Personal Body Guard - (Shawn Mendes)

79

"Love is an echo"

-

*Emily's Point Of View*

I think the hardest part of losing someone isn't having to say goodbye, but rather learning to live without them. Trying to fill the void, the emptiness that's left inside your heart when they go.

It's doing everyday tasks again after they've left. It's making breakfast for the first time because they always used to or putting your carry on luggage up yourself because they always used to.

It's seeing simple things that remind you of them. Every fucking thing reminds you of them. The stool they used to sit on. The bacon brand they used to buy every morning. The window sit where he always would sit.

I stared out the window beginning to get jealous of the clouds kissing the sun. Everything had a companion. The sun had the clouds. The water had the land. But what did I have? Who was my companion now that Shawn was gone?

The plane shook as we just landed in Washington, reminding me of how Shawn would always squeeze my hand tightly as the plane touched the ground. I looked down at my hand seeing it was cold and nothing was there. I was so used to the feeling of Shawn's hand being there, it felt weird without it.

I grabbed my bag, throwing it over my shoulder as I trudged down the midway of the plane before walking down the steps and onto the path and into the car my parents had provided for me to get home.

I got in the back seat, too upset to even smile back at Ron or ask him how his day was like usual. Everything felt foreign to me now.

I glanced down at my phone for the hundredth time hoping to see any notification from Shawn. Anything to know that he was okay. How he was feeling.

I sighed before tossing my phone in my bag and looking out at the window as the houses got larger and fancied the closer and closer we got to home.

"Here you are Emily" I heard Ron say as we came to a halt meaning we had arrived.

"Thanks Ron" I said nodding my head at him before exiting the car. The cool wind hitting my skin making me drop my bag and rummage through it, pulling out Shawn's hoodie he always wore. I pulled it over my body as it fell just above my upper thigh.

I walked up the driveway, through the gates and up to the front door. There were guards almost everywhere. I opened the door to reveal my parents sitting at the dining table.

I scoffed. I knew they'd try pull some intervention shit on me.

I shut the door behind me as I tried to make my way upstairs without speaking to any of them, specifically my dad.

"Emily come here now" I heard him say. I ignored him as I kept walking up the stairs. I heard his chair scratch against the floor making my walk turn into a run as I desperately tried to get to my room and lock the door before he could get there.

I successfully got to my room, my dad got on my tail as I slammed the door shot. I dropped my bag before turning around to lock it, only for my dad to push the door open.

"Get out!" I yelled pushing all my body weight against it to shut the door.

"Let me in Emily" I heard him say.

"Get. Out!" I yelled beginning to feel my nose get runny and my eyes blur from the tears coating my eyes.

He managed to push the door open and slam it behind him, blocking me from any way out of this conversation.

"What?" I spat at him crossing my arms over my chest.

"Emily. I am your father. Treat me with some respect" he scolded me. I looked at him in bewilderment.

"Father? Are you kidding me!" I exclaimed.

"You may have helped make me but you are no father" I spat making him frown.

"Your being very dramatic about this whole situation" he said rolling his eyes.

"I'm not some politician you can tell me what to do and what to feel. I'm supposed to be your daughter!" I yelled at him.

"You are my daughter-" he began but I cut him off.

"Then treat me like it! You have treated me like nothing ever since I left for Los Angeles! You make me go back to school straight after what happened to me! You don't even thank me at the ball and now you take the one thing that makes me happy. That gives me motivation to wake up in the morning. And you take it away" I yelled my anger diminishing into sadness as a tear began to roll down my cheeks.

I quickly wiped it away, not wanting to look weak in front of him. He looked at me with... remorse?

"I love him dad... I've never ever felt this way for someone before. He made me happy. So fucking happy you don't even understand. He was the reason I actually went to classes. He was the reason I was smiling after the shooting, after ending up in the hospital. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We promised each other we would" I said holding up my hand to show him the shiny diamond ring on my finger.

"What about Jake?" He said frowning as I looked at him in disbelief.

"Oh Jake! Ahh the boyfriend you so desperately wanted me to get back together with" I said sarcastically beginning to throw my hands around wildly.

"The perfect boyfriend! That's what you said right?" I said my eyes getting glossier and glossier by the minute.

He looked at me confused, his arms still crossed over his chest.

"That perfect boyfriend you loved so much beat your daughter to a pulp ever single day. He raped me weekly and you never knew about it" I spat harshly at him.

His face dropped and all of the colour rushed down his face.

"Yeah, what a perfect boyfriend" I spat at him as his arms dropped to his side.

"Em- I-I-" he tried to speak but I cut him off.

"Don't" I said putting my hand up between our faces.

"Just please... leave me alone" I begged, a tear trickling down my cheek.

He let out a shaky breath before hesitantly nodding.

He walked out, shutting the door softly. I locked the door quickly before letting out a breath of air that I didn't realise I had been holding until now.

My back pressed up against the door as I slowly slid down it.

A whimper left my mouth before my body shook with sobs.

I miss him.

I need him.

-

A/N: this is actually so fucking sad I cannot hold my tears any longer