Kendall Schmidt Imagines

Imagine #105: Happier

This was supposed to be called 'Sorry' in the first place (in 2015???) but since I'm back and Ed released his album, and the entire thing is such a gift, and this is how the story-line has kind of changed and I'm listening to Justin's 'home to mama' which was released in 2014 i think and i still love it even though i haven't heard it in months, oh look cold water just came on, okay sorry.

-----

He sat with my palms covering his eyes and his head hanging low. He felt as wrinkly as his flannel shirt was. His hair felt the way it does when you haven't showered in a week. He tugged at their roots, sniffling and then looked up to meet your welcoming eyes.

You stood there, in a blue dress that ended just above your knee. He had always loved that dress. He realized how he never told you that enough. He bit his lower lip as he watched you leaned tensely against the wall. Then you spoke in a low voice.

"You know this can't go on, right?"

Kendall, feeling the worst he had ever felt, closed his stinging eyes and nodded. Then his gut exploded and his tears spilled into his hands. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He choked out.

"Kendall- look," You crouched in front of him, pulling his hands away. He didn't let you touch him, but he sat straighter in his chair and let out a little howl of misery. You looked over at his disheveled state and felt your heart waver a bit. But your mind was made, and this truly couldn't go on. You clutched the handle of your trolley bag tightly and returned to him. The few moments you were gone, Kendall stood up, heat rising to his neck and sweat poring from his hair. His eyes stinging and he was unable to keep a straight face. He was regretting all his late nights, regretting all the extra glasses of beer. He felt like his insides are disappeared and were instead filled with foam and needles. 

"Can I- can I please just- hold you w-one last time?" He managed to say as he tried to keep ground beneath him. He looked at you against the sunlight breaking in from behind, looking like the absolute angel you were to him. Anybody could tell your skin was soft without even touching it, and he could see your bare arms very clearly. Your hair sitting on your shoulders, your eyes less brighter than they usually were, he tried not to feel too robbed.

You sighed, but moved in to hug him, he wrapped his body around yours, knowing he was sweaty, but he didn't quite care- was this going to be the last time he ever got to touch you. He hugged you tighter and you felt his burning tears falling upon the shoulder strap of your dress. You felt your stomach tightening into a knot, and before you could start crying, you pulled away, you voice cracking as you said "Goodbye, Kendall." Then he said it.

"Y/N" He called you at the front door, his voice hoarse.
"Yeah?" You barely said.

"I-I know you'll fall for someone else one day," His hands balled into fists, his nails digging into his skin, leaving marks. More tears fell from his eyes. "A-and if one day, he breaks your heart like lovers usually do...just-just remember that I'll be right here: waiting for you."

You blinked at his blurring figure. Then stepped out the door.

one month later 

He sat in his empty studio, an empty bottle of beer in his lose hand. His eyelids red, his hair messier than ever, his eyes more bloodshot than his mother ever remembered them to be. His voice much more different, and his his heart heavier than weight-lifts. The door opened, and his cousin walked in. "Brother, take a walk." She said and ruffled his dirty hair. But how could it help him? He still loved you. More than anyone ever could. He still cared. More than anyone ever could. But he kept telling himself she's happier, she's happier

Kendall walked down the 29th street, his heart still heavy from his pain when utmost suddenly, out of the blue he heard the most welcoming and familiar laugh tinkle its way to him. He stopped in his tracks and turned around, almost like a wild deer in headlights to see where you were, his eyes craving you.

He found you. Immediately. But another boy had his arms around you, and you looked so much happier. He had something to make you laugh, and your smile looked twice as wide than it used to. You and your new boy walked into a bar, and just to keep you in sight for as long as he could, he walked right after you. It was inappropriate, he knew that but his crushed heart was helpless.

Just a month you'd been apart, and yet you looked so much happier. And his friends said that one, he will feel it too, but until then, he was stuck in today, and he didn't feel it today.

He knew nobody would hurt you like he had, but he also knew that nobody would love you like he did, but you looked so much happier. And he knew, that there were hundreds around the world that deserved you more than he did, but God, he was still so in love with you.

And as he watched from a corner in the bar, how you laughed and how you were so free and how an aura of happiness surrounded you, he could see it in the other boy's eyes that he did love you, but wouldn't you ever know, nobody could love you as much as he did- he made his mistakes, but he loved you.

But Kendall did a poor job of hiding himself, because the bar wasn't very spread out, and soon enough, you saw him- sitting on a stool, surrounded by smokers. How glad you were to see that he didn't have a cigarette against his lips. And you saw him looking mournfully, sadly, regretfully at you. But since the other boy was right next to you, you just offered a small smile to him.

Kendall almost fell off his seat. You were there. You were here. You were looking at him, you looked so much happier, and yet you were smiling at him. And because you looked so much happier, he didn't move from his seat. He didn't give you any signs of not being okay. He didn't do anything to convey the message that he was less okay than he had been his entire life, and just to mask the pain, he brought himself to raise the bottle of beer to his mouth again, and smile weakly back to you.

In the back of his mind, his words echoed: I'll be waiting right here for you.

------------ 

i luv the song
and sowwy for no update yesterday.