[Harry]
"Fuck, I'm-I'm sorry," I stutter in a whisper. "I'm so sorry Lucy."
"Harry, don't-don’t cry,” I hear her weak voice and my hands cling to her even more.
But it's too late, I'm crying like a fucking baby for Lucy.
Lucinda's fingers gently caress my not well formed curls and I bury my nose deeper into her wet hair. Why does her hair have to smell so fucking good? I think I will cry even more.
"Sorry," I repeated once again.
I would like to say the words and really get forgiveness but is literally impossible.
Now that I think I can't even remember the last time I cried, possibly it was when my dog died about 9 years ago. I definitely never cry because crying is to show weakness. I feel so embarrassed and exposed and I hate this. I don't want her to feel sorry for me; I don't need pity and less from Lucy.
Her arms around me it's relief but at the same time it's driving me crazy. It's a relief because it's Lucy but it drives me crazy because they are too thin for my taste. What the hell is going on with her? Plus I wonder if her fucking boyfriend Eric say anything about it. That fucker.
I sob like a baby on her shoulder and the palms of my hands slide from her back to her ribs and Lucy whimpered. I pulled away quickly and she looked down. I know something is wrong.
"What happened?"
"Nothing," she hugs herself and doesn't dare to look at me.
"Does it hurt?" I tried to touch her ribs but Lucy crawled away from me. "Lucy," I warn while crawling towards her. Her back hits the wall and she places her shoe on my shoulder to stop me to come closer.
"I'm fine," she muttered.
She whimpered because her ribs hurt, she must have some bruise and I need to see it. I don't see the problem because I've already seen her shirtless, like one time in all those months.
"Let me—"
"No," she whispered firmly.
For a few seconds we stayed like this, my eyes roam over her ankle and through her leg and then to her face. Pink painted on her cheeks and lips parted but what catches my attention is the small wound on the end of her lower lip. Right, I have things to do.
"Go to the living room and I'll look for a first-aid kit or something to help with your wounds," I explain before getting up.
I wipe the tears with the back of my hand as I go to the bathroom. I search in the little furniture and there is just alcohol, a couple of band-aid and cotton. I make my way to the living room and she is sitting on the couch.
"I just have this; I hope it's enough,"
Lucy reaches her hand out to me and I frown. "I can help too."
I want to do it because she helped me several times when I was drunk and that crap.
"Come on," she said firmly and I'm incredibly surprised that she has not stuttered or hesitated once.
I pour alcohol on the cotton and handed it to her. Lucy is concentrated in her hands and she slides the cotton around her palms. She frowns a couple of times perhaps is for the alcohol burning on her scraped hands.
Her eyes are still red but she looks determined, more mature and less hesitant. I need to hear her stutter, I used to not like it at first but I learned to love and adore it.
"What?" She asks and I haven't noticed that I've been staring at her all this time.
I shook my head and slipped the cotton on her injured ankle. Scratches not as deep as I thought but enough to bleed.
I grab another cotton once I finished with her ankle. I kneel resting a hand on her forehead and the other on the couch.
"You need to eat something," I mumbled.
"No, I'm fine."
I frowned, she must be kidding. Suddenly I wish to scream at her and ask why she is so thin and that I don't like the way she is now. It was better before, more flesh on her body.
I give a quick glimpse at the freckles decorating her cheekbones and nose and my fingers accidentally slip through her collarbone, her skin icy and probably smelling like rain. I found some courage and kissed her cheek before getting up. For a moment I thought she would slap me, well, it doesn't really matter because I deserve it but nothing happens, Lucy doesn't move a single muscle.
"Be right back," I informed before walking out the door.
I leave the building and it's still raining, damn global warming. I don't know if there will be a small place nearby but after walking a few blocks I finally find a grocery store. I honestly don't know what Lucy would like to eat so I decide for cereals, milk, tea and chocolate bars. Glucose, glucose is the only thing I think.
When I get back she is covered with a blanket and I wonder where she got it. I shake my head and my wet hair spilling water drops, I get rid of my shoes and my socks are wet so I take them off. I go to the kitchen and prepare everything. I walk back with two bowls of cereal and milk and I leave the chocolate bars on the couch.
"If you want tea let me know," I say as I handed the bowl to her.
"I found this," she mutters and beside her is another blanket.
"Thanks," I say embarrassed and I cover my body with the blanket.
Lucy is sitting on the couch and I remain on the floor. We eat with the sound of rain background.
"This is the apartment of your father?"
"Yes, it's been a while since the last time he rented this place."
"You got a new tattoo?" She asks looking at my arm. Well, shit, how does she notice? It is hidden among others. "A heart? Why?" She bows slightly and her fingers touch the black ink. It is a black little heart.
