Yours

November 13th

Dear Sophia,

I love you. I know it might be hard to believe that today but I really do. It’s the only thing I’ve ever been certain of. I love you. I don’t ever want to let you down. It really makes me wonder if I’m who I think I am when I let things like today happen.

I was just so tired. That’s it Sophia. I know it’s not an excuse but it’s the truth. I was up all night because I missed you so much. If I wasn’t so angry at myself it’d be almost funny. I missed you so much I ended up being up all night. I must’ve fallen asleep early this morning and slept through until this afternoon. I was up so late because I was thinking about you. I just wanted to be with you. Now it’s made me miss seeing you when I needed you most.

I got up and got straight in the shower to try and wake myself up. I wanted to feel clean and awake for seeing you. This time of year it’s never that bright out so it kind of looks like a dull morning all through the day. I had no idea what the time was. It wasn’t until I got out of the shower that I saw the time. I put on the first clothes I could find and ran into town. I knew I was late but I still wanted to try. That’s how much I wanted to see you. I hope you believe me. It was nearly two o’clock when I left. I couldn’t believe it.

It wasn’t busy when I got to Starbucks. The lunch time rush was over. I checked every face in there four or five times just to make sure you weren’t hanging around waiting for me. I knew I’d missed you but I still wanted to make sure. I sat down and stayed there for a couple of hours just in case. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was so angry. I’m still angry. Angry at myself.

I’ve decided the only responsible thing I can do is learn from my mistake and hope you can forgive me. I can only make sure this will never happen again.

I always thought alarm clocks were for really lazy people. The sorts of people who need to be told where to go and when to go there. I didn’t really think they could be useful and stop terrible things happening. I guess when I was a kid my mum used to make sure I was up in time for school so I never needed one. You always see alarm clocks used in movies and on T.V. They show someone being lazy by rolling over in bed and hitting the clock to turn it off.

Some of the nice old looking alarm clocks are really expensive. I guess people are willing to pay more for things that look older. I’m not sure why. A digital one seems better to me anyway. The numbers are bright so I’ll be able to see them in the dark. And it has different numbers for the morning and the evening so I’ll never get confused about which six o’clock it is. I bought one on my way home and set it up next to the bed. I tested it a few times by setting the alarm for a few minutes away. It does work. I wanted to be sure. I have to be sure this doesn’t happen again.

I’ve set it for early tomorrow morning. I’ll be there no matter how little sleep I get tonight. I’m hoping the stress of today might tire me out a bit but I’m too angry at myself to be able to sleep anytime soon.

I love you Sophia. I really do.

Yours,

Andrew