Forever Is Real - Sirius Black x Reader

56 - A Funeral and a Birthday

Y/n's funeral is a dark day. We had to set up a bunch of protection spells around the graveyard just to make it possible. 

Before the funeral I drop Leo and Rosalie off at the Potter's house, not wanting them to be here for this. 

I dress up nicely, frowning as I struggle to tie the tie. 
I begin thinking about how if Y/n was here she'd laugh amusedly before coming over and tying it herself, probably making some comment about how I wore a tie almost every day for seven years yet I cant tie one.
I begin silently crying as I chuck the tie on my bed, deciding against wearing it. 

James walks into the room. 

"Mate, it's time to go." He says softly. 

"I cant." I mumble, sitting down on my bed, my head in my hands as I cry. James sits down beside me, gently placing his hand on my back. 

"I know this completely sucks, and I cant imagine how difficult this is for you, but I'm here for you," He says. "You need to go, it'll give you the closure you need." 

"We don't even have any proof that she's dead," I mumble. "I mean, what if she's still alive? Maybe we should wait a while."
James quietly sighs before pulling me in for a hug. I rest my head on his shoulder. 
"I miss her." 

"I know you do," He says. "And life will just have to completely suck for a while, but I'm always here for you. Y/n wouldn't want you to just spend all your time mourning her, she'd want you to live your life."
I nod my head slightly, lifting my head from his shoulder.
"C'mon, lets go." 

The funeral is a blur, the day goes by and I'm not mentally present for any of it. I cry so much. 
It's honestly the worst day of my life. 

I still cant believe she's gone. 

This fucking hurts so much, I would do anything to get her back. 

~*~*~

I toss and turn all through the night, unable to sleep without Y/n beside me. I'd give anything to hug her again, hug her tight and never let go. 

I eventually just give up on sleep and head downstairs to make myself some coffee, hoping it'll give me at least a little bit of energy - though it probably wont. 

Soon the kids wake up and I make them breakfast. 
After we all eat we sit in the living room, the tv playing some stupid cartoon that Leo and Rosalie watch intently. 
I watch amusedly as Rosalie's hair changes colour to match whatever character is on the screen. 

I frown slightly when I hear a knock on the door. 
I grab my wand before going to answer it. I open the door a crack. 

"It's me." Remus says. 

"Prove it," I respond. Recently I've been a lot more cautious when it comes to things like this, I cant risk anything happening to my kids. "Tell me something only you'd know." 

He thinks for a moment. 
"The first time you told Y/n you love her was on your birthday, you were drunk as hell and had no clue what you were saying, I was sitting on my bed reading a book and heard all of it."

I open the door for him, letting him in. 

"Uncle Moony!" Leo exclaims happily, running over. Remus smiles, lifting Leo up. 

"So, what brings you here?" I ask as we go sit down on the couch, Dog jumping up beside Remus. 

"I-" He sighs, a frown on his face, he refuses to look at me. "I've been having a hard time keeping a job lately, so I haven't been able to pay my bills. I was wondering if I could stay here for a little while, just for a couple weeks, I'll find another job as soon as possible, and I could give you money for food and stuff, and-"