"It's Zayn's fault," I rolled my eyes. "One summer night, we were playing and he was my teammate and he started betting things and one of those was this damn tattoo, he also has it.”
She gave me a curt nod before putting the spoon in her mouth. I grab one of these band-aids and stick it on her bare ankle. My fingers grip her chin and I examined the small bruise on her jaw. It breaks my heart but I must remind myself that it could be worse. I try not to think too much or I will destroy all the room again. My father is going to kill me.
"Why don't you put your glasses?" I shake my hand up high and Lucy raises an eyebrow. "Um, can you see me?"
"Yes, I can see you but I have to force my vision," she responds and takes her glasses from her brown purse. I sigh in relief because her glasses are like the way I remember her and I want to stay on that way.
My cell phone rings in my pocket and I decided to turn it off without seeing who is calling me. I don't think is important, nothing is really important than Lucy.
I remember she's hiding something so I leave the cereal bowl aside and clasped my hands. How do I say it?
"Take off your shirt, Lucy."
What the hell is wrong with me? Urg, I just—uh, I suck, that was definitely the worst way to say it.
"What?" She blushed, her hands clinging to the blanket.
I swallow the lump in my throat as I think more on what I'm about to say.
"It hurt you when I touched you, I just-I just want to see it."
"I am—"
"No, you're not!" I screamed and immediately regret it.
Lucinda leaves her bowl on the floor and the blanket is removed from her body. What? Maybe she's going to take off her shirt? I feel my cheeks blush ridiculously. I was not talking seriously or maybe yes but the thing is I'm not ready.
I was having really stupid thoughts when actually Lucy hugs her legs as her eyes become watery. Oh no.
"I need to talk about what happened."
Oh no, please no, I'm not ready ...I'll probably explode again.
"They-they did horrible things," her voice is barely a whisper.
My fists are clenched and I try to keep my composure.
"Sorry Lucy, I'm so sorry."
"No one ever—I mean, I had never a seen a man beat a woman."
Her words are full of sadness and her sadness soon becomes mine. The feeling is pumped through my veins and reaches my heart. Of course this is shocking for her and she must be traumatized. For a moment I forgot that Lucy has the perfect life, her parents are fucking doctors, she has good grades, she is a good student and a good daughter, she had never had a boyfriend which means she has never suffered for love except for me. She doesn't kill herself with drugs or alcohol and also she has few friends and all of them are loyal...she doesn't know what it is a betrayal or lies or anything related to that. This would never happen in her world and all this happened because of me because I got her into my world.
"He-he hit one of the girls who worked there, it was horrible."
"They chose that Lucy," I muttered and she frowned.
"Why?"
"Some girls like it, they live for it, prostitution and stripping for men and others have no choice."
"That's horrible."
"That's real life."
She looks at me through tears before rubbing her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket.
"You used to go to that place?"
"Yes, but long ago."
"You were going to see these women get naked Harry?" I gave curt nod and looked down. Two years ago I may not be ashamed of that but now I am. "Did you know that they beat them?"
"Not until I saw it."
"Why they kidnapped me?" Lucy swallows audibly and I hug my legs and support my chin on my knee as her. "Why me? And why did he say that next time would be Gemma? This is-is awful Harry, "she sobs quietly and I want to hug her but it would be inappropriate.
"I think I know why," I look away because seeing Lucy sobbing literally is killing me. "They should have seen me with you when we were together, they would never come closer to my friends and you and Gemma are all that I have."
"You don't talk to your sister anymore," she murmured. "And we never were together, I-I doubt I am all you have Harry," she confesses bitterly and her words caught me by surprise.
I didn't realize I said that she is all I have and plus the fact I used the word in present. I'm speechless. I gulped and grabbed the bowl of cereal.
"You're right, it’s past…and how did you know I don't speak with Gemma anymore?”
“I spoke to her,” she answered and there is no more than silence, tortuous and eternal silence.
She rubs her nose with the sleeve of her jacket and then grabs a chocolate bar.
"You have a girlfriend," Lucy muttered and I raised an eyebrow. I'm pissed off, this topic is completely irrelevant. "...A real girlfriend..."
"And you have one," I replied with clenched jaw.
"He is my friend—"
"Your friend?" A bitter laugh escaped from my mouth and I really want to punch Eric on the face. "What are you doing with that idiot?"
"Is not your-your problem."
"Why do you answer that way? What is Eric doing to you? "
"He has done nothing, you did."
Oh my God, that was like a stab and Lucy is twisting the knife. Damn Eric, of course he is behind all this, possibly filling Lucy with bitter and bad thoughts about me and ruining the little reputation I have.
"You never talk this way."
"I can't be stupid forever Harry."
She's not stupid, Lucy could never be stupid.
"You could never be stupid," I muttered as I stir my spoon on the cereal.
