With a deep sigh I stared down at my hands as the water rushed over them clearing my skin of Dom's blood. What I did wasn't right, Dom had been my friend for many years but even as I watched his blood mix with the water I couldn't find an ounce of sympathy within myself. I didn't care, I didn't feel bad for him I had no idea what condition he was in nor did I care to find out. Ellis insisted that I leave while he stayed at the hotel to answer what questions Monroe would have. The way he spoke to me was like he was talking to a stranger and that alone told me that I wasn't doing too good. Turning off the faucet I stared back at my reflection, the bruises that lingered my pale skin almost appeared black. The dried blood was molded over the wound and left a long trail down my neck. I probably should have stayed to get stitches then I remembered who I had to keep my good looks for. Right now I didn't look like myself even my eyes were sunken in. I hadn't been sleeping well but now it was even more obvious. I was a shell of myself and Angie's betrayal just tipped the scales and I completely lost it.
I blamed myself, it's been weeks and still I haven't been able to get my mind right.
" What's happening to me?" I muttered hopelessly like my reflection would really give me an answer. Pulling my shirt off I tossed it into the overflowing dirty clothes hamper and grabbed ahold of my sweatpants to do the same when my phone began to ring. Heading back into my room I grabbed my phone off of the charger as I read the name Ellis.
" Hey"
Ellis let out a long sigh. " Hey? Are you alright?"
" I'm okay, I'm just out of it I guess" chuckling to myself I sat down on the edge of the bed. "
" What the hell, I've seen you spaz out but not like that. You weren't out of it back there Kaleb. You knew exactly what you were doing "
" You really called to lecture me?" I spat immediately. " You know what I'm sick and fuckin tired of people who don't know a thing about me thinking they have any kind of right to judge me. " Holding the phone to my ear I stood back on my feet and began to pace back and forth across the front of my bed
"I'm not perfect not by a long fuckin long shot but put anyone in my shoes and make them walk the same walk I did and let's see if they can even function at all in society. They would have lost their minds years ago. "
Ellis paused. " Kaleb that's not"-
" I'm not fuckin okay Ellis, I have to deal with all of this and worry about everyone. But no one worries about me, Nobody gives a fuck about Kaleb" as the words left my mouth I felt myself begin to shake with rage because every word was true. Mia begged for me to talk to her but never asked how I was doing, she didn't care about me..
" Fuck!" Punching the wall, no pain jolted from my knuckles but a crack began to rip through the wall. All I could hear was the sound of my blood pumping through my ears with my heart thumping heavily through my fists. Looking at the damage I could barely make out Ellis's voice anymore. Just then my eyes darted over to the phone my hand tightened around it and I shook as my rage boiled over.
" I hate this shit"
With a huff I slammed it into the wall again and again until nothing but broken pieces were left. The inside of my palm bled and I stared at the bleeding gash in my hand as I sat back down on my bed. The weight on my shoulders was becoming too much for me to handle and as I listened to the emptiness of my home, hot, salty water drops fell onto my wound, it stung but only slightly. The drops didn't stop, I didn't try to stop, I was alone and for the first time in years I felt as vulnerable as I did the day my mom left.
_________________________
Shifting comfortably a grin tugged at the corner of my mouth as a warm, soft hand slid across my chest. Sweet smells of coconut and mint tickled my nostrils as a gentle kiss was placed on my shoulder.
" Feeling better?"
I knew this perfect voice, it was decadent and sexy enough to drive any soul crazy.
This couldn't be real, there was no way Mia was really here but I wanted, needed to enjoy this for just a little longer. So I didn't open my eyes.
" Mia"
She giggled. " Kaleb.. are you actually feeling better? Do you need anything?"
" Just you, I'm losing my mind"
" Welcome to the club, I'm a veteran here" she teased. " You'll be okay, you're stronger than you give yourself credit for "
" Do you really think so? I don't feel like I'm strong"
" I know you are" she urged softly. " You're incredibly strong and you're humble about it. That's one of the reasons I love you "
The back of my eyes burned as I ran my hand over the back of hers.
" I love you too Mia, I love you so much I"-
as I rolled over, I opened my eyes only to find the space beside me empty. As the feeling of heavy disappointment washed over I laid back on my back and stared up at the ceiling.
