Lost On You by Lewis Capaldi
'You know that I adore you'
4:00am
9th August 2019
Shawn was still in surgery.
He had been rushed straight into surgery as soon as we reached the hospital. The paramedics said that he was losing alot of blood and that they had to close up the wound before Shawn could sustain any further damage.
As for me I was struggling to keep my eyes open. I had been sitting in this same seat for the last two hours, just waiting for a doctor or a nurse to come out of those doors and tell me that Shawn was okay.
Liam was off somewhere in hospital with Aaliyah grabbing us all some snacks and drinks so we could sober up. I was sat beside Karen and Manny, the three of us taking it in turns to yawn between each tired blink.
"If you want to go to sleep darling then that's okay, I'll wake you up if we hear anything" Karen gave me a soft tired smile as she placed her hand on the top of mine.
"No, it's okay" I gently smiled at her as I gave her cold hand a slight squeeze, trying to comfort her just as much as she was comforting me.
"He should be out soon"
Karen nodded with a sad tight smile before looking away, keeping her hand on top of mine.
Leaning my head back against the wall I briefly closed my eyes as I let out a deep breath, my head spinning as I replayed tonight's events over and over again.
-/
FLASHBACK-
9TH AUGUST 2019 [1:15AM]
Holding tightly onto Shawn's hand the tears wouldn't stop falling down my cheeks as I stared helplessly down at his pale face.
Intertwining my fingers with Shawn's I lifted our hands up to my lips before pressing a trail of kisses along knuckles and the back of his hand.
The back of the ambulance was surrounded with the sound of Shawn's slow heart beat beeping through the monitor he was hooked up to.
His face looked sore as the blood from his head wound dried up across his skin, his hair sticking down onto his forehead.
"We'll be at the hospital soon my love, I promise that everything's going to be okay" my voice was soft and scratchy as I moved my face towards Shawn's.
"Even with all the scratches you still look so beautiful" I gave a small smile as sad tears fell from my cheeks and dropped onto Shawn's skin.
"I love you so much my love" I said, my voice barely a whisper as an enormous lump formed in my throat.
Taking my spare hand up to Shawn's face I gently soothed my thumb under his eye before cupping his cheek in my palm.
"Just on hold a few more minutes"
I then lent towards Shawn's face, slowly closing my eyes as I placed my lips against his. As I softly kissed him I felt the dryness of his lips against mine, no motion or sign that he knew I was with him.
-/
4:46am
Feeling a nudge against my shoulder I abruptly opened my eyes I realised that I must have have fallen asleep.
"Eloise?" I heard Liam's voice awaken me as his hand shook my shoulder a little.
Finding his voice I looked forward to see Liam crouched infront of me so he was eye level.
"What?" I breathed out heavily, panic settling in as I began to worry about what I could have possibly missed while I was a sleep.
"Shawn's out of surgery" Liam gave me a soft and relieved smile as his hands soothed over the tops of my shoulders.
"Is he okay?" I worried as I looked around the waiting room to see that Aaliyah, Manny and Karen were no longer here.
"He's going to be just fine" Liam gave me a big smile as I turned back to look at him.
I could see the tears form in Liam's eyes as he spoke to me, so much relief and fear spreading across his face all at once.
Without a second of hesitation I crushed my arms around Liam as I buried my head into his shoulder, it now being my turn to cry again.
Feeling his arms immediately hug me tightly back his hands rubbed up and down my back as I heard quiet muffled cries leave his lips.
"He's under sedation at the moment but he should be awake within a few hours" Liam's voice cracked a little as he tried to hide the obvious fact that he was crying.
"You want to go and see him?"
Nodding against his shoulder Liam muttered an okay before releasing me from the hug.
Standing up straight Liam quickly wiped the tears from his eyes before holding out a hand for me to take.
"Let's go see your man" Liam smiled gently as his eyes faded down with sadness.
Giving him a small smile I placed my hand in his before standing up. Liam then walked us towards where Shawn's hospital room was, his hand remaining wrapped around mine.
Eventually coming to a room at the end of the hallway Liam let go of my hand and opened the door before allowing me to step in first.
