[Harry]
I was about to break my phone due to how bored I was. I hate to wait, it's killing me, what is Billy taking so long?
I leaned my back against the wall and stared at the ceiling. I'm going to beat Billy if he doesn't show up soon. I grabbed my phone to call him and I see Ashley waving at me and winked. I smile and raise my middle finger.
I wonder if I should do something because I don't like her and she told Lucy something long ago but perhaps too late. What I am sure of is that if Lucy has a good memory she will know it was me. She will probably be mad at me and I cannot afford that right now. I need to get her back not to push her away.
My shoulders relax when I spotted Billy in my field of vision. The boy smiles and I squint at him. I wonder what is going on.
"So, did she get the poem?"
"Yes."
"Where was Lucy?"
"In the library."
"Was she alone?" I raised my eyebrows and this time Billy didn't answer right away. "Answer me."
"She was with a guy and it was not Marcel."
If is not Marcel this is not right.
"Who was the boy?"
"Lucy said he was lying but he said they were in the middle of a date—"
In my mind I'm thinking of drag Lucy out of the stupid library. She's mine although she is not mine.
"Billy, you fucker, tell me who it was and stop playing with me," I growled.
"Eric, I think."
What the hell is she doing with him?
"Blond, blue eyes and stupid?"
"Yes," Bill nodded and I started walking. "Harry, don't make a scene!"
"Shut up, Billy."
I hate Eric and just today Lucy decides to spend her time with him. If she was my girlfriend already and I wouldn't let her talk to Eric, she probably would not accept my condition so my arguments are invalid.
I am super fast and I walk very quickly between the tables in the library. I cannot believe she is in a hallway and alone with Eric. I wish I could kick him in the face.
I check most of the halls but I stop when I hear their voices.
"Harry is not a worm, he's cute, he has cute eyes and cute tattoos."
I smiled like an idiot listening to Lucy. Of course she thinks I'm cute but I want to be so much more than that to her.
"Oh God, I'm going to throw up."
It makes me sick to hear Eric. I walk into the hall and forced an exaggerated cough. They look at me and I want to show another expression besides my annoyance. Lucy opens her mouth to say something but Eric started laughing. He is so unbearable.
"We are busy!" Eric said and hugged Lucy.
"Eric!" She complained and her face is hidden in Eric's chest.
"We were kissing!"
"Stop it, Eric!"
"Let her go," I barked and tried to act calm.
Lucy tried to push the blond with her tiny hands and if he doesn't let her go I'll kick him in the face, it will be a pleasure for me, really.
"We're in the middle of a date!" Eric shrieked and Lucy hit him in the chest. "She just hit me, Styles, she's quite a beast."
Eric released her from his grip and Lucy hit him in the shoulder with a book.
"Get out," I snapped and the boy raised his hands.
Lucinda fixed her glasses and hair while Eric stood up.
"Bye, baby," he blew a kiss to her and I rolled my eyes. Never in 20 million years Lucy would be 'his baby'.
"Get away from her," I barked when he walked next to me.
I waited my ex friend to leave the aisle to return my eyes to Lucy.
"Hi."
That short word always seems to be appropriate. I walked towards her and sat beside her.
She looked at me for a few seconds, then stared at the books on the floor. I frowned.
'"Why did he call you baby?" I asked.
"He's playing, ignore it, Harry."
"What are you doing with him?"
"He was helping me, nothing serious."
"Fine," I grumbled. "Why didn't you ask me?"
"I didn't think you will like this place."
"Yes, it's boring," I wrinkled my nose.
We looked at each other and she half smiled. Her eyes scanned my face and her expression begins to change. She's thinking, something is happening in her mind and I need to know what is it.
"Fine, I give up," Lucy muttered before I can ask something.
What the hell she just said? No, I must be wrong, I must be deaf.
"What?" I said, impressed.
"I surrender," she spoke softly.
Her eyes immediately filled with tears and she looks weak and small and I just want to hug her and give her a lot of love and everything she needs.
