I wake myself up earlier than normal just so I can make it out before Mephisto wakes.
I tiptoe into the bathroom to wash up, bringing a new set of clothes with me. I quickly run a brush through my hair, brushing my teeth vigorously.
I can feel the bristles beginning to break off after running over the tips of my fangs.
I spit them out into the sink, putting on my normal black shorts, tank, and tight, leather jacket.
I look at my face in the mirror, smiling.
This is the first time for a while that I don't have bags, scars, or anything like that.
I exhale sharply and reenter the bedroom to see Mephisto still passed out on the bed. He suddenly grabs onto my extra pillow, thinking that it's me.
I smile, tempted to snuggle up next to him.
But then I realize that's exactly what I shouldn't do.
This is why I'm getting up early, so I can't let it go in vain.
I grab a piece of paper lying on the floor, snatching a pen from the nightstand to scribble down a note for him.
"My love,
I'm going to breakfast with Shura. Don't worry, she's waiting for me outside your mansion.
I'll be home a bit later after you've awoken. I love you lots. ~ Your Honey."
I cautiously add the fact that she's already at the mansion just so he doesn't freak out about me walking to her dorm on my own.
I place it next to his phone, running out quick before I accidentally throw myself back into his arms.
Once I'm outside our room, I quickly dial Shura's number.
It rings for a long time, and by the time she finally answers, I'm already down the stairs.
"What?" Her voice rasps through the speaker.
Her voice is groggy and rough.
But I suppose that's normal for a person at 6 in the morning.
"Hey. Let's meet somewhere. Now." I say. "Anywhere you want. I'll treat you."
"The hell?" She complains. "It's six in the morning and I'm hungover as fuck."
I sigh and stop in the main foyer. "Okay, fine. I'll bring you something to your dorm. What do you want?"
"Coffee and Tylenol." She immediately says. "And six pack and a pack of cigarettes if you're down."
I laugh under my breath. "Alright. I'll be there soon."
I end the call, making my way to the front door. But before I can make it, Kaji dashes in front of it, causing me to gasp.
"Jesus!" I clutch onto my chest, breathing heavily. "Kaji... why are you up so early?!"
He widens his eyes.
"Oh, I'm so sorry!" He holds out his hands. "I, um... I get up at this time every day."
"Oh, okay." I nod my head and pull the collar of my jacket. "Well... have a good one."
"Wait," He reaches out to me once I put my hand on the door knob. "Is everything okay? Is Mephisto going to be leaving today as well?"
I pause and part my lips, laughing nervously.
"No, Kaji." I say. "If he asks you anything, just tell him I'm out with Shura, okay?"
Even though he'd already know that by then, I get the feeling he'd still ask Kaji where I went out of pure suspicion.
"Um, okay... but-" He clears his throat. "I'm a terrible liar. Mr. Pheles can always tell when I'm lying."
"It's not a lie." I shake my head. "Go ahead and call Shura if you have to."
"No, no. I trust you, of course." He nods his head. "I just wanted to make sure everything was okay."
I look him in the eye. "What do you mean? Of course everything's okay."
He nods his head again and looks down. "I just... I heard you and Mephisto yelling last night. I was hoping you weren't unhappy."
I smile and embrace him warmly.
"I promise you I'm okay." I rub his back and kiss his cheek.
He blushes and smiles nervously.
"I'm glad. Especially with everything going on now." He adds. "You deserve to make up for the happiness you lost before you came here."
I realize he's saying that because he's one of the few people that knows about how my life was before True Cross.
"Oh, no. You're misunderstanding." I say with a laugh. "I secretly loved it, you know. Moving from house to house like that. It was like a continuous Shonen anime, and it was invigorating. It... it felt nice not being tied down."
"Really?" He smirks. "I guess that despite it's nature, breaking in somewhere can have some level of excitement."
"Oh, it did." I say with a smile. "Quite often, I'd take small things that they wouldn't notice is gone and sell it for a few bucks. And with that money, I treated myself to a drink at my favorite bar every week."
Kaji laughs.
"And I actually became really good friends with the bartender. I even almost kissed him once." I shake my head and laugh. "But of course, I was shit faced drunk."
He smiles at me. "Well, I'm glad to hear that, Judi."
I smile back at him.
I remember when we first talked about this.
It was a little before we left to Osaka, and he was all sorts of curious.
It warms my heart that he's remembered for all this time.
