IMAGINES |BTS|

Reflection

(Ghost AU; happy birthday to our beloved hyung

There's also four song references in this and if you know them, congrats, your taste is astronomical)

He would have aged well. Yes. Seokjin knew. He would've grown into a fine young man, would've craddled the sun in the palms of his dainty hands and gossamer clouds like a crown on his head. He'd lose the baby fat beneath his eyes and grow accustomed to sharper, more mature features. Much like Seokjin did.

But alas, staring at his distorted reflection in the lake, Seokjin realized he'd never get the chance to know what exactly Hoseok would've looked like had they aged together. Would he still have that heart smile? Or would it neutralize over time and turn into the same old basic curve everyone else seemed to have?

As clear as the water was the fact that Hoseok was special. He was. Everything about him was unique and amazing but unfortunately time stole him too soon. The dark night took him and the crash weighed down on Seokjin every single day, even after ten years.

His birthday was yesterday. With family he spent it. And after dinner he went to a party with his friends from work and they drank until the day retired. But when Seokjin got home, he laid in bed thinking the same thing he thought every birthday, every holiday, every moment that missed a specific shine. What if Hoseok was here?

I miss him.

Seokjin plucked a rock out of the damp soil and tossed it into the lake. Ripples formed. Glided over the surface of the sparkling water where moonlight danced and glimmered in wonder. Hoseok used to skip the stones. They kept track of his record: only three hops. It was quitet without his bubbly laugh that seemed to shake the leaves upon the trees. Silent and still save the cold breeze on Seokjin's back.

Wish you were here with me.

The tears Seokjin cried for Hoseok were enough to fill this large lake if it were to ever dry out. Enough to feed the flourishing greens of the grass and purples of the hyacinths. Might be a little salty but that salt was the heartwrenching sorrow Seokjin sobbed just about every day. One would assume, after ten years, he'd know to move on or at least try. But he still had nightmares of that night. The horn and the two mesmerizing bright lights that bled together not a moment too late. Like falling out of bed while deep asleep yet much worse. Or shaking and shivering in the crisp winter season but tenfolds. The groan of the car warping and concaving on the driver's side masked by the god awful screech of tires on asphalt. The air bag punching into Seokjin and nearly knocking him out, but not enough that he wasn't able to hear the ending of Born Sinner by J. Cole and James Fauntleroy from Hoseok's favorite playlist. It's was teasing, in a way, the choir in the background and the liveliness of their voices contradicting the very real fact that Hoseok's was already gone and Seokjin was hanging by a single thread.

Was he supposed to forget? Was he? It was impossible. He was suffocating in sadness and he didn't really know what to do. He's so lost. So distant from reality that he's surprised no one has really noticed and if they did they just didn't care enough to reach out and help him, save him from drowning on this emptiness flooding his lungs and god it was so painful. Is it supposed to hurt this much? Is everything supposed to feel like this? The sky so heavy and the ground so hallow, swallowing him hole. A pit of black misery.

Someday. Somehow. He'll make it right, but not right now. Hoseok would want him to. It's just that now, right now, every thought is something terrible, something negative, and if he tries to move on it'll get too overwhelming and he's afraid of that.

Seokjin's shoes have soaked through. Socks all soggy and toes like ice. This lake is something to him. It's where him and Hoseok spent a lot of time when they were just kids finding their way of life. It was their secret, their beauty to share. Now, blue looms over they grey water and it's not as pretty as it used to be, no, but it's one of the only things Seokjin has left of him.