"Hey, come here."
I opened my arms to her and I thought Lucinda was going to reject me but she accepted my little proposal. She rested her head on my shoulder and my arms wrapped around her body. I didn't think she would say that and that I would be hugging her right now but this is awesome. I am overwhelmed due to everything.
It's been so long and here we are.
"Don't cry," I muttered and she nodded.
I don't want to see her in this way, I made a serious mistake and things have been terrible and I don't want more of that.
My hands caressed her back and she rested her forehead on my chest.
"Please don't cry."
"I'm-I'm sorry," she murmured against my shirt.
I know all the girls have this side but I love Lucy's emotional side, only hers.
"I'm not in love with the idea of you, you're wrong, don't think about those things. I made a letter talking about us, about you, about all that you are and how much I adore all these details about you. That's the only truth, Lucy. "
"I want to believe you."
"I will do whatever it takes. Don't run away and let's talk, we can go very slow," I whispered and she nodded. "We could go out and do things together, just that. I will not force you to anything you don't want Lucy. "
"Okay," she replied still in the same position.
Somehow she is accepting me and I don't deserve this but I'll do whatever it takes, she's basically the only real thing I have.
"Wow, this is amazing," I said and Lucinda looked up at me. I smiled and she did the same. "I was so nervous, I thought you were going to kick me and tell me to leave you alone. I was not ready for that but I thought it was going to happen. "
"And would you do it? Would you leave me alone?" She asked.
I stroked her cheek and Lucy didn't move. I took advantage of the moment and laced our fingers.
"Nope, I think I would do anything else to get your attention," I shrugged my shoulders. "I know I screwed up but I'll make up for it, I will be good, I promise and if you think at the end it was not enough you can let me go and I'll accept it."
I just hope to be enough.
Lucy stared at our hands and gave a short nod.
"About Marcel it was a mistake, if I had feelings for him we wouldn't be here."
"I know, I was jealous," I answered honestly.
"I don't find it rational, Harry."
"I do because I want you with me; I guess I'm jealous of each person that shares their time with you because I want you.”
I really am.
Lucy smiled right away and I know and I want to believe that this is what she wants and likes to listen when I say it. Her cheeks are really flushed and she looks very embarrassed and I love it.
"I think we need to clarify a couple of things, Harry."
"Okay, I hear you."
"This doesn't mean that you are forgiven and that we are together. Anything can happen, I think this is like...it's like a chance to see if things work out, Harry. "
"I know, I'm not giving up."
"We can hold hands but I think we shouldn't kiss, not now," she blushed and I nodded. "We don't have to spend all day together at school. I will be honest and you will be honest. "
"Yep."
"Do you have to add something else?"
"Nope, I guess. Wait, can I flirt with you, right? " Lucy laughed and nodded. "Okay, I have something for you."
"What?" She looked at me nervous and I released her hands.
"I can't say it, I'll send you a message."
"Why can't you tell?" She raised her bushy eyebrows and I took out my phone.
"I don't know, I want you to have it on your phone," I said.
To: Lucy.
You must be the one for me, since my selectively permeable membrane let you go Lucy.
"Fine, I sent it."
Her cell phone rang in her pocket and Lucy grabbed it. She watched me for a few seconds before looking at the screen.
Her cheeks grew red. The message is romantic and nerd, I never thought I'd do this. I spent time and I wanted to find something different from what the boys searched the other day.
"Harry, this is so sweet," she smiled embarrassed.
"Did you like it?"
"Yes, it's funny and romantic and so nerd," she laughed. "I need a tissue and finish this," she pointed to the books.
"Fine, I'll help."
We got up and she kept the last remaining books. We walked to the table where the other books are. I waited for Lucy as she searched handkerchiefs.
She blew her nose and I was watching her. I cannot believe she's going to give this a kind of 'opportunity'. I wonder how is going to be, what we will do.
"Sorry."
"I cannot believe you've finally stopped running away," I sighed in relief.