"Well... I should get going." I smooth my hair back. "It was nice talking to you again, Kaji. I needed that."
He nods his head and opens the door for me. "I agree. We should talk again, sometime."
I wink at him and walk off into the clean air of the morning.
He's maturing.
His voice is getting deeper, he's getting taller.
Hell, he's actually pretty attractive now.
I smile to myself and make my way towards the nearest store to get Shura's hangover medicine.
~
I don't even knock on the door, because I know it's unlocked.
And sure enough, she's sprawled out on the bottom bunk with an empty bottle of beer next to her hand.
As soon as she hears me, she sits up and keeps the blanket wrapped around her, smirking at me.
"Hey, you sexy thing." She chuckles.
I empty out the contents of the plastic bag on her bed, the medicine, six pack, and cigarettes falling on top of her.
I hand her the cup of coffee in my hand, to which she squeals from excitement.
"Damn, you sure did keep true to your word." She smiles. "Surprised Mephisto let pretty little Judi out of the kennel this early."
I smirk. "Well, he didn't really. I made sure to wake up before he did."
"Oh... so that's why you decided to wake me up at the crack of fucking dawn." She sips the coffee and tosses a few pills in her mouth. "You and Mephisto are having a little lover's quarrel."
"Shut up." I pull up a chair and sit in front of her bed, crossing my legs. "We're not... fighting."
"Oh, but something's not right." She says. "And you've come here to talk to me about it."
I groan and prop my feet up on her bed. "I just need some advice. From a woman."
"I understand." She completely downs the rest of the coffee, exhaling deeply as soon as she finishes. "You're always around men, I wouldn't be surprised if you started acting like one."
"Yeah, that's not gonna happen. Ever." I laugh. "And if it does, go ahead and end my life for me."
She laughs with me and suddenly grabs the entire six pack.
I raise an eyebrow at her.
"Seriously? You're already getting to the beer?" I shake my head. "I thought you had a hangover!"
"Yeah, and it hurts like a bitch." She opens one can. "But luckily you got light beer, so it'll wash it away real quick."
I scoff and watch the look of satisfaction on her face as she drinks it.
"So, what's going on?" She leans against the headboard of the bed.
I look up at her.
"Well..." I clear my throat. "I don't... I don't even think we have any problems, it's just..."
I think to myself.
It's nearly impossible to try and put Mephisto and I's issues into words.
"I can't... stay mad at him. For anything. Even if I should." I shake my head. "Every single time I do something stupid, or he does something stupid... it just ends with us running back into each other's arms and fucking our pain away."
"Well, what is it exactly you were arguing over?"
I laugh nervously. "We weren't arguing-"
"Judi." She draws my name out. "Just tell me."
I groan and decide to just let it all out.
"Well... at first it was about..." I sigh deeply. "About having a baby."
Shura raises her eyebrows.
"And... him and I aren't in agreement." I continue. "I want one, but he wants to wait. He was saying that we weren't ready, but then afterwards it started sounding more like he wasn't ready-"
"That's completely normal for a dude, Judi." Shura says with a smile. "Most women are quick to jump on the idea of having a kid of their own, but for men it's completely different."
"But this is Mephisto we're talking about." I retort. "He's not exactly a standard man."
"That maybe true, but it's not 100% true." She exclaims. "Take last night for example. Any boyfriend would shred another guy to pieces if he saw him talking to his girl like that. Any boyfriend would worry about his girl if she were in a troublesome situation. He has a lot of qualities that make him a normal guy to some extent, Judi... just like how he's reluctant to have a child."
I take what she says into heavy consideration.
She's right in some ways, but there's still that taste of uncertainty at the back of my tongue.
"I don't know... it's just after we found out we couldn't have one a while ago... he just seemed so broken." I reply. "He seemed so... upset. He was hysterical."
"As any man would be." Shura retorts. "Of course he would be upset. But it wasn't just for himself, but it was for you, too."
I look at her and wait for her to continue.
"I'm sure he knew how important it was to you." She exhales deeply. "You're the love of his life... and it's hard giving terrible news like that to his girl."
I nod my head and twiddle my thumbs.
"After that... I tried to get another drink, but then he snatched my phone away." I say. "I was so overwhelmed in that moment. I was tired. Irritable. And... for some reason, in the heat of that moment... I broke down."
She looks up at me.
"But I broke down in his arms, and for the rest of time after that, I didn't even think about what we had been yelling at each other over. As if it never even happened." I shake my head. "But this isn't the first time. Almost all of our 'arguments' end just like that."
