thirty three

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My alarm goes off at five in the morning. Monday. It feels like it's been a week since I last went to school; since the dance, my mum, Gabi, finals, everything just seems to be forming a mountain on my plate.

I opened my eyes and the burning sensation from lack of sleep ran through them. I didn't bother putting on my lamp, so I just sat there, eyes wide open in the dark.

Today is the fifth of December.

I should have started Christmas shopping, but I guess it slipped my mind. I walk over to my window to pull up my blinds and the orange glow from the street lights form lines on my walls.

I decide to spend my time by continuing my History paper that was due in a few days.

When it's almost seven I go into the shower and spend an hour in there, drowning in my thoughts.

I don't talk to anyone during breakfast, not because of how tired I am, I was just emotionally drained. No matter how much concealer I dabbed under my eyes, the life in them still was absent, and even I could see it.

"Are you okay?" Lane asks as he drives me to school. My earphones are plugged in, which may be rude, but Lane and I had different music tastes.

I wasn't interested in listening to Future featuring Drake, I'd rather J Cole, which is why I was using my iPod while the radio was on.

"I'm okay, thanks," I force a weak smile. My resting bitch face probably makes me look like I'm ready to eat everyone but in my mind I see myself smiling, but I guess everyone else just sees me as Kanye West.

"You look tired, coffee?" Lane asks, squeezing my hand, with one hand on the steering wheel.

He's dressed dark blue jeans and maroon sweatshirt, and he's glowing compared to me.
I answer yes please, to his coffee offer and since we have thirty minutes to spare, we drive to the Starbucks that's right before our school.

I get a mix of hot chocolate and instant coffee, I don't know which type, but Lane helped me choose cause I asked him too and it tastes amazing. He doesn't get anything, and we just sit in the lot talking.

I don't know why but I tell him about my mum. I don't usually like to share information like this with my friends, but I feel I have a stronger connection to Lane, and I barely have anything to tell.

"You'll be okay Lola, she'll be okay," He brushes his thumb over my lips and kisses them. I smile and only hope my mum would be okay.

A familiar jeep drives into the drive-thru and well, Gabi.

Gabi gets a drink and something in a small bag, probably a cupcake or something.

I squint my eyes as I watch her drive by after paying. I feel bad that I'd feel awkward around her, seeing as there's nothing wrong with being gay. I just wasn't for it but I wasn't against it.

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