
We are ready to leave but we stop as we see the ghost appear behind the guys and throws them away from the grave. Mandy and I run there and I try to deal with the ghost while she is trying to salt and burn the bones. I shoot it with rock salt bullets again and again but it keeps coming back. The other hunters are probably unconscious. "Mandy... today" I say and I shoot the ghost again. She finally throws the lighter in and the ghost catches on fire.
I let out a breath and I turn to her "You go find the one, I'll go find the other" she says and I nod. We run to them. They were thrown to opposite directions. As I reach the hunter he seems to be coming back. "Hey, how are you feeling?" I ask as I help him get up. And now I realize how tall he is. "I think I'm good, thanks. I should--" "We finished it" I say and he looks back at me. "(Y/N)? Is that you?" he asks "Yes?" I say hesitating and I put my hand on my gun. "It's me Sam" he says and then it hit me "Oh my God, Sammy" I say and we hug. "I missed you" he says "I missed you too" I say and we pull away "Look at you, I don't remember you being so tall" I say and he chuckles.
"Sammy, are you ok?" I hear a voice that I haven't heard in the last 15 years say. It was deeper than I remembered it but it was his. I wanted to disappear right then and there. I can't look at him again. He destroyed me back then and I can't let him do it again. I won't survive it.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Dean, you won't believe me if I tell you who this is" Sam says and I still have my back turned to Dean. Even hearing his name hurts like hell. No, I can't stay. And as I think of this I start running back to the car. Mandy follows behind me. We both get in the car and I start the engine. We left the place as fast as possible. "So, what was that about?" Mandy asks. I wipe a tear that rolled "That hunter, the one that you run to... He is Dean" I say. The rest of the ride was silent. She knows how much he hurted me back then.
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It's been a week after the incident and I haven't talked or seen anyone. That night, after our meeting, when I made sure that Mandy fell asleep I left. I let her know that I left because I needed some time alone which was true. I didn't want to see or hear anyone. That's why I drove as far as I could from the place I left them. I drove about 18 hours and then I checked in in a motel. I haven't gotten out since then.
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One more week passed. I am feeling the same pain like the one I had 15 years ago. But I don't know if I'm gonna survive this time.
But a knock at the door brings me back to reality. I get up from the bed and I walk slowly to the door. I watch outside the window and I see Mandy. I open the door and she hugs me as soon as she sees me. "God, I thought that you would do something stupid" she says. "Sorry, I just needed some time alone" I say "It's ok. I'm here now and I'm going to make sure that you will be fine. This bastard won't come close to you ever again" she says and I nod.
"Well, it's kinda late" I hear and that's when I saw him. Damn, he hasn't aged at all. His olive green eyes look the same, his dirty blonde hair are the same as I remembered. He is still perfect. Damn it. Mandy pulls away from the hug and turns to look at him. "Get the hell out of here" she says "I'm not going anywhere, (Y/N), can we talk?" he asks but I don't answer. I'm frozen in place trying not to break down.
"(Y/N) doesn't want to talk to you so leave now" Mandy says "(Y/N)?" he says ignoring her. "Just leave Dean" she says "(Y/N)!" Dean yells this time. "Just a talk" he continues. I look at Mandy and she shakes her head and then back at Dean. "5 minutes" I say "No, (Y/N)--" she starts saying but I interrupt her "Please Mandy" I beg "I'll be back in 5 minutes" she says and leaves the room.
"I'm listening" I say as I sit on the bed. I keep my gaze at the floor because I know that I'm not gonna be able to hold back my breakdown for long if I look at him. "I... I actually don't know where to start" he says and I hear him walking to me. "Just say what you have to say and go. Don't make it worse" I say.
"I missed you and I didn't really like the fact that you run away after realising that I was there" he says "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know I needed your permission to get away from the reason that broke me 15 years ago and changed me forever" I say and I look at him. "Sorry, I didn't mean it that way" he says "No, you just don't care. That's what you did back then and that's exactly what you are doing now. You don't care about who are you hurting with your actions and especially with your words" I say trying to seem strong enough to fight him.
"I love you too (Y/N)" he says and I freeze. Don't believe him, it's just a trick. That's what my minds is telling me right now. "I just didn't know what that feeling was back then" he continues "And you do now?" I ask with tears streaming down my face "Yes" "And what? You expect me to welcome you back this easy? Do you have any idea what I've been through all these 15 years while you were screwing a different chick at every stop?" I say and a sob escapes my mouth.
"Wait, how do you--" he starts saying "Oh come on Dean, everybody knows about the legend Dean Winchester and not only for the hunting part. You were living your best life while I was crying alone in a motel room trying to figure out what I did so wrong that made you hate me this much. Because only if you hate someone, you can do something this painful to them" I say looking at him. He looks down like he was embarrassed that I confronted him.
"I'm sorry" he says and I chuckle ironically "See, a sorry isn't enough to make up for those 15 years of hurt. Because of you the first year after you took off, I was only crying. Because of you I couldn't go to help my dad on the hunt that he got killed. Because of you I felt broken for so many years. Because of you every time I looked at a couple, I was thinking why are they so happy together and I can't? Because of you I've never been with another guy. Because of you I couldn't love anyone again. Because of you I was afraid to love again. Because you crashed me with just a few words that play in my mind all the time; It maybe stings a bit now but you'll move on sweetheart, don't worry. I even remember how emotionless you look. But guess what? I didn't move on. I couldn't move on. All because of you" I say crying. At this point I looked like a broken mess.
I didn't realize that he walked to me until I felt his arms wrapped around me. He pulled me to his chest and picked me up. He sat on the bed, letting me sit on his lap. His arms were protectively wrapped around me and he let me cry in his chest. "It's ok, let it out" he whispers to me. It was like he knew how I felt and he was waiting for me to cry it all out. Cry for all those years of hurt. Hurt that he had created.
When I started to calm down, Dean took a tissue out of his pocket and wiped my tears. After that he hugged me again and let me lay my head on his chest. We stayed in the same position for a few more minutes in complete silence. Just enjoying each other's company.
I hear the door open and I look at it's direction. "Ok, it's been 10 minutes. Time to leave Deano" Mandy says but I don't move from Dean's lap. He doesn't move either. "Give us a few minutes more" I say and she nods and leaves. "I was stupid back then, I need one more chance (Y/N)" he says. I get off his lap and I sit next to him. "I don't know Dean".
He kneels in front of me and takes my hands in his. "I'm begging you (Y/N), I need one more chance to make it right. Let me do this right this time" he says and kisses my hand. Oh my God, I've been dreaming those lips so many years now. "And what if you decide to leave again?" I ask "Then I give you the right to shoot me" he says and I chuckle. He smiles at me and I smile back. "Fine" I say and he crashes his lips on mines. I kiss him back but I pull away after a few seconds.
"But it's a testing period for the first weeks or months" I say "I'm fine with that" he says and kisses me again. The door opens and Mandy bursts in. "Did you take him back?" she asks "Yeah, but if he tries something he gave me the right to shoot him which I'm gonna pass to you" I say "Good, because I won't hesitate to shoot you if I see her crying again for you" she says and Dean laughs. "I won't" he says and we kiss again.