I scoff and lean back in the chair. "I don't even know if we're solving our problems. Or if they're even problems at all."
I reach over and grab a cigarette out of the carton, placing it in between my lips. I snap my fingers and light the end, breathing out the smoke slowly.
I rarely smoke, but when I do, I'm reminded of how good it feels.
I'm lucky I don't get addicted to these things.
I suddenly freeze and put the cigarette in between my fingers.
That's...
That's it.
"Oh my god." I slowly look over at Shura. "That's why I keep doing this."
"Huh?" She wrinkles her eyebrows.
"That's the reason why I just keep running back to him. No matter what." I shake my head. "I'm addicted to him."
She widens her eyes. "Whoa."
"Think about it!" I inhale more of the smoke. "When you're addicted, you keep going back to it whether it's good for you or not. You keep going back to it... because you want it. And it's the only thing you want."
I feel myself choking up. "You want it so badly... it's the only thing you can think of. It's the only thing you can see."
Shura stares at me with what seems to be astonishment. "Judi..."
"It makes so much sense." I breathe out more smoke. "When I'm with him, I can only think about how much I want him and how much I love him. And whenever things start getting tense between us, my longing for him pulls through and makes me forget what's truly on my mind."
"Damn." Shura grabs a cigarette and lights it. "That's some philosophical shit."
I nod my head and try to focus on the sensation of the cigarette. "Yeah..."
"But, hey. I give it to you, kid." She huffs the smoke in my face. "You're completely right."
"Really?" I sigh. "I was hoping you'd say I was wrong."
"Why is that?" She laughs. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with being addicted to the man you love."
"But-"
"Listen, Judi. You've got to look at things from a different perspective." She leans forward. "Sure, addiction can have a pretty negative connotation. But it's how you deal with your addiction that distinguishes whether it's unhealthy or not."
I part my lips, not a word coming out.
"From my view, you and Mephisto are absolutely fine. Not many couples can go through what you've gone through and see what you've seen and still manage to love each other unconditionally." She explains. "The fact that you still run to each other even after fighting is a perfect example of that. The love you have for each other is far more important than the petty shit you're arguing over."
She exhales some more smoke.
"But arguing isn't a bad thing, either. It's good to address your issues whether the outcome is good or bad afterwards. But the outcome isn't always immediate. It may take time to solve or completely understand what it is you're disagreeing over. And that, my friend... is perfectly okay."
I smile at her.
I've never heard her being so insightful.
And I've never felt so relieved.
"You see... couples like you and Mephisto..." Shura laughs under her breath. "Y'all need each other even when you don't. You... make up excuses just so you can be with them all the time. You protect each other even when you're not in danger."
I feel myself tensing up.
You protect each other even when you're not in danger.
I think back to all the times I got mad at him for being "overprotective".
I should've come to Shura sooner.
I smile at her. "Thanks for that."
She smirks. "Of course. Gotta give to the needy sometime, after all."
"Tch." I laugh and cloud the air in front of me with smoke.
"But... one last thing I need to say." She suddenly says.
I nod my head.
"Even if Mephisto doesn't want a kid right now..." She smiles to herself. "If you were to have one, at anytime... he'd love that little baby with his life. He'd cherish and love that baby just like he does with you."
I can feel my heart bursting and my inner school girl trying to jump out.
"He's gonna make a great father, actually." She says. "Mephisto maybe crazy... but when he loves something or someone..."
She looks up at me.
"He's gonna make sure you feel that love."
I laugh and smile in my chair, wanting to shake my hands from happiness.
She laughs at me and takes a break from her cigarette to drink.
"And to think..." I glare at her while trying to keep my smile down. "I thought you hated Mephisto in the beginning."
"Hey, I still do!" Her expression and voice completely changes. "He's manipulative, he's sneaky, he's shady, he's an asshole, he's inconsiderate-!"
She begins to laugh again.
"But he's still the only one for you."
I smile and bite my lip.
When I think of it, Shura and Mephisto's relationship has changed significantly since when I first got here.
Come to think of it, it's not just them.
Hell, even Angel and I.
He vowed to have me killed for the longest time...
But now... we're...
Friends?
I shake my head.
Yeah, not gonna say that word just yet.
Shura and I smoke and talk for a while, and before we know it, two hours has already passed.
I pull out my phone to check the time.
8:24.
I pause.