" I love you so much I'm imagining that you're here"
" And now I'm talking to myself out loud" shaking my head my hands lifted and I winced at the pain radiating from my left hand.
I kept it in a fist all night and dried blood practically crusted my hand closed. Forcing my hand open I grunted in pain as the wound reopened. Groggily I pulled myself up, climbed out of bed and headed into the bathroom. Lazily I cleaned, dressed and wrapped up the wound on my hand and then the one on my face. Then headed back into my bedroom at the sound of knocking at the bedroom door. Reluctantly I unlocked it and as I pulled it open I stared back at my brother's face. His expression was full of worry before he tried to offer a smile.
" What?"
" Hey, how are you feeling?"
" What do you care?"
" I just- I just wanted to know where your head is at"
Sighing I leaned against the door frame and shrugged. " I don't really know to be honest, at least I actually got some good sleep last night "
" That's what happens when you burn all of your energy" Dad stated as he headed down the hallway towards us. He was fully dressed in his usual dark tones, ironed to precision but with his demeanor colder than usual I knew I was in trouble. Ellis winced with a sheepish grin.
" Yeahh by the way, dad is here"
Sighing I stepped back, leaving the door open I walked away from it and sat down onto my bed.
Patiently I waited as Dad strode into my room his gaze slowly traveled around before landing on the cracked and broken wall. Then the broken pieces of my phone that lay scattered around the floor. Swiftly he grabbed ahold of my chin as he stared in my face. Without a word he sat down in my computer chair and Ellis leaned against the door frame.
" Well come on, let's hear how much of a fuck I am" I gestured for dad to just do it before laying back against the bed.
" That's not what I'm here for, I spoke to both Nicky and Ellis. Neither of them blame you for your actions even if they tethered on the extreme side. Dominic's actions had consequences, not even Monroe is upset about what happened"
" If I'm not in trouble then why-"
" You're a man now Kaleb you can't get in trouble with me anymore, we're past that" Dad propped his ankle on top of his knee as he slouched comfortably. " But I am very disappointed in you, what you did to Dominic is not something my son would do. Not only did I raise you better than that but you are better than that"
Closing my eyes I tried to shut out the loudness of my failure before it consumed me but it was already too late. I was drowning in it before dad even showed up but I didn't notice it until now.
" I lost control, I know-"
" Why?" His question was blunt and harsh as he cut me off
" What?"
" Why did you lose control, Kaleb?"
Frustratedly I shook my head as the familiar feeling of anger and impatience began to creep up again. "I don't know I"-
" No. Kaleb" he spat
" Am I going to be able to talk at all?"
" You are talking now and don't sit here and tell me you don't know what happened yesterday and I don't mean the fight with Dominic. I mean what happened with you.. people don't just go berserk, they don't lose control like you did for no reason. Now focus and think, why did you lose control?"
Staring at the ceiling the answer came to me immediately but I refused to say what it was. I was sure my dad already knew.
" It's because of Mia isn't it?"
" Every time I close my eyes I see her, I smell her skin and I can hear her voice in my head"
" That sounds like a fuckin curse" Ellis muttered uneasily
" It feels like a curse "
" You've got to move on bro"
" Don't push him Ellis" Dad urged.
" I know it hurts Kaleb, when you had Mia you felt like you had the whole planet by the balls but now you aren't together anymore you feel like the world's got you by the balls right? "
" Pretty much, I tried to have Angie as a distraction but once she betrayed me.. "
" It took you back to that day"
" It's like I'm in a big fuckin loop and I'm stuck"
" Just give it some time and I guarantee you'll start feeling better"
_______________________
4 days later
I've been avoiding Nick. Though I was tempted to spend time with Nick and a part of me feels guilty for blowing him off I knew how dangerous it would be. Nick had a certain kind of allure that made you not want to be his friend for very long. You wanted more and Nick already made it clear that he did not want to be my friend. He wanted much more than that and it was the safest choice to just pretend the hot and heavy moment just didn't happen. For the most part I've been doing better with the help of my dad and Bri when Michael's not around. The sadness still lingers and with every passing day I've been breathing a little easier.
