For You

Chapter 77

You can come out Better or you can come out Bitter.

There's purpose in your pain.

Amrita's POV

For the past hour I have been waiting at the window of my room, which gave a full view of the our town street below, if I craned my neck far enough. I chose a particular spot so that I won't be visible to the onlookers, even though I can see them. Especially to someone called Ajay Singh Rathore.

And there he was, walking slowly and leisurely, as if he had no care in the world. Few passers-by greeted him and the smile on his face made my heart thud faster just like every time. I had to admit grudgingly that, even with that stupid beard, he was looking so handsome. OK, now I can survive another 10 months 24 days and 7 hours without seeing him. I took my phone out, zoomed it to max, and took a picture of him; adding it to the other hundreds I have taken secretly over the period of 5 years I have now been away from him. I felt ashamed of myself for doing this, as usual.

When will I ever get over him? A small true voice whispered in my ear "Never."

I can now hear the voices from ground floor, Vidya's chirpy voice and Baba's excited voice drowning the short replies coming from Ajay. It was his birthday, I knew. He was 26 years old, youngest ACP and winner of Governor's bravery award in the history of the state.

  I had a scrapbook full of every small thing that had ever been in the news about him, photographs, and newspaper clippings. I even knew where he lived, took photos of that place too, and just looked fondly at it, imagining him to be inside, sleeping or watching TV comfortably.

"Ammu!! Ammu!!! Come down. Ajay is here."

I could hear Baba calling me. I can't avoid meeting him any longer. I braced myself and walked downstairs. But what I wasn't prepared for was meeting him right at the end of stairs. Was he waiting for me to come down? No, I reminded myself, he hates me!! He hates me for breaking his heart so mercilessly and choosing Shyam over him.

I looked into his face, he didn't smile but his eyes automatically sparkled at the sight of me, and my heart jumped with joy. I wanted to scream and tell him how much I missed him, but looked away instead, at the happy faces of Baba and Vidya.

Unable to avoid it any further, I finally turned to him and wished him, in the most toneless voice I could muster.

"Happy Birthday Ajay!"

"Thanks Ammu!" He replied back awkwardly.

"Ajay, look what I got for you. Rayban Shades. You would look so cool wearing them and it will go well with your leather jacket. Isn't it?" Vidya Chirped happily, handing over the sunglasses to Ajay.

"Ajay Beta, this is from me. Whenever you find time, please read it." Baba presented him with a Hindi classics collection. Ajay bent down to touched his master's feet and sought his blessings.

Baba blessed him whole heartedly.

"Ammu didn't you buy any gift for Ajay?" Vidya asked me bluntly, as usual unaware of the tensions and awkwardness between us.

"There is absolutely no need to buy any gift Vidya. I am not a school kid. Ammu please relax." As Ajay walked away from me, I yearned to tell him how much I wanted to give him the gift I bought. But it remained in my suitcase unwrapped, just like the gifts I bought for his birthday every year. The luggage I carry is not my clothes or things anymore, but it was this burden. I am carrying the burden of gifts bought but not given, messages prepared but not sent, sleepless nights wanting to speak to him but not daring to. How could I explain this to anyone?