Chapter115:Journal Thoughts Part Two

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Only four chapters left...🙃

You know I never thought I would make it to 2012 since I had a lot of shit going on in my life.

I just never excepted to go like this but that how it is.  But anyway I have been going to therapy for the past two weeks and probably stop going since it ain't helping me at all.

As I am writing in this journal, I wanted to express my feelings that I keep hiding to myself well I am not gonna do that because it will never happen.

I mean do I expect it to happen well I don't and I am not surprised if anyone try to force it out of me.

The love I have for Maddie is crazy well our relationship is toxic really super toxic but we never hit each other and you know my mom raised me well.

Back in November, I proposed to her an she said no but I guess it was a sign that our relationship was never working out and should just end it forever.

Well it never ended up but hopefully it does because the last time I tried to break up with her, it lead to sex and to be honest I really got to stop thinking with my dick.

Anyway  my family is great and the connection I have with them is really great  because I would be lost without them and they always been there for me.

All I want to do right now is take this stupid pressure of me and focus on my dreams, also live my life happy which I can see happening.

I hope so though.........

I am done writing in this journal and maybe I will write in it again because I feel like I have a lot of things that I want to say that I keep hiding to myself which ain't healthy.

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