Mephisto has been long awake by now.
I'm surprised he hasn't-
And with that thought, his caller ID shows up on the screen.
I answer it quickly.
"Baby." I smile and hold the phone to my ear.
"My love." His sensual voices flows through the speaker and straight down between my legs it seems. "Are you still with Shura?"
"Yeah, I am." I answer. "I'll be coming home within a few minutes, so you won't have to wait much-"
"We actually have a meeting to attend, Judi." He says.
"What?" I glance over at Shura. "What meeting?"
"You know..." Mephisto replies. "The meeting that will be covering the situation with Azazel. Timothee sent out the message to all of us last night."
I frown.
"Well, that's why I don't know. You completely shut my phone off last night, remember?" I groan and throw my head back in agony.
I was looking forward to being with Mephisto now that I have a clear conscience.
"Oh, yes. That would be my fault." I can hear him faintly laughing. "But it was necessary."
I sigh, but I can't help but feel grateful.
He's right. I wouldn't want to imagine what I would be like if I had another drink.
"The meeting begins at 9 at Headquarters, the same place the last meeting took." He adds. "I'll see you then, my love."
"Alright." I hang up and shove my phone back into my pocket.
"Why didn't you tell me we had a meeting at 9?" I face Shura, who's now just finished her third can of beer.
"Oh, shit. I forgot about that." She suddenly gets up, the empty cans littering the floor when she gets up. "I have to get ready, then."
I groan and get up after her, throwing all of the trash she left in the bin.
A meeting for Azazel, huh?
Even though Jen may not be the definition of dead he anticipated, I still long for the day that I finally get to make him suffer.
Come to think of it, no one has seen Bella anywhere.
I wonder if she's found him... or if she's even still looking.
Nonetheless, she isn't my problem right now.
Azazel is our number one priority. And it's my job to keep a level head during this time.
Shura comes out a few moments later with her hair pulled back and her usual tight fitting bra covered just slightly by a tight Exorcist's coat.
She lights another cigarette and sighs.
"Let's get going now. I don't wanna have to rush to get there." She suggests, pinning her badge onto her coat.
I nod my head. "Sure. But only if you give me another cigarette."
"Goddamn." She laughs and tosses me another one out of the carton. "Maybe you're getting addicted to these, too."
"Don't be silly." I light the end quickly, placing it in between my teeth. "The one advantage I have as a demon is I can't succumb to addiction as much as you do. Alcohol, drugs, cigarettes... it's only in the moment that I want it. Afterwards, I have no desire for it."
"Tch. You bitch." She opens the door and walks me out. "I couldn't give alcohol and cigarettes up even if my life depended on it."
I laugh under my breath and throw my arm around her shoulder. "Those things'll probably kill you before someone else does, then."
She laughs with me, and together, we fill the entire hallway with the scent of smoke.
~
I quickly smash the cigarette under my boot, kicking it out of sight before we enter the meeting room.
There was still plenty of it left, but I didn't want to have to smoke it in front of every one else.
But, of course, Shura walks in with it still dangling between her lips.
And for some reason, her and I are the last ones to show up.
Exorcists are piled in the room, most of them standing up.
Mephisto is seated at the head of the table, and the only two seats left are on the opposite end.
And on those seats are Shura and I's names.
I frown.
Shura grabs my arm and sits me next to her, the smell of the smoke filling up my nose as we sit.
"Now that everyone is here," Mephisto stands tall and clears his throat. "Let us just get right to the point. We do not have much time to spare."
Everyone faces Mephisto, waiting for him to continue.
"Today we will be naming off the chosen individuals who will undergo the mission to capture Azazel." He continues. "Not all of you in this room will be chosen, and those of you who aren't will be replacements if someone happens to get injured or... taken."
"Taken?" An Exorcist exclaims. "What do you mean by taken?"
Mephisto frowns and turns his way. "Taken- the past participle of take, which is a verb that means to capture or gain possession of by force or military means."
I see Lewin and a few others trying not to laugh at the under end the table.
The Exorcist's face turns red. "Sorry... sir. I was just wondering why he would-"
"If you have any other deficient questions, I will take them outside of this room." Mephisto glares. "That is... if I'm not completely tired of you by then."
That's when everyone quiets down.
He seems especially irritable today.
