Yours

October 17th

Dear Sophia,

I love you. Today was such a mess. I’m trying not to worry about it too much. I’m hoping it’s all sorted now. It shouldn’t ever happen again. I’ve taken care of it.

When I woke up my back was really tense and weird. I think my body knew it was going to be a stressful day. I only realised it was Wednesday when I was already at Starbucks.

I had to be at the job centre at twelve again. I left it as late as I could to get there. I asked if they were running late. They said they weren’t. There were loads of people sitting down waiting though and I knew they couldn’t all have appointments booked for the same time.

I took my watch off and put it in my pocket so I wouldn’t be looking at my wrist the whole time. It just meant I kept thinking ages had passed so I kept having to reach into my pocket to check the time. It felt stupid. I think I’d already made my mind up really.

When I finally got called it was the same man I saw last time. I told him before he could start with his stupid questions. I told him I couldn’t come in anymore. He thought I was saying I’d found a job. I told him I just wanted to stop signing on and it didn’t matter why I didn’t want to come in anymore.

I realised he might have thought I was making money some illegal way if I didn’t need my benefits anymore. Then I thought that those sorts of people are probably happy to claim their benefits on top of their other income anyway. He probably knew I was too honourable for anything like that. I just had to fill in a couple of forms and then I was done.

It feels great knowing I never have to go back there again. It’s the worst feeling when you’re tied to something you really hate. It’s just a horrible place. It’s useless. They had nothing useful to offer.

They’re just happy to get names off the system anyway. They’re told to get people off the system. They have quotas they have to fill. They don’t care whether people stop coming in because they’ve found a job or not. They don’t care whether people can eat or not. They just care about cutting down the numbers of people coming in. The how or why doesn’t matter to them. It’s a stupid system really.

I don’t understand how there can’t be any jobs at the moment. If people in the world still need stuff I don’t get how there can’t be jobs for people supplying what it is everyone needs. People out there are starving. That must mean there’s not enough food in the world. So people without jobs could start making food for the people that don’t have any food. I don’t know about the economy or anything like that but I know what seems right and at the moment things seem really unfair.

Money isn’t even something real. It’s stupid how important it is. It’s just a bit of paper or some numbers on a screen. It’s just sums. It only matters if you know somebody else out there wants it too. If you had a billion pounds but nobody wanted to sell anything it would be no good.

I’ve been saving most of the money that was left to me. I never felt excited or lucky to have it. I never wanted a car or a holiday or any of those things people say they’d get if they won on a scratchcard or something. It’s just there. It just means I’ve not had to worry about working for a while. That doesn’t mean much. Whether you’re getting up and going to work or getting up and not going to work doesn’t seem much different to me.

You’re what I wanted all along. I just never knew. Everything changed when I met you. Everything clicked in my head when I was sitting there waiting to tell them I wasn’t coming in anymore. I know I need to provide to be a good husband. I will have to. I’ll have to work at some point. If you want time off work to be with the kids then I’ll definitely have to work then. I can’t have you ashamed of having a husband signing on though. I won’t allow that. I have to be a strong role model for our family. That’s why I made the decision not to go there anymore. I’m doing what I know is right.

The best benefit now is I get to see you more. The appointment times never changed really. Every couple of weeks on Wednesday at twelve I’d have to go in. That’s how it’s always been. We both know I was never going to get out and back to see you by half twelve.

Weekends already mean we are only together for ten days out of every fourteen. If I had to have every other Wednesday at the job centre that would be nine out of every fourteen days. That doesn’t sound right to me at all. That’s why I’m so glad I did this.

It’s changed now. I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I’m committed to you and I feel so lucky about having you. Tomorrow we’ll be together and nothing can get in the way.

I love you.

Yours,

Andrew