Yours

January 28th

Dear Sophia,

I love you. We need to sort some things out I think. Remember that I love you first.

I was convinced I’d been up all night. I was sweating so much and blowing my nose every two minutes. I do remember waking up though so I must’ve fallen asleep at some point. My eyes felt kind of gunky and my nose was so dry it hurt to move my face. I splashed lots of water on my face which kind of helped for a minute or two. Then when it dried it seemed to hurt even more.

I just needed to get into town. I saw your name on the calendar and that calmed me down. I managed to get to Starbucks quite early. My head was spinning from the walk. I slumped in the chair. I felt kind of numb and spaced out. My head felt heavy. I wasn’t paying attention to anything that was happening. I was just waiting for you.

You looked wonderful when you came in. You looked happy and healthy. I watched you every second you were in there and you didn’t blow your nose or touch your throat or anything. I was so relieved you didn’t look ill. I couldn’t really move so I just watched to make sure you were ok. I’m sorry I looked so awful. I really wasn’t with it today. I just wanted to make sure you were ok.

When I walked home I felt so much better. You looked so beautiful it made everything go away. I forgot I was ill. My head was all blocked but I wasn’t paying any attention to it. I was just replaying seeing you over and over to think of anything you might’ve done that meant you’d been ill. I couldn’t think of anything. You were perfect.

I’m really relieved you’re ok.

That doesn’t mean it’s ok to treat me like this though. If you’d been ill maybe that would’ve been ok. If you were really ill I mean. If you couldn’t move. Then it would be fine to not be there when I need you. You wouldn’t be able to help it. But now I know you weren’t ill. I’m not saying I’d have preferred it if you were ill. Of course I wouldn’t. I just mean that now I know you weren’t ill it makes me wonder how you could treat me like that.

I think we both need to be clear on certain things in our relationship. We can’t let something like this get out of hand. We owe it to each other and to ourselves to never give each other a reason to have to worry about anything.

Here are some things I think we should stick to. We must tell each other if we’re not going to be somewhere we’re expected to be. We must tell each other where we expect to be and put it on the calendar so we know when we’re not going to be together. We must look after each other when we’re ill.

I think I’m on the mend now. I can concentrate at least. I’ve struggled a bit the last couple of days. I still think some of my energy is coming from the worry though. I need to know things like this aren’t going to happen. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I’m feeling terrible when I’ve not seen you as much. We can’t let this happen again.

I love you.

Yours,

Andrew