Yours

February 1st

Dear Sophia,

I love you. I love you. I love you.

I’m not sure which one of us should be saying sorry. I’m so sorry for doubting you. I’m sorry for not putting it all together. It would’ve been so much easier if you’d stuck to what we promised. We must tell each other if we’re not going to be somewhere we’re expected to be. We must tell each other where we expect to be and put it on the calendar so we know when we’re not going to be together. We must look after each other when we are ill.

I know you weren’t ill and I know you didn’t plan to be there. That’s fine. But you didn’t tell me that. You didn’t tell me you had a different plan in the first place. If I’d known all this wouldn’t have happened.

I only worked it out once I got home. I still went to Starbucks. I was still really jittery. I didn’t read the papers or stare out the window. I drank a couple of coffee drinks to make sure I was extra alert. I didn’t sleep too well last night and I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss you. I didn’t do anything except sit there and drink my drinks. I only got up to get a new drink when I could see the queue was short so I knew I wouldn’t miss you.

You didn’t come. I got more and more worried. It seems stupid now but I did. I waited through the afternoon and then I gave up. I wanted to get straight in bed and curl up and never wake up. The weekend looked so long and I thought I’d never see you again.

When I got in I went straight to the calendar to make sure your name was there for today. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing anything. That was when I saw it. I saw Sophia under Friday. I saw Sophia under Thursday. Then I looked around it and saw Sophia under Thursday and Friday for last week too. Only I had crossed your name out on those days last week. I’d expected to see you then but I hadn’t. That’s when I realised what had happened. Your week had changed. It wasn’t an emergency. It wasn’t being mean to me. You just aren’t in town on Thursdays and Fridays at the moment.

I’ve been thinking about that trying to understand it. I hope it’s not because you can’t afford to get a coffee every day. If that’s why then you should tell me Sophia. I’m here to provide for you.

I’m going to sit down and try and work out exactly how long I can support us for with the money I have.

My mum never spent all the money my Dad would send her. She said she didn’t want to rely on it. She used to work and pay the bills herself. She said the money he sent was for me. I got it all when I was twenty one. I got some inheritance money from mum too when I got the house and everything. All that could last us for quite a while I think.

Maybe I should start thinking more like my mum and not rely on money from people who abandoned me. I should really provide for us myself. I’ll work it all out soon. It’s February now at least but if you need money before you move in you should let me know. You shouldn’t be embarrassed. What’s mine is yours.

I love you.

Yours,

Andrew