Yours

October 9th

Sophia.

I love you.

Sophia Sophia Sophia. I love you Sophia. Sophia I love you. I’ve been saying your name to myself all day. It feels right in my mouth. It looks right written down. Sophia Sophia Sophia Sophia. I won’t be lonely again Sophia. Andrew and Sophia. Sophia and Andrew. My brain is full of your name. Sophia Sophia Sophia.

I hope you weren’t too annoyed when you had to wait today Sophia. You looked a bit restless when you were waiting. There was a queue pretty much all morning. It wasn’t just your bad luck. It never faded. I’m not really sure why.

I have to admit I was kind of pleased the queue wasn’t dying down once it got to lunch time. I knew it meant I might get a bit longer with you. When you came in and looked a bit stressed I felt really guilty for feeling happy about it though. It was selfish of me. I hope work wasn’t too bad today. It looked like it was getting to you a bit. I could see you just wanted your drink quickly. If I could have got the queue to move faster I would have.

I’m used to watching people standing in the queue huffing and getting annoyed. They hardly ever leave though. They just stand there getting irritated and then they start huffing. You can see their whole body inflate and deflate. A couple of times you pulled out your phone and kind of shifted your body around to stand in different ways. I do that too when I’m waiting for something.

When you got to the front I actually felt relieved for you even though it meant you’d be leaving soon.

I think the people who work in Starbucks are called baristas. I’d heard the word lots but it took me a while to put together that it meant those people working there. Half the time they barely speak properly so I’m not sure they deserve a proper title like that.

One time they managed to get my name and my drink wrong. They got every part of my order wrong. I was waiting for my drink and they called out some girls name instead of mine. When I took a sip of it it wasn’t what I’d ordered either. I’d been waiting for so long that I just took the drink and left with it. It was so stupid. I couldn’t believe it.

I saw your barista say something to you. Even though I could only see the back of your head I could tell you huffed. I wasn’t surprised. They’re never polite. I guess he told you it would be a couple of minutes until your drink was ready. You moved out the way and leaned back against the wall along from me. I’d never noticed how perfect your profile was before. I don’t know why it surprised me but it did. I’ve never really looked at someone from the side properly before. You just look perfect from every angle I guess. I felt a bit guilty looking at you though. I felt like it was my fault you were waiting around. I’d been secretly hoping you might get held up by the queue and then it happened.

Then something else happened. Something I hadn’t even hoped for. Sophia. I heard the sound but hadn’t really taken it in. There’s so much noise in there sometimes that you have to pick and choose what you pay attention to. I was too focussed on watching you to pay attention to what everyone else was saying. Then I heard it again. Sophia. I saw your head lift up and you walked over to the counter. You picked up the drink and headed out the door looking beautiful from behind too.

I saw a man outside smile at you as you got to him. He made that expression people make when they’re pretending they’ve been waiting for ages. He sort of tapped his wrist and smiled at you. He seemed quite friendly with it at least. You didn’t try to avoid him so he probably wasn’t being too rude. It’s nice that you’re friendly with the people at the office. You have to make sure you get the respect you deserve though.

I hadn’t really thought about this until now. I hope you didn’t let him get away with complaining about you taking a while. It wasn’t your fault at all. I hope he knows that. You can’t let people complain about things that aren’t your fault Sophia.

I was still so happy even when you’d gone. Sophia. Sophia. Sophia. It’s such a beautiful name. Of course it is. I don’t know if I’ve ever enjoyed saying something as much. It makes my heart go. Sophia. Sophia. It’s so perfect and so you. I think there’s an actress called Sophia Loren but I know whoever she is she’s no competition for you.

There was a girl I went to school with too. She was awful. She thought she was better than everyone else even though she definitely wasn’t.

When I was six or seven I’d get invited to birthday parties of other kids at school. My mum said I should have one too and invite the kids in my class. She made these paper invitations for me to give out at lunch-time. I had one for everyone. I even gave one to the teacher. I remember it really well because I was really nervous about having to go up to everyone to give them something.

When I gave this girl hers she hardly looked at it. On her way into the classroom at the end of lunch she said really loudly that she wouldn’t be needing it and screwed it up and threw it in the bin. All the other girls laughed and did the same thing. It was horrible. She was horrible.

The more I think about it the more I’m sure her name was Sophie. It must’ve been. I’m sure it was. Sophie. Not Sophia. She had none of your class. She couldn’t have pulled off Sophia. I think she used to get people to call her Soph. That just sounds awful. She was awful. She was nothing like you. Nobody is like you Sophia.

Sophia.

I love you.

Yours,

Andrew