sixty three

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I can actually say this book is ending soon I swear, sorry for dragging this on lol 😂

I am tired.

I try to close my eyes on the plane and sleep a bit, but I can't. My heart won't stop racing and I'm afraid I will soon have a stroke. Teenagers can have strokes right?

Alex stares out the window and I squeeze his hand and smile at him. He turns to me with tired eyes, his black, well almost black hair is poured down on his forehead.

His blue eyes look drained and the whites are no longer bright, instead they are white and covered by tiny veins.

"I'm really sorry." I say, not really knowing what to say.

I had never known what to say when someone died, because what exactly can you say that will remove the pain and bring a certain person back from the dead?

I wasn't sure Gabi was dead, but considering our school has three floors, and a high roof, being the pessimist I am, I don't think she'd survive.

"No, I'm sorry your trip was ruined." He says, wiping his face and squeezing my hand back.

"No, no it wasn't ruined, I had a great time, thank you for even bringing me. This is way more important." I say.

We are on a normal plane, but it isn't that full, and there are quite a number of empty seats. A pretty blonde air hostess brings us food, and Alex declines and tries to sleep.

I have decided not to think about anything Alex told me in car. I've decided to shut off my feelings and just not feel any emotion towards any more bad things that happen.

And so far, I'm doing pretty well.

"We land really soon." He whispers into my neck, and I feel his hair brushing against my collarbone and chin.

Although Gabi was my friend at some point that I can't seem to remember because of all the bad things that happened between us, I feel like I'm meant to be crying.

I don't want to be self centered and assume Gabi refused to continue life with us because I rejected her, which I really feel bad about and she had to watch Lane... take advantage of my drunken state.

I do begin to cry when I think about it a bit, and Alex is already asleep his head resting on my shoulder.

I pull a blanket that's in the seat pocket in the seat opposite his and tear apart the nylon wrapping and lay the blue cloth on his body.

I drop the magazine I got from the free stand at the airport back into my bag and decide to close my eyes, even though the sleep won't come.

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