+ + + LUCY
Never in my life I have run so much and I never thought that the reason is a boy. My hair flutters while I'm running. My hands are sweating and my heart beating very fast. I don’t know what to say once I'm in front of Harry. What should I say? Will he be angry or maybe sad or is he going to cry?
Too many thoughts dancing in my head ... and there's only one way to clarify them, I have to reach Harry.
"Harry!" I managed to scream.
I'm just a few feet away. The boy stopped his step and turned to face me.
"WHAT!?" He screams and I stop my step.
"Harry ..." I breathed. "Oh, thanks—"
"What the fuck do you want now?" He screams while waving his hands in the air.
Oh, he is not happy that I chased him. Bad idea, Marcel ... Why I always heard you?
"I just ... just ..." I cannot talk. It's as if suddenly the words do not exist in my mind.
"You want to know how I am!?" He hisses. " What for?! Is not your problem."
"I know ... I just wanted to see it ... like ... you were ..." I want to cry. I can feel that typical lump in my throat.
"And why do you wanna know? Don’t be stupid, you just see what happened. I argued with my mother and that's all."
"Yes but you looked so -"
"is not your fucking problem." He spits. "You're just like the others, a person curious to know what happens to Harry Styles the bad guy." He says, with fury in each of his words.
"N-no! Not that -"
"So what?" Harry roars and I keep my mouth shut. "Speak Lucy, you're not dumb."
Right now I am a true mess, II am barely able to speak. Harry's attitude caught me off guard, I thought he would be happy with my presence but I was wrong. Honestly I never know what to expect with him.
"You still bother me; I'm not in the mood so are you going to talk or what?" He spits and I swallowed hard trying to keep my nerves. I have to say something to him; I'm being like a fool in front of him. "I feel like I'm talking to a wall. If you came to stutter or be quiet, why are you here?" He spits.
"Because I care about you." I finally answer.
And my words surprised me, because they came out with honesty. Yes, I care about Harry ... and I can’t believe I never noticed. Maybe I knew it all the time but never wanted to admit it.
"What?" Harry asks surprised.
"I care about you Harry." I sighed.
+ + + + HARRY.
I'm so furious with the nerd. Why is she following me? Why she doesn't leave me alone?
I don’t need her, I don't need anyone. She's not even talking and it drives me crazy. It's like talking to a wall. I bet she is here because curiosity. Just for her fucking curiosity, it is always the same.
"I feel like I'm talking to a wall. If you came to stutter or be quiet, why are you here?" I spit.
"Because I care about you." Lucy replies. Her words make sense and I feel like someone hit me in the stomach.
What? Is this a fucking joke? What she just said? Lucinda cares about me?
"What?" I asked almost stumped by her words.
"I care about you Harry." She sighed.
My eyes meet hers and all I see is real and pure concern. I can tell she is about to cry but why?
"It broke my heart to see you like, um, I just... I couldn’t let you go without knowing whether you were right ..." She stutters with watery eyes. Why? No...she is lying.
"No…don’t cry." I whispered as she wiped away a tear. "Please."
And the next thing she does is hug me. Lucy rushes over me, she wraps her little arms around my waist and buries her head in my chest. I froze, not knowing what to do. For some reason I can’t believe she is hugging me but I'm surprised because ... I like her embrace.
+ + + + + + LUCY
Harry hugged so tight; I was afraid he faded away. Harry doesn’t wrap his arms around me and I think that's a sign. I step back and look into his eyes. I guess he didn’t want me to hug him.
"Do you...want to do something?" I asked, embarrassed as I wiped a tear.
I wanna know what happened, maybe I could help him, even though I suck comforting people but I don’t want to push him.
"Something like what?" He asks, raising an eyebrow.
"I don’t know, whatever." I honestly don’t know what can we do, I'm not good comforting people, I am clumsy and I never know what to say, not my thing.
"Okay." He nods. “Marcel the little nerd doesn’t care that you're here?"
"No," I shook my head. "He was worried about you too."
Harry laughs. "Sure." I ignore his sarcastic reaction when an idea popped in my head
"Okay, come on. I know what to do."
+ + + + + + +
"Oh come on Harry."
"This is not fun."
"Don’t be cruel. I'm trying to cheer you up."
"With ice cream?" Harry asks as he raised an eyebrow.
"Yes," I shrug. "In movies they always eat ice cream when they are depressed."
"I'm not depressed." He frowns. We crossed the automatic door of the supermarket and walked across the parking lot.
"Where do we go now?"
"Let's walk, let’s go to the park that is right here." He nods and we continue walking.
"Do you eat ice cream when you're depressed?"
"Sometimes." I shrug. We crossed the street and we slipped through a small park that is front of the supermarket.
When I got here last year, I went around the city with Madison or at least that was what Mike thought. Madison left me alone and I walked up here. This place is nice and relaxing. I really like to lie down on the grass and watch the sky.
"You're not good comforting to people." Harry's voice pulls me out of my