Yours

October 2nd

I love you.

I have the oddest feeling I carry with me now. I’ve never had something that I worried about not having before. When you have something completely wonderful sometimes all you can think about is how bad it would be if you didn’t have it.

I get carried through the morning by the fact that I’m going to see you later in the day. Then the boost I get when I see you gets me through the evening until I fall asleep and it all starts over again.

You came in and left so quickly today that if I’d got up to go to the toilet or something I would’ve missed you. That’s fine obviously. That’s not your fault. You looked in a hurry and I’d hate you to get in trouble at work because of me. It did get me thinking though. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t get to see you when I needed you. I’d lose so much energy. Worrying about you at the weekend before I realised it was Saturday felt bad enough. If I sat all day expecting you and didn’t know why you hadn’t come I don’t know what I’d do.

I know you’ll always be there for me. The thing is there are lots of things that might make us miss each other. I don’t know how to stop that happening. We might need each other and not be able to find each other. That would be terrible.

Tomorrow I have to be at the job centre at twelve. Usually the appointments only take five minutes but sometimes someone turns up drunk or something and even though they’re hours late for their appointment they demand to see someone right away. And sometimes the people there want to make you sit through some kind of useless training that can take up loads of the day too. Usually it doesn’t bother me too much as I have nowhere to be. It’s boring but not a tragedy. Now I’m worried they’ll hold me up and I won’t get to see you. If I do miss you I hope you know it’s definitely not by choice.

I don’t know why I’m bothering to go to be honest. I’ve been unemployed since I finished university and I don’t think they’ve lined up one interview for me. It’s not because I’m not intelligent enough to get to work. I just don’t like their silly games.

I know I’m much smarter than loads of people out there who have jobs. I’ve got a degree in History. That’s why I know so much about the stories behind lots of things. I like to know about how things happen.

I bet you went to a good university. A successful woman like you probably did really well there.

I did well on my course but I hated being at university. It was the people that got to me. I just didn’t get on with them. I couldn’t get my head round them. When we have kids I’m going to make sure we don’t let them go to university in Sheffield. The people there are awful. The only people worse than the students around me were the students from the other Sheffield university. And then there were the people who were actually from Sheffield. They were probably the worst of all actually. I lived on my own as soon as I could just to get away from them all.

We’ll have to make sure we raise our kids somewhere nice so they don’t even consider going somewhere like that. I guess we could leave Essex if we had a good reason to. I don’t think we need to though. We could just move a bit closer to the countryside. Out near where the airport is. It would be a shame to leave this house though because it’s so near all the good schools in town. I guess there are good schools everywhere though. I guess we might be bored of Chelmsford by the time we have kids. We might fancy a change.

We can work all that out together though.

I love you.

Yours,

Andrew