Tonight was a night I've been dreading since getting the birthday party invitation from Jake Thao. Within a few days he changed the location from a known glamorous hotel to a underground lounge. Marco informed me that this particular lounge was owned by the Yakuza and Jake was being forced to have it here. It was supposedly for his safety and so that people who weren't invited couldn't intentionally crash the party. I unfortunately wasn't even getting the option to stay home.
Brianna was on a mission.
"This is a bad idea" I muttered tugging at the hem of my dress. I was sure the dress chosen for me was intentionally too small but then again so was Bri's. Mine was simple but incredibly sexy and revealing. It was a spaghetti strap, black leather bodycon dress that hugged my body and exposed my back. The neck line plunged just below my ribcage while the hem of the dress stopped only a few inches past my butt..
" It is not a bad idea, stop saying that" Bri pouted as she stood beside me and adjusted her breasts under her dress. It was a strapless gold beaded fringe dress that was as short as mine but meant for dancing. But I knew Bri well enough that, that's not what she bought it for, she wanted men to watch the beads dance around her frame when she walked in it.
" I feel naked"
" You're not, and besides you are a bad bitch" Bri spat in a matter of fact way clapping her hands together. As I tried not to smile she smirked knowingly pulling her hair over her shoulders.
" We are going to blow these niggas away, okay and"-
" More than one way if things get out of hand"
Pointing at me Bri smiled wide.
" That's what I'm talking about, that's who I want with me"
With a grin I looked over my reflection again and appreciated the way I looked. Gudens may have been hell but it made my body fantastic and the heels on my feet made it look even better.
" You feeling conceited yet?" Bri asked with a smile as she looked up from her phone.
Running a hand through my loosely curled hair I turned my body to get a look at the back and smiled at the pretty curve in my skin guiding the attention of those to the plump, roundness that sat behind me, filling out my dress. The suicide squats at Gudens were actually good for something.
" Definitely"
____________________________
The lounge was suave and decorated in dark romantic colors while the walls were lined with red trendy lights. Jake's face was printed onto massive canvas surrounded by balloons that spelt out his entire name. As everyone made their way to find Jake and to head to the main room a wave of uneasiness washed over me. Men that looked to be Jake's family were all dressed similarly, sporting symbolic tattoos and dark clothing. Everyone took notice of them but it felt as though I was the only one who was so on edge that my stomach was beginning to hurt. That was until I saw him and that undescribable feeling clawing at my insides suddenly made perfect sense.
As I looked on, the pain in my stomach grew more and more unbearable as if being encased in a vice filled with needles. His strong hands gripped her body and her arms wrapped around him in a heated embrace. His lips met hers with so much passion I felt myself begin to shake. Their tongues connected as if no one was in the room. And he didn't belong to me, but it hurt worse than when Nick cheated on me, it hurt worse than knowing who Dylan really is and it hurt worse than when Corey tried to take my life in a fit of rage.
He was mine
MINE
As I inhaled my hands shook so violently I had to hold them which only caused the pain in my chest to become so intense I couldn't breathe. Turning away I pushed through the crowd as my legs threatened to collapse beneath me with every step. Pushing through the door of the women's bathroom I brushed past several of those leaving the bathroom far too slowly. Trying to inhale my lungs wheezed as I gripped the sink staring back at my reflection. My whole body shook as the scene of the unknown girl and the love of my life wrapped around each other replayed in my mind just like a hateful taunt.
Hot tears flowed freely down my skin as my face contorted hideously and I began to sob loud.
I loved him..
More than anyone could love anything but he didn't want me..
I was falling apart..
My legs shook viciously and I was blinded by the mixture of make up and hot tears. Giving up my knees crashed hard against the tile floor as I sat down. Sliding myself to the far wall I held myself as my body refused to stop shaking and the air refused to enter my lungs. Tiny drops of blood peeked through the tiny cuts in my knee caps but I couldn't get myself to care. I had to fight the urge not to dig into my skin, to create new pain and cause the pain in my chest to lessen. This felt like a nightmare and I closed my eyes in a sad attempt to wake myself up. This just couldn't be happening but nothing changed and the cold multi colored tile floor beneath me reminded me of that.