"I like to run away," she shrugged.
"I hope you don't do it again, Lucy," I said honestly. I know it's part of her nature but I don't want her to run away from me anymore.
We picked up the latest books on the table and I followed her into the hallway where language books are.
"How do I organize this?" I asked as we sat face to face.
"Everything is separated by letters, so I separate for the title."
"I never come here so I had no idea."
We started to organize and a couple of times our eyes meet. This is very strange but it feels normal, it feels fine. There is tension between us because we don't know what will happen, what direction it will take and what will be the end.
"Why Billy brings things for you?" Lucinda asked once we finished organizing.
I rested the palms of my hands on the floor and Lucy's eyes looked my arms and up to my face.
"First, because I'm afraid to face you and second because he's like my spy."
"Why are you afraid to face me? I'm the most harmless person to be honest," Lucy smiled a little.
"I know, but the words are weapons, now that I have all these feelings for you everything hurts."
"I know, we're hanging on a rope."
"Exactly, and I don't want to break it," I said.
Since I broke everything between us and now we may have the opportunity and I don't want to fail.
"Cassie told me something about Billy, can I know what happens between you and him?"
I knew she would find out about Billy someday but I never imagined it would be because he gives things to her from me.
"Billy did everything possible. Hm, I know it sounds weird but I wanted to keep an eye on you, at first it was fun but after I got used to it and I like it," I answered honestly. I like spying on Lucy.
"It's weird," Lucinda admitted, "but I like it, not even my mother has an eye on me," she spoke and looked down.
I can see the way her expression changes, Lucy is like an open book and I think even if she tries she could not hide her feelings.
I know she has problems with her mother, I've seen it and I can tell. I understand how she feels, I understand how lonely she is but I'll take care of her.
"Would you like her to be different? I mean pay more attention to you."
"Yes."
"I understand you, but I'll take care of you, seriously," I put my hand on hers and we looked at each other in silence.
"If I allow it," she whispered. I just hope that she allows it, I'm in love with her and I would do anything for Lucinda.
"I would do it anyway," I stated very seriously, "I said in the letter that I would take care of you and you were like a baby," I twisted a little smile and Lucy did the same, she looks embarrassed.
She's too flushed, almost like tomato and I think she is so sweet.
"I'm not a baby."
"Yes, you are. On Halloween you placed the ice I gave you in your eyebrows because they needed cool down too, "I tried not to laugh.
Lucy covered her face with her hands and laughed softly.
"It’s not fair, I was not very conscious that night. I embarrassed myself at that party. "
"Of course not, you looked happy and you danced a lot."
"I embarrassed myself," she repeated.
"Of course not, you looked cute."
Lucy smiled and shook her head.
"Come on, we have to go," she started walking and I followed.
I shoved my hands into my pockets as I watched Lucinda. Now what? I don't want to go to my next class I'd rather stay with Lucy.
We grabbed our backpacks and I laced our fingers.
"Would you like to do something after school?"
"Harry, we have a test tomorrow, I need to study and you too," Lucy shrugged.
"Okay."
We walked down the hall and I start thinking about what we could do, I don't have to think too much because something very obvious and important hits my mind.
"Come to my mother's dinner with me," I blurted out suddenly and Lucy looked at me.
"What?"
"I want you to go, I want you to meet my family. Charlie is going with me because Gemma will be working."
Lucinda bit her lower lip and looked away.
"You're important to me, I want you there, Lucy. Plus it will be boring without you," I pouted, maybe that helps.
"Can I think about it?"
It was not the answer I was expecting but at least is not a 'no'.
"Okay. Want me to take you home after school? "
"Nope, I'm fine. I'll tell you my answer later. "
"Okay but don't think too much. Just come with me, it's simple. "
She nodded and then got rid of my grip. We said goodbye coldly and Lucy went to class. I'm disappointed but I cannot expect that things will change in a matter of seconds. I need patience and time.
