A/N: Request by kiwiaku
Tw- toxic religion, implied mentionings of religious cults
Azira laid on his bed, twisting his white-blond curls as he wrote his billionth text to Anthony. It's kind of a funny story as to how he got his number.
One day at lunch he saw him pass a piece of paper to some girl; Anathema Device.
Of course he was jealous, but he decided to at least take Crowley's number. He quickly wrote it on the palm of his hand, hoping nobody would notice.
Maybe the two of them could just talk.
If he was lucky, he thought maybe he could have something more.
It wasn't getting Anthony that was the problem. It was the fact that he'd be in danger if his highly religious parents were to find out.
Azira was practically raised in his church. He attended every Wednesday and Sunday. He never took off his wooden cross necklace. He was practically a poster boy on the outside.
But when he was alone he wasn't so ideal. He'd spend hours praying about two topics he'd thought well about.
"Please help me through these hard times. I'm trying my hardest here. I've done my best to try not to look at Anthony, but that feeling I get every time I'm around him. Everything I feel for him. It makes my heart rush. He's just so wonderful... Please change me. I want to be straight. I'm trying everything I can, but it just feels as everything is leading me in the other direction. Help me before I get sent to one of those camps... amen."
Azira crawled into bed and got on his phone. He typed in Crowley's number, writing out a text.
Hey Anthony, it's me Azira. You know, the one who never talks. I thought perhaps we could talk.
He sent the text, quickly hitting the unsend button. He knew he couldn't send something like that. He shut off his phone and immediately went to sleep, trying not to think about it.
The next morning he woke up, ate breakfast and went to school. Anthony said nothing to him. He felt like a ghost, invisible and unknown.
That night after he did his nightly routine, he crawled into bed and tried sending Anthony another text.
Hey Anthony it's me Azira! I was hoping we could talk more!
He hit the send button, quickly unsending, because it seemed too needy. He then shut his phone off, staying awake thinking about Anthony. Something about the whole thing made him nervous. There were so many things that could go wrong.
Anthony was a dirty sinner... one of the dirtiest. Every box checked as to someone his parents would not approve of. But Azira had standards, and Anthony met enough of them to be likable.
He decided to sleep on it.
Of course no conclusion was reached in the morning. Though, every now and then Azira would write out a heartfelt text, immediately hitting the unsend button.
As the days went on Azira got more flirty with his texts. Those were unsent too. He couldn't bare to flirt with Anthony. That felt too wrong.
That night though Azira had enough of this crush. He was home alone, and getting ready for bed. He looked into the mirror and said, "You... You're a dirty sinner. Just like Anthony. What have you been thinking?"
He plumped a fine amount of toothpaste on his toothbrush and sighed, "What am I to do? Lord why won't you take my gay away?"
Azira's phone began to buzz. He picked it up and unlocked it, seeing that someone had texted him.
You feeling alright? You usually text me around this time.
Azira looked up at the ceiling and said, "God... what do you want me to do?"
He thought to himself that he should best be respectful.
I'm feeling alright. How are you?
Azira awaited a response.
Just fine, but I'm curious. You always retract the texts and you've been doing it for weeks.
Azira's face had never been so red. He sat on the bathroom counter and responded, How many of them did you read?
Most of them XD you have a habit of texting around the same time and after a while I was able to time it just right to be able to track the texts before you unsent them...
Azira began to feel sick.
Oh, sorry Anthony, it's okay if you want to just disregard them. You probably hate me.
I don't hate you. Would I be talking to you right now if I hated you? We'll talk in the morning xoxo mwah gn
Azira looked back in the mirror and said, "I'm forgiven for my sins."
He then brushed his teeth, and continued on with his nightly routine. That night he went to sleep happy.
The next morning Anthony had came up to him.
"Hey Azira."
"Hullo Anthony."
The two blushed and looked away from each other.
"So... we going to talk about it," Azira asked. Nervousness covered his face. He blushed, not wanting Anthony to see.
Anthony asked, "Why me? We're complete opposites."
"No... I don't think we're as different as you may believe. I just have an act I need to keep up in public."
"Really? You seem to play the part quite well."
Azira's heart shattered. He mumbled, "I'm sorry. I really don't want to."
"Do you rehearse everything you say because most of the time it sounds like you say the exact same thing over and over. When you texted me it was practically a whole new side of you."
Azira began to cry as he nodded.
"Don't cry, please don't cry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," Anthony said. He tried not to make Azira uncomfortable.
"Anthony... I don't want many people to know but... perhaps I'm not as good at all this as people believe."
"So you're not part of the God Squad?"
"...um, well I suppose I am still religious. Just not like... well you know Gabe and Micha. They're better at it. I've known them forever. Oh I'd be so dead if they knew we spoke. They'd rat me out. I could be disowned."
Azira broke down crying. Anthony hugged him and whispered, "It's alright. This is the literal most empty hall, nobody is going to see us talking here."
"Oh- okay..."
They both sat down next to each other. Anthony whispered in Azira's ear, "You know I like you to, so if you ever get the nerve I'm open."
"Wait- you're open? As in single? You're not dating Anathema?"
Anthony titled his head and said, "I'm gay. Why would I date her?"
Azira softly laughed to himself.
"Nothing- no reason Anthony. Don't worry about it."
The two smiled softly at each other.
"So," asked Anthony, "You going to make a decision?"
"I think I have, hope He up there approves," Azira said as he kissed Anthony. The bell than rang.
"Text me later, Azira! Maybe we can meet up somewhere!" Anthony shouted as the two of them walked off in opposite directions.