"Anyways," He exhales sharply. "I will now name off the individuals who will partake in Azazel's capture-"
"In alphabetical order-
Arthur Angel,
Izumo Kamiki,
Shura Kirigakure,
Lewin Light,
Rin Okumura,
Yukio Okumura,
Myself,
Bon Suguro,
Nemu Takara,
and Kaoru Tsubaki."
A few people groan when they don't hear their name.
Except I don't groan.
I sit there in my chair, startled and speechless as to why I didn't hear my name called.
Shura glances over at me with a confused look.
"What the hell?" She says under her breath. "He must've just skipped your name or something-"
"If your name has been called, the expedition will begin tonight at 7. We will depart from the Academy and track down Azazel, alive. This is vital." His voice gets louder and more aggressive. "He will be brought back alive."
Everyone nods their head.
"We will meet here at Headquarters. If you are late, you are left behind. I don't have time for people who cannot take this seriously." Mephisto adds. "Thank you. You are all dismissed."
I raise my eyebrows and watch as everyone begins to leave.
Why did I have to come if I wouldn't have been chosen anyways?!
Let alone all of the other Exorcists who didn't get chosen either?
Is this supposed to be some kind of joke?
I push my chair back and make my way towards Mephisto, who's busy conversing with Lewin and a few other Exorcists.
I grab him by the arm, yanking him so hard that he nearly falls over.
He laughs and catches himself before he can, grabbing onto me for support.
"Well, hello." He continues to laugh. "That was a bit forceful-"
"What the hell?" I shake my head and scoff. "Why?!"
His smile dies down. He takes my hand in his and leads me outside away from everyone else.
"Just listen, Judi. I-"
"Why am I not going?" I fold my arms across my chest. "I know you were the one who created that list, Mephisto. You literally chose everyone we know except for me!"
"I know I did, Judi." He retorts. "But-"
"And the fact that I was required to attend this meeting is just another layer of bullshit over this entire situation." I shake my head. "Are you... are you trying to point something out to me? Are you trying to tell me something, or-?"
"Judi, you weren't the only Exorcist in there that didn't get chosen. You know that." He cuts me off. "But in the Japan Branch, any Exorcist that isn't a beginner is required to attend meetings such as this one. Even if they aren't going, it's still important that they are aware of the situation. Because, I don't know if you noticed, but being an Exorcist can be a dangerous job, and we need to know we have others we can go to if we happen to lose a few on the way."
I sigh and bite the inside of my lip. "That still doesn't explain why you aren't letting me go."
He exhales deeply and looks me in the eyes.
"We don't want to exorcise, or in this case, murder Azazel in public, which is exactly where we anticipate he is." He says. "The reason I want him brought back alive is so that you can deal with him when he gets back."
I part my lips.
"If Azazel were to see you during the mission, we would have to end his life there. But if you don't go, we can easily bring him back and have him killed under the supervision of the Vatican."
"Supervision?" I raise an eyebrow. "If your plan works, you really want to be able to see what happens when I-"
"I know." He replies. "Everyone is fully aware of this. But we are all accepting, as it is safer for the people of Assiah to have him detained as soon as possible."
I sigh and look past him, mainly so I don't have to look at him.
I can't think straight when I look into his eyes.
He has a point, I suppose.
But just how long is it gonna take to find him and bring him back?
Everyone will be gone.
"How long will you be gone?" I look into his eyes anyways.
He sighs and wraps his arm around my waist.
"We won't be gone long." He replies. "I promise. I don't want to be away from you either, Judi."
I touch his arm and sigh.
"You protect each other even when you're not in danger."
Shura's voice fills my head.
I'm addicted to Mephisto Pheles.
And that's the first step.
Being aware that you're addicted.
"I'm sorry I snapped." I say. "But I still want to go. I don't want to be without you, or without anyone else-"
He stops me by kissing me.
I pull away and stare into his eyes again. "You could've told me. You could've... given me a heads up that you were-"
He kisses me more intensely and moves me farther down the hall so that no one can see us.
"You're gonna make it impossible for me to leave-" He whispers, bunching my hair up in his hands.
"Then don't." I say back. "Let the others take care of him."
"I can't do that, now." He caresses my cheek. "I suppose it's time to start showing leadership skills towards these people."
I nod my head and touch his perfectly tied tie.
"You taste like cigarettes." He says with a smirk.
"Sorry." I laugh under my breath.
"Who said I was complaining?" He kisses me again, this time as if he's trying to steal the taste for himself.
He should've told me sooner he was going to leave.
And now I know.
Now I know what it feels like for the person you love to leave from your sight.