So I spent the rest of the hours staring at the ceiling or anything else except pay attention in class. I thought about Lucinda, I don't think she is going to say 'no' but there is a small chance. I need to have a plan b, which would be take her somewhere, do something else.
The fact that she has given a 'chance' to us is a big step but it means nothing at the same time. I need to act but I don't know what to do. I have a terrible imagination and the only good thing I did was that heart full of flowers. But is not enough, I know is not enough. I will need help, maybe my friends or Billy or anyone else.
When school is over is a relief. Perhaps Lucinda will tell me her answer right now so I have to find her. Her classroom is empty when I get there, maybe she is already in the parking lot. I thought it would be difficult to find her among the entire mass of people but Lucinda is waiting for me next to my car.
"I will go with you," Lucy speaks before I can ask.
"Really?"
"Yes," she smiles a little.
"Great, I think even Sherlock is going to that famous dinner."
We both smiled and Lucy hides her hands behind her back.
"So what should I wear?"
"Anything you want."
"What are you going to wear?"
"It's not a formal dinner, really, Lucy.”
"Okay," she nodded and her hands gripped her braid. She always does that when she's nervous. I cannot believe she's nervous about what she is going to wear that day.
I was about to say something completely different but I have an idea.
"You should wear a dress," I said. "A simple dress, you will look good."
The truth is that she looks amazing because I never see her wear dresses then it is a very rare opportunity. I also like her legs and the way the dress moves and I can see a little more of her thighs, even when it's a little.
"I'll think about it," she said blushing.
"Thank you for accepting. It will be good for us, we can share, play with Charlie, there will be food and we can be together, there is nothing better than that."
To my surprise Lucinda took a step toward me and rested her head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her body right away.
I can't help thinking that there are still feelings of sadness flowing between us, dammit, this will be hard.
"I hope so, Harry."
+
I'm pathetically nervous, I shouldn't be but it's just for the fact that I have no control of the situation. I always know what is going to happen but now with Lucinda everything is uncertain. Being on the tightrope with someone is a resounding feeling of complete uncertainty.
Emily showed up at my house and I had to take her home. She was drunk and alone and I didn't want her in my house. It was a bit complicated to deal with her due to her condition, I have no idea how I could stand her and how she could stand me. I wish not to talk about her anymore but I'm sure Lucinda will want to do it, I guess to clarify things.
Charlie is with me and now I have to pick up Lucy. I'm wearing a white shirt with drawings of hands and I wanted to find one for Charlie so we could match but there was nothing.
I'll have the best view throughout the whole family event if Lucinda wears a dress, I hope she does. I also hope she doesn't get mad, is not going to be something small I think that a lot of people of the family is going to be there and I didn't tell her about that detail because I thought that was going to scare her.
"Charlie, we're here," I said as I parked the car.
I sent her a message to say I was here. It didn't take her too much, after five minutes Lucinda was closing the door of her house. She is wearing a black dress with flowers and a cardigan, the dress is not so short it's just a bit above her knees, I'll definitely have a great view today. Damn, she looks great and so different at the same time.
I can see she is embarrassed, I hope she is not uncomfortable with what she is wearing.
"You look so pretty," I say once she got into the car.
"Thanks," she replied as she buckled her seat belt. "I hope is not too much."
"Nope, you're fine," I kissed her forehead and she tried to hide her smile.
I drove while Lucinda played with Charlie. I cannot describe how happy I am, I haven't been happy in this way for a while now. The barriers between us are there but the atmosphere is more quiet and relaxed.
Only this time it was good to lie to my mother for so long. I'm glad Lucy is going to the dinner with me, I haven't told Anne that Lucinda will go. Now that I think she is probably going to make a lot questions. I never bring a girl to family dinners, I never brought Angelina because our interests were other nor Emily due to her attitude and because this event was stupid for us, nor any of the girls that I had something because I didn't want, I didn't care, because I didn't find them decent or because they spent their time in my bed or all the excuses that I could find. I never came except when Charlie was born.