"That's how you called me—"
"But you're not!" I exploded angrily, irritated by everything that has happened and for the fact that Eric is with her. “You’re not!” I repeat and I want to convince her.
I try to calm the anger that spreads through my body. I slide my fingers through my hair and then I grabbed another band-aid and stick it in the small wound on her forehead. My hands are empty once I finished and my skin itches for hitting something. Calm down Harry, calm down.
"You should call your mother...you know to tell her you're okay."
"My mother hasn't called me Harry, no one has calling me," she answered tired.
"Are you feeling better? Want some tea? "I asked.
I desperately want to change the subject, I don't want her to attack me anymore, I showed her my weak side crying for her and all the crap that happened today. I lost all my sanity for her and I never thought I would have thought like this but I want to kill Bob. I know I am a person full of hatred and anger for humanity but the thought of killing had never crossed my mind until today. Yes, I realize now that I would kill for her, I would beat anyone for Lucy. Maybe I always knew it but unfortunately we needed to go through this to bring out this thought.
"I'm fine," she answered and sighed. "I want to go home."
What?
"What?"
"Yes, you've done enough and I appreciate it seriously."
"But-but you can't leave," I blurted out and my mind is trying to find some excuse.
"I'm tired and I just want to forget this day."
"You can sleep here," I pointed and she raised an eyebrow.
"I don't want to, I'm fine Harry."
"Could you stop saying that!?" I exploded again because I know she's lying. "That's a bullshit Lucy."
"So what do you want me to say?!" I jumped when she yelled. "I'm not okay and you know it but I don't want to admit it in front of you because you don't deserve it!"
Because you don't deserve it.
Because you don't deserve it.
I feel stupid and really hurt. She is twisting the knife again.
"Don't scream please," I muttered.
"What?"
"Don't do it, you never do it."
She gave me a curt nod and got up from the couch. My eyes follow her, Lucy picks up her shoes, sits on the floor and starts putting them on. She is acting with a determination that I had never seen before but I know that deep down she is scared and confused.
After putting on her shoes Lucinda stares at her legs and suddenly she started to cry. Oh my God, I just—What?
I tossed the blanket aside and in two seconds I'm in front of her, I kneel and Lucinda avoids my gaze.
"Can I, um, can I hold you?" I think it's the best thing I can do right now.
She shakes her head no, but I do it anyway. I pull her body towards me and wrap my arms around her. She struggles against my grip a bit but after a few seconds she gives up.
"Don't cry," I whispered. I guess she is crying for everything that happened; it's hard for her and also for me. “Don’t cry, please,” I whisper on her ear. If she keeps crying I probably will do it too.
"It was horrible, awful Harry," the words came out of her mouth and her tears soaked my shirt.
"I'm so sorry little Lucy, I'm sorry," I replied and my voice is fucking weak and I'll probably cry.
My fingers pull her hair back, I take off her glasses and my lips kiss her cheeks to clean her salty tears.
"Don't do that!" She pushes me and started to cry harder. What did I do? "Don't you ever do that again and don't act that way with me!" She yelled at me and I feel small.
“Lucy—“
"Don't forget that I hate you, I hate you because you used me like a toy!"
How do we get there? I was just trying to be nice.
I pulled her into a hug and her hands hit my chest but after a few eternal seconds she gives up again. I feel useless and stupid, how could I forget that? She hates me and probably always will.
"I need to go home, I need to stay away from you," I hear her weak voice.
I pulled Lucy closer towards me and now her body is resting on my lap. I bury my nose in her hair and close my eyes. Surprisingly Lucy's fingers caress my arm; she slides her touch over my tattoos. It's a cozy feeling.
"I need to go home," she repeated the words but didn't move.
One of my hands rest on her rib cage and she whimpered. I forgot that it hurts to her and this is all because of those fuckers. I smell her hair one more time like a psychopath and then slowly I start to pull her away.
"I'll take you home," I said and she nodded.
Lucy gets off my lap and I put my socks and shoes.
I must admit that despite the fact that Lucy had her relapse she acted like a strong girl, stronger than I was expecting. I really thought tonight would be Lucy curled up against me crying a lot but it was me who curled up on her and cried like a baby.
Our clothes are not wet but still damp. I handed to Lucy the blanket and she wrapped herself in the material without saying a word. I grabbed her bag and followed her to the exit. I must organize this mess later.
We run to my car and my hand grabs Lucy's arm when she was about to fall due to wet ground. She looks at me through her glasses and mumbles a "thank you". After that we get into the car right away. The rain finally is giving up.
The trip to her house is quiet and neither is willing to talk, at least not her but I would like to do it but I'm too stupid.
