my best friend....//Trinity Rodman

Chapter 49

**TW: Mentions of su*cide/self harm** 

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Katie's POV

I took the car and just drove, drove to the bridge where Trinity and I went. 

It was so beautiful. It overlooks a beautiful ocean, and I felt happier than I ever had when I was there.

But after a minute of sitting alone, thinking about everything that's happened, I started crying. 

It all came rushing back. Running away the night before my wedding and showing up barely 2 hours before it starts, being more in love with my maid of honor than my fiancee, and then leaving him at the altar. 

He didn't deserve that. He doesn't deserve me. 

I'm a waste. I'm not worth anything. Leaving a guy like that? What kind of monster am I? 

After some time, I have no idea how long, I just looked over the edge. 

I could just end the feeling inside me, I could get rid of this terribly guilt. All of my problems would go away. 

But if I jumped, I'd ruin the life of my unborn baby. 

I'd ruin the life of Trinity and Devon. The two who meant every single ounce of the world to me. I'd ruin them, they'd be in more pain than I am in now. 

But I could just avoid all of the pain. 

For some time, I kicked around all of those factors. 

I heard another car pull up behind me, so I really couldn't do it now. 

I started to walk to my rental car, my head down. 

Then I couldn't handle it anymore. 

I swear I heard Trinity say my name, but I'm just hearing things. I'm hearing doubt. 

I heard it again. I think I'm going crazy. 

And again, and again. 

I turned, pushed past something in my way, and made a run for the edge, I couldn't do it anymore. 

My life flashed before my eyes. 

Everything. 

My childhood friends, my childhood soccer teams, watching Carli Lloyd score her iconic half field goal to complete her hat trick in the 2015 World Cup with Kennedy, getting kicked out, working every single day for excessive hours, meeting Trinity for the first time, signing my first contract, getting my first USWNT call up, finding out I was pregnant, seeing Ashley open my gift on Christmas, looking at Dev before my wedding, and then hugging Trin one last time before she walked down the isle. 

I felt the last one so much that I thought she was really hugging me. 

Then I realized I was being held back, unable to move. 

"Katie. Katie. It's okay." I struggled to get out of whoever's grasp it was, but I couldn't. 

"I just can't!" I sobbed, starting to give up slightly. 

"You don't have to." 

I stopped, then continued to struggle. 

"I got you, Katie. Everything's gonna be okay. I'm here. Trinny's here. I'm always here." 

I gave up and just sunk into her arms. 

I was finally more aware of what was going on.