This was real
This was really happening..
" You're okay" I whispered to myself as I felt myself beginning to rock back and forth. " You're okay, you're okay" my words became inaudible as my chest clenched painfully and another sob escaped.
I'm not okay
" Mia?" Bri's voice was filled with worry as the sound of her heels clicked against the tile floor. Hastily she crouched in front of me.
" What happened? What's wrong?"
The golden eye shadow above her eyes sparkled as she stared back at me but as she waited for an answer I couldn't find the words to say.
" Was it because of Kaleb?" She asked softly
Looking away from her all I could do was nod.
" Oh Mia"
Sitting beside me Bri pulled me into a tight hug, engulfing me with her sweet smelling perfume.
" Don't cry, you're too pretty to cry. Fuck him and that bitch, whatever her name is" she cooed brushing my hair out of my face.
" I love him Bri" I choked looking back at her as my body involuntarily shivered.
" What can I do?"
" Call my dad please"
Bri nodded and released her arm from around me. " I have to go get my phone I'll be right back" hastily she got up and headed to the door when it suddenly swung open almost hitting her in the face.
" Damn! Watch what the fuck you're doing! Idiot!"
" Ugh shut the fuck up, where's Mia?" Nick's deep voice barked echoing off the bathroom walls. Just as Bri tried to shoo him out of the bathroom Nick brushed past her. He was dressed to impress tonight with his thick chestnut brown combed back allowing the black diamonds in his ears to glitter. It was obvious that he hadn't been here long and sported a leather jacket with a thick fur collar, a thin gold chain glittered dangled from around his neck and settled at the top of his wide chest. The black turtle neck he wore underneath hugged his large, solid frame just enough to clear up any thoughts that he may be soft. Baggy mocha colored skinny jeans adorned his long legs. Snake skin loafers adorned his feet and the delicate shimmer of each scale matched perfectly with the gold chain draped across the top. But none of it seemed to matter right now.
Quickly Nick kneeled in front of me.
" What's going on baby?"
" Get out, I'm handling it" Bri spat impatiently. " I'm going to call Mr. Langley to come get her. She wants to go home"
Nick blatantly ignored her as he stared at me
" Do you want to wait for your dad? Or do you want me to take you home?"
Shakily I inhaled before answering. " I just want to go home"
Without a word he extended his hand for mine. Bri watched as I hesitated. Slowly I put my hand in his, my fingers gazed across the rings on his fingers just his hand curled around mine.
" Come on" he urged softly as he slowly stood back up straight, gently pulling me up with him. My legs shook viciously and Nick quickly wrapped an arm around me as he shrugged his jacket off.
" Hold onto me" he released me and my hands grabbed ahold of his shoulders as he draped his jacket around my mine. The soft fur tickled my skin as I was wrapped in Nick's signature scent of italian cashmere.
" I don't need that" my voice came out in a whisper.
" Yes you do, it's cold out"
" What about you?"
" My car has heat, I'll be fine"
Removing my hands from his shoulders, he slipped my arms into the sleeves. Without a word he grabbed ahold of me again and wrapped my arm around his neck then hooked my legs over his arm as he lifted me off the ground. I stared up at his handsome features as he carried me out of the bathroom. The crowds parted just like the red sea to let him through especially when they saw me in his arms.
" I need my phone"
" I'll get you a new phone" he reassured without missing a beat.
" Hey, Nick where are you doing? Alily is looking for you"
Nick's pace slowed at the sound of his voice. My heart thumped heavily. My chest began to tighten and my hands began to shake viciously. Nick's arms tightened around me as I leaned into him more, it was a pitiful attempt to hide. I could feel his eyes on me, those incredible blue eyes. It was taking all of my strength not to sob loud. I tucked in my lips and closed my eyes as tears streamed down my face.
" I'm leaving"
Kaleb hesitated and I couldn't help but wonder what was going through his mind.
" What do you want me to tell her?"
" What the fuck did I just say? I'm leaving that's all she needs to know"
____________________________
Yup a whole lot of nothing 🤣😭 it'll pick back up I swear, I've been sick on top of having a whole lot of mess going on but anyway let me know you think and I'll be back to update with something better asap 😘