My knuckles turn white from how hard I'm gripping the steering wheel at this moment. It hurts even more when her house is now in sight. Everything is calm and perfect as any wealthy neighborhood.
"I'll protect you Lucy," I let the words escape as soon as we stop in front of her house.
"Really?" Her voice is sad but her cheeks are flushed.
"I will," I assured. I won't let anyone else get closer to her, what happened today was a horrible accident, an awful mistake. I won't let her pay for what I did in the past.
She unbuckled her seat belt and zipper up her jacket. She took a deep breath and then her eyes are back to me.
"Do I look normal?"
Her face looks perfect as if nothing had happened, her skin is not as pale as before and from where I am the bruise on her jaw is not visible and she only has a band-aid on her forehead where her hair is born. Dark circles adorn her face and her lips have no color but still she looks good, more than good.
"You look good, Lucy."
She nodded with pursed lips.
"Can we…Can we report them?"
"Unfortunately no, we can't, but I'll take care of that."
She nods again and sighs. She plays with her fingers and I know that she is thinking about what to say next.
"I know what they did was horrible," she speaks and her voice cracks.
"I will make them pay for what they did."
"But don't do anything you'll regret later Harry."
I gave a curt nod and in my head I have a thousand ideas of what I would do to that coward of Bob.
"Thanks for today, you took care of me when it wasn't your duty to do it—"
"Of course I would do it Lucy," I interrupt frowning. "And I would do it again if necessary," I confess and my words echo inside the car.
Her eyes again threaten to betray her. Lucy reaches her hand toward me and I think she is going touch my cheek. I wait and wait but it never happens, her arm stay there hanging in the air and then she dropped it.
"Goodbye Harry."
She closed the door and ran to the entrance and got into her house without giving a backward glance.
I hit the steering wheel one more time, feeling quite frustrated and stupid and useless and then I drive to my house. I turn on my phone and I have 2 missed calls from Niall and 20 from Emily. Psycho, after throwing Sherlock's cage...it’s a no from me.
I park my car outside my house and from here I can listen to my friends, they are basically screaming and laughing very loud.
I dialed a number and waited patiently.
"What the fuck?" Speak the voice as soon as he answered.
"Um, hi Marcel, I need to talk to you," I said politely because I don't know how to talk to Marcel.
"What? Well I don't! "He answered with his unbearable voice and I roll my eyes.
"It's about Lucy—"
"Leave her alone or I'll tell your mom!" He squeaked on the line and I feel my patience melts in seconds.
"Can you hear what I have to say you idiot?!" I screamed and he didn't answer. Oh God, thank you. "I need you to take care of her—"
"Well that's what I do, I'm her best friend!"
"I don't think you're doing rit very well," I growled.
"Why are you telling me all this? It's been months! "
"Not your fucking problem, Marcel. Now shut up and listen, I need you to take care of her and keep an eye on Eric. "
"What? What's wrong? He seems like a nice guy."
"Are you joking right? He is an idiot and I need you to keep an eye on her and try to get information from him."
"Why? Lucy seems to like him. "
I was about to throw my phone and rip off the steering wheel.
"I thought you were in love with her, you would do anything for Lucy would you?"
"Hey, don't talk about my feelings! Plus she would never like me, I'm on the friend zone forever," he sighed.
I really feel sorry for him but I don't think Marcel would be appropriate to Lucy.
"Why aren't you stuttering?" I asked confused.
"My social project has helped me a lot!" He replied and from here I can feel his stupid happiness. I swear he is doing that social project since I met Lucy.
"Whatever. Keep an eye on Eric and try to get information from him, whenever he feels threatened he will be sharp and cold is so typical of him. "
"Fine, I will do it for Lucy."
"That's the idea you idiot. One more thing don't make her spend too much time with Eric, he's toxic."
"But they have like a relationship and—"
"I don't give a shit, just do it, okay?"
I snorted and grabbed my keys. "Prove you're Styles."
"What the hell? Don't come with the family name this is not a movie. "
"Just do it! Bye."
I hung up and I walk towards de house. I really don't want to be here but I have no other place to go. I honestly want to disappear for a couple of months or years.
My knuckles have blue bruises and remember the fight and everything that happened today cause waves of anger in me. I started to breathe because if I don't do it I will destroy everything in my house. I swear this has been the worst day of my life because of what happened but it was also good for the fact that I saw Lucy and she screamed she hated me but it was good, I can't complain.
My cell phone rings again and I hope is not Marcel.
"What?" I have no mood to be polite.
"Where the fuck have you been?" Emily barked across the line. "Styles I will cut into pieces!"
Ah shit, back to the fucking real world.
-The chapter was sad to me, they are lost, hurt, broken, sad, confused and there are many words unsaid and their relationship affects me??? idk, it hurts me too.
-Hope you like it and thank you xx