Lucinda is the first girl that I’m bringing and I'm very proud even when I don't care a lot of this dinner or my family.
"You said you'd bring Sherlock," Lucinda said.
"I lied, I'm sorry."
"Where is he?"
"In the house with Liam."
"Oh, too bad."
Lucinda stopped playing with Charlie when I parked the car. She looked at my mother's house and gulped in an exaggerated way.
"Hey, calm down," I grabbed her hand. "You look nice and don't be nervous is just a silly dinner."
"With your family," she added.
"It's not a big deal. Let’s go.”
I pointed to the outside and we got out of the car. I opened the door where Charlie was and undid his seat belt. I handed the keys to Lucy and carried the little boy. Lucinda closed the door and turned on the alarm of the car.
"What's in that bag?" I asked looking at the plastic bag she held in one hand.
"I brought a bottle of wine."
"It was not necessary, Lucy. Wait, your mom knows about this? "
"No, no and I actually stole the bottle without her consent."
I smiled. "But what a bad girl," I kissed her forehead.
Charlie hit my nose and then let out a little scream, which means he wants to walk. I left him on the floor and grabbed his little hand. I looked at Lucy and we are here, we are really going to this stupid dinner and the family will be here. Now I'm feeling nervous.
"Can you stay with Charlie for a moment?" I asked and Lucy grabbed Charlie's small hand. "I need a cigarette."
"Right now?" I nodded my head. "Why?"
"Because you're giving this an opportunity, because we are here and you will meet my mother and she will do a lot of questions, I hope you know that," I said as I pulled out a cigarette. "Also the things are difficult between us and I want you back, I hope you know that too."
Lucinda stepped back with Charlie and I did the same, I don't want to contaminate them with the toxic smoke. Unfortunately the cigarette ends too soon, I want to smoke another one but Lucinda is waiting. I put the lighter in my pocket and made my way back to Fray.
"Fine, let's go."
I grabbed Charlie's hand and Lucinda holds the other, we walked slowly following Charlie's rhythm of walking and I rang the bell once we are in front of the door. While we wait I can hear several voices and I hope mom didn't invite many people. I hear some footsteps running towards the entrance and a child opens the door. Dammit, it's Holly's brother.
"It's Harry and a girl!" The kid screamed and then he ran leaving the door open.
I carried Charlie in my arms and grabbed Lucy's hand. We walked into the hall and my mother appeared holding a tray of cookies. She doesn't hide her surprise at seeing me here and with Lucinda.
"Hi Harry and Lucy, thanks for coming," Mom kissed her cheek. "Hello Charlie," the boy smiled and blurted out a little 'hi'. “I didn’t know you were coming but I’m glad you're here.”
"It was unexpected," I spoke this time.
"I brought a red wine," Lucy handed the bag to Anne
"What? It was not necessary but the family loves wine but Harry and Gemma always drink all, "Anne smiled and I rolled my eyes.
"They drink so slowly," I replied in my defense and Lucinda smiled a little.
"Thanks for the wine and for tolerate this ogre," Mom looked at me and I rolled my eyes once again. "You look adorable; you're the prettiest girlfriend that Harry has ever had."
Awkward moment, Lucinda showed her best smile and I pretended to cough.
"Yes, Mom, thanks. The hall is too small so I will show the house to Lucy."
"Yeah, sure. Everyone is here, don't forget to say hi, Harry, "Anne scolded and I nodded reluctantly. "I'll take Charlie to the kitchen," Mom said once she carried Charlie. "Oh and I made duck, I hope you like it Lucy. If you are hungry—"
"We're not hungry now, Lucy wants to see the house," I cut my mother as I pulled Lucy.
"Harry, stop it," Lucinda whispered and I stopped when we got to the living room.
I was going to say something but someone interrupts us, a neighbor of my mother greets us with her children, there are some co-workers of my mother and then there's another neighbor but I know them a little better. I fucked Holly long time ago, she's the daughter of our neighbor. She wanted more but I was not interested in that, I was interested on her huge boobs.
