Step Into The Light (Poetry and Prose Journal)

Sweet (Parting?) Sorrow (Prose)

Your words bite like shrapnel to my heart. Though I know that you mean good to tell me about your trip- I honestly don’t care. Or perhaps it is worse that I do care and hope that I went terribly. Is that really so bad? Who am I to be held guilty for wishing that I could keep you to myself. Who Am I to guard you so jealously in my heart against even the thought of another person. But I suppose that red moment has come where you have found your own way and I must stand back and watch you go. 

The whole world will ultimately turn to dust and to be honest- I had sort of dreamt that through the end of it all, at the breaking of the dusk we would stand together and watch it. But I suppose that was never to be. I suppose I will have to be content to watch you walk out of my life as simply unexpected as you walked in. 

I miss those humble days when I could honestly tell you how I felt. I miss those moments of simple bliss when we both shared those words that mean nothing to two strangers, but to us, meant more than the world. 

Now when I talk to you it feels as if we both are strangers, brought about to the same table by some invisible force that brings us together to check in on one another. 

I suppose if I were a better man I would wish you to be happy, I would want you to walk off into the horizon in the arms of this invisible other, but I am not. I am jealous. Unless I missed something, that is the raw nature of love as well. The jealous heart is the raw form of passion itself. Love is a form a greed that consumes the heart and the soul and refuses to relinquish its grip at the sign of release from bondage.

So here I sit, still bound up in my heart while you have long ago strode free into the ever-after. Should I mourn you? Part of me wishes that I could, because one can only mourn for so long before the final grip is lost and the object of desire slips away out of the consciousness for good. 

Should I fight for you? That question becomes more appropriately, COULD I fight for you? The choice is ultimately out of my hands and in yours. This is not a battle that can be fought or a war that can be waged. All that I can do is sit back and watch to see what happens. I think the fact that I am completely out of control is what brings this to a boil for me.

I suppose that I can passively accept this. I suppose that I can try my best to simply walk away the better, to try to move on. But life is so short. Life is too short to simply walk away from the things that you love. There is only enough time to fight for what it is in the world you think you want. Everything else, everyone else is unimportant in the shadow of this grand battle. So here we go again. Here again beats my heart that you unknowingly tore out with your bombshell.

Life it short, and one must cut their losses when they realize that a battle cannot be won. Perhaps that is the case with yourself. Out there is a wide ocean, more vast than I can possibly imagine. All that I have to do is jump in. All that I have to do is let this white whale fade into the distance and set my sights for the next opportunity that comes in my direction. Life is all about seizing opportunities isn’t it? So why don’t I close my eyes, plug my nose, and dunk my head in the cold waters of my own thoughts. To start again and to start anew. To finally let go and walk into those placid waters. Something warns me that my heart will oppose me at this new turn, but then again, perhaps it is my heart that needs to be bridled.