As I slowly walked into the room my heart broke even more then I thought it ever possibly could. Just having to see Shawn in the state he was, was more unbearable then anything I've ever seen in my life.
He was hooked up to so many different machines, tubes leading out of his nose and others connected to each of his hands. He had a breathing mask over his mouth as his body was covered in the most thinnest of covers.
There was a drip hanging from the side of his bed, the tube from that being the one which was connected to his hand. His fingers had clips on each of its tips as his body layed on the bed motionless, only slight movement everytime Shawn's chest rose and fell.
"There's a seat here for you" I heard Karen's voice break me from my stare of Shawn.
Looking to the side of bed she was stood beside Manny and Aaliyah, the three of them looking completely drained and tired.
I gave a small meek nod before walking to the side of Shawn's bed and taking a seat on the comfortbale chair.
Pulling the chair a little closer to Shawn's side I instinctively took his hand in mine, feeling the coldness of his skin attach itself onto mine.
Taking my eyes down to our hands I felt my heart tightly lock together as I saw the cannula sink into his hand, his veins prominent across his skin.
Moving my eyes up his arm he had all sorts of scratches across his pale skin. Taking my eyes up to his face I felt a small gasp leave my lips as I looked at his hair. His hair was short, shaved all the way down that his curls I loved so much were gone.
"They had to shave his head so they could sew up the wound on his head" Manny explained as I carefully reached my hand up to the top of his head.
"He doesn't even look like himself" I said sadly, my voice barely above a whisper as I gently moved my fingers over the uninjured part of his head.
As my fingers brushed over the top of his buzzcut hair the feeling was so much different, a sort of difference that was so small but made everything feel so strange.
Moving my fingers in a circular motion upon his head I then looked at his face. Something about him was so peaceful as he layed there unconscious, his pink eyelids covering those luscious brown orbs I was dieing so badly to see.
As I stared at him with so much love I heard the door of the room open before another set of footsteps followed into the room.
"Mr and Mrs Mendes?" I heard, causing my head to flip round as I realised it was doctor speaking.
The doctor stood at the end of Shawn's bed as he held a clip board of papers to his chest, a serious expression on his face which was scary enough to insanely worry anyone.
"My name is Dr Robairo, I operated on your son Shawn" he explained before reaching out and shaking each of their hands.
"Who else have we got here then?" He gave a smile as he scanned his eyes from Aaliyah, to Liam and then to me.
"I'm Shawn's girlfriend" I answered to which he simply nodded at before Liam and Aaliyah introduced how they knew Shawn.
"Okay, well I wanted to just talk to you guys about how the surgery went and the possible risks to be aware of when he wakes up" He explained as I furrowed my eyebrows together a little, my hand still remaining wrapped around Shawn's.
"Firstly I want to day that the surgery was a success, and thankfully the bullet in his chest wasn't that deep so it was a pretty easy process to have it removed. However Shawn did lose alot of blood so he may be a little drousy when he wakes up" Dr Robairo explained as all of us listened to him intensely, my heart beating so rapidly.
"There are quite a few complications when it comes to head injuries, and in Shawn's case the bullet had hit a particular nerve in his brain. We managed to remove the bullet and stitch up the wound but there are possible risks considering where the bullet hit Shawn"
"What risks?" Liam asked, his eyes a little wide as he folded his arms across his chest.
"Well until we get his brain scan back we won't a 100% know whether he's sustained any brain damage, but in Shawn's case there is around a 80% chance that he has" Dr Robairo asked causing my head to instantly fall down to my lap.
"Oh my god" Karen gasped.
Feeling my breathing become heavy I felt my hand tighten a little around Shawn's but he returned no sign that he knew I was beside him.
"If he does have brain damage then it may just be a minor problem and it can possibly be fixed over time" the doctor continued.
"But I still want you guys to prepare yourself just incase the worst happen. In cases like Shawn's, patients often experience memory loss. That memory loss can be of an enormity or it can just be the little things"
"What are you saying" I asked quietly as I lifted my head up to look at Dr Robairo.
His eyes sympathized with us as his lips parted to speak once again.
"I'm saying that prepare yourselves for the possibility that when Shawn wakes up he might not be aware of who you guys are"
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It's getting so sad...😭
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