"Hi, I'm Holly," the girl kisses Lucy's cheek and then hugs me too tight. Second awkward moment and we just got here. "How have you been, Harry?"
I smiled uncomfortably and Lucinda was looking at both.
“Yeah, I’m fine. She’s Lucinda, my girlfriend," I pointed to Lucy before Holly could say anything else.
The blonde looked back at Lucy and then at me.
"Super cool, have fun," she growled before leaving.
I really don't care about Holly but she was rude and very obvious I think. I hope Lucy doesn't suspect I had something with her because I really don't want to talk about her.
"Back to what we were talking, don't be that way with your mother and also I want a glass of water," Lucinda told me and I nodded my head.
"I just want to avoid awkward moments."
Lucy pulled my hand and we made our way to the kitchen. To my surprise mom was not there and the kitchen was empty, I think everyone is in the back yard.
"You just said I'm your girlfriend."
"You want me to introduce you as my friend?" I asked while I was searching a glass for her.
"I don't think we're friends," she crossed her arms.
What's worse is that she is right, literally we are nothing.
I sighed and handed her the glass of water. Lucy drank without taking her eyes off me. I caressed her waist and she grabbed my hand.
"Literally we are nothing."
"I know, you don't have to repeat that," I growled. "Anyway, I'll introduce you as my girlfriend."
"Whatever."
"Wait, does it bother you?" I raised my eyebrows.
"Nope, I guess."
Our eyes met and I gently rubbed her arm with my hand. I quickly scanned Lucy from head to toe, she looks fantastic in that dress so simple and I must admit that I'm dying to kiss her skin.
She doesn't move and I take advantage of the situation and wrapped my arms around her neck and rest my lips on her forehead.
"You look cute, thanks for coming," I whispered and Lucy's hands caressed my back.
"You look cute too," she replied quietly and I smiled.
"I know you don't like to wear this but this dress makes you look sexy."
"Sexy?" Lucy laughed a little and shook her head. "Fine, time's up," Lucy stepped back. "That moment was very intimate."
"Intimate?" I tried to hide my smile, she must be kidding.
"Yes, I barely said yes and you're already touching me."
"You are so exaggerated," I kissed her forehead and grabbed her hand, "but I like you that way."
"So where are the others?" Lucy looked down with flushed cheeks.
"Outside, you want to go now?"
"Yes, I guess."
Lucinda drank the last sip of the water and then we left the kitchen. We walked down the hall but we stop when we bumped with Marcel, he is standing and staring at us and he is wearing a stupid sweater. Damn, I completely forgot he would be here. Awkward moment number three.
"Hi," Lucy was the first to speak and it was obvious that she would do that.
"Hello," replied Marcel, then he looked at me. "Can I talk to you?"
"No."
"Well, then I'll say it here…open your eyes, Lucy, you worth more, my cousin is a complete idiot,you cannot be with him, you suffered a lot and it's all his fault. He doesn't deserve you and never will. And-And you Harry...you, hm, fuck you. "
I want to punch Marcel on the face so bad, words are weapons and I think he just shot towards Lucy. He walks away from us and I look at Fray.
"Lucy, he just...he's just angry, just that."
I don't know what else to say. I know that Marcel is right, Lucy is worth much more and I don't deserve her but that doesn’t mean I can’t try to be a better version of myself.
"I need the bathroom" Lucinda spoke and released my hand. Fuck. "Please."
"I'll go with you-"
"No, I want to go alone, just tell me where it is."
"Down the hall then to the right," I growled.
Lucy left without saying another word and I tried to concentrate and not go looking for Marcel and attack him. We weren't getting closer but something was going on, something was kind of working between us and now I feel that something else was cut. I just hope she doesn't change her mind; she can't do it that fast, right?
+
Hi, sorry, I'm busy and I had some problems. It's kind of a long chapter and I hope you like it. I will update next weekend because I have exams. Love you all!! xox