Yours

October 25th

Dear Sophia,

I love you. I never thought love could be scary but now I understand more. The amount you love having something is the same amount of pain you’d feel if it was taken away. I can’t imagine it. I’m lucky knowing I don’t have to worry about you being taken away from me. I wouldn’t be able to take it.

I guess by now you’ll know they found a body. The police did that thing where they confirm it’s a young girl and the place they found it but don’t say the name. I guess they can’t say for sure until they do tests or something but everyone knows it’s Catherine. There’s no other reason her dad would be under arrest now. I guess they can’t admit it to the papers until all her family has been told and questioned or something like that. They can’t let people involved find out through the news. They must all know by now though.

The front page of every paper had a picture of the river next to that same picture of her smiling somewhere. I can’t get my head round it. A kid losing a mum isn’t the same thing. That’s the normal order. A parent should never see their kid die. That’s the wrong order. I know we’ll do everything we can to protect our children. We have to raise them to look after themselves so that nothing bad ever happens to them. We can’t let something like this ever happen.

The idea that he did it is what scares me most though. I don’t know why people bother having kids if they can’t deal with it. There are too many people in the world anyway. Don’t have kids for the sake of it. People should have to pass tests so only rock solid couples like us are allowed to have kids. There’s not anything that could happen that would make us harm our kids. And to just dump the body of your own kid in a river. I can’t understand it. I can’t get my head round it. Imagine how emotionless you’d have to be to do something like that. To see your own kid as a lump of meat to just throw away. It makes me so sad. Think of all the things Catherine never got to do.

I have to admit I was a tiny bit relieved they arrested her dad for it. Obviously it’s good because it’s justice if he did it and he deserves to get arrested anyway. But what I’m really relieved about is that it wasn’t some unrelated maniac out there just doing things like that at random. I’m glad it wasn’t some man nobody knows about that is still out there now watching people. I can rest a little easier knowing he isn’t out there.

It’s reassuring in a way to think the biggest threat comes from inside the home. We can trust each other and so that means we’ve ruled out the biggest danger most people face. If there was a guy they couldn’t catch out there who was snapping up girls at random and dumping them in rivers I don’t think I’d ever be able to leave you on your own. Every time you weren’t somewhere I expected you to be I’d assume the worst had happened. I guess in a way I kind of already do. That’s the hardest part about love I suppose. It’s caring more about something than anything else in the world. It’s scary but it’s worth it.

At least I know you’re not at risk from this guy. That was my biggest concern. If only someone had loved Catherine the way I loved you. Then maybe she’d be ok too.

I love you.

Yours,

Andrew