Personal Body Guard - (Shawn Mendes)

80

"Hold fast hope
All your love is all I've ever known
Hold fast hope
All your love is all I've ever known"

-

*Shawn's Point Of View*

"You have one hour to pack all of your things" the guard said swinging the door open. I literally had a fucking guard watching my every move. Now I know why Emily hated the idea of it so much at the start.

Emily. God I missed her so much.

Her face when she begged me not to leave broke my heart. What was even worse was not even getting to properly say goodbye to her.

Now here I was. Standing in what used to be our apartment, about to pack up all my things and relocate.

I guess I was somewhat lucky that I wasn't behind bars right now. I don't know if it was going to be better knowing that Emily was so close but so far out of my reach.

I walked into the apartment seeing the pizza box we ate that night sitting on the kitchen counter. I took in a shaky breath as I made my way down the hallway.

I so desperately wanted to knock on her door and for her to answer it. Just to see her beautiful smile and hold her close to me one last time.

But she wasn't there.

My door was left open ajar as I took a step into the room. The bed was unmade just how we left it. Only now there was a thin piece of paper filled completely with words.

I picked it up, my eyes recognising the familiar handwriting.

She left me a note;

Dear Shawn,

Where do I even begin? You have turned my life completely around ever since you walked into it. At first it was complicated and challenging. I was convinced you hated me and for some reason I was still intrigued by you. You had this sense of mystery that I needed to explore.
I can happily say the last few months have been the best months of my life. I finally had that one reason to get up in the morning. That one reason that put a smile on my face and gave me motivation. You were that reason. You are my reason.
I think we both deep down knew this was going to happen. And this quite possibly could be the last thing I could ever say to you. And that fucking breaks my heart. And if it is then I need you to know that I will forever cherish these few months with you. Every single moment.
I will never forget everything we did together. Remember when we first met and I thought you stole my iced coffee. Or when we first kissed when we were watching the basketball. How about when we first made love in that fancy ass hotel you bought for the night. You made me feel so special. Like a princess and you were my prince. Or how about when we both promised each other the world that night on that terrace. Who knew we were so deep and sadly in over our heads.
I've never felt this way about anyone in my entire life before. In the beginning it was scary. No. Terrifying. But as more time went on the more and more in love I grew to be with you. I am and will forever love you Shawn Peter Raul Mendes.
If I never see you again, I want you to know that I will always love you. No matter what. As much as I want you to stay in Los Angeles and find some way back to me we both know that my dad will not let that happen. And I want you to be happy.
Even if that means your on the other side of the country.
I want you to go back to Toronto. Be with your family because I know they made you as happy, probably more happy than I could.
Be with Aaliyah.
Talk to her about that damn boy she's been crushing on.
Be with your mom.
Watch the real housewives of New York with her because she is bloody obsessed with it.
Be with your dad.
Catch up on all those heart to heart talks that only a father and son could ever have.
I want you to follow your dreams and put those amazing guitar skills and voice to use.
Maybe even become the next 'king of pop' and then at least I'll able to see you through a screen. Who knows maybe I'll run into the famous Shawn Mendes one day?
There's so many things I want to tell you and express to you but I could genuinely go on for hours and hour.
I'm going to miss you so much Shawn and I will never ever forget you because you were the best damn thing that ever happened to me.

I love you Shawn. Forever and always.

Love Emily x

I felt a tear slide down my cheek, landing right down on the thin sheet of paper. I harshly wiped my thumb across my cheek feeling incredibly... broken.

I held the paper close to my chest as my body racked with sobs.

I felt like my whole chest was on fire, my heart being the main source. Nothing could compare to the immense pain and heartbreak I felt right now.

I wiped my tears and stood up. I opened my closet door, grabbing a random duffel bag before shoving all of my clothes into it making sure to leave a plain black t-shirt hanging on the hanger.

I reached for my cologne bottle, spraying sprits all over the tee. She was always obsessed with wearing my shirts. If it was after we made love or after a shower.

I folded the note and slid it into my pocket as I threw my duffle bag over my shoulder, taking one last glance around my room.

I walked out, shutting my door behind me before placing my hand on her doorknob. I took in a deep breath before pushing the door open, getting hit with her familiar vanilla scent.

Fuck. This was the hardest thing I've ever done.

I placed the thin piece of paper on her desk, straight in the middle on top of her laptop.

I quickly made my way out of her room, shutting the door behind me, before I broke down.

I walk down the halls remembering all of the times I kissed her against the walls here. Walking past the kitchen, memories flooded my mind of the time she'd tried to make breakfast for me one morning but collapsed.

I stood in the doorway before taking a last glance into the apartment, my eyes landing on the living room.

Where we shared our first kiss;

She jumped onto the couch throwing the pillow to the ground. "Ha! You are so going down bud-" she yelled beginning to chant but she was interrupted by myself.

I pulled her outstretched arms down as her body clashed against mine. I quickly placed my hand on her cheek before pressing my lips softly to hers. She immediately kissed back wrapping her arms around my neck pulling me closer if any possible.

I pushed her hair behind her ear, running my tongue along her bottom lip begging for entrance. She gladly accepted, smiling through the kiss.

God she was so cute pretending to understand what was happening when we watched basketball.

I took one last look around the apartment before letting out a shaky exhale.

So this is it?

I always knew leaving this place one day would be difficult. It was where it all started. Our first kiss. Our first fight. But I always thought I'd be leaving with her by my side.

I was leaving my home. And she was my home.

-

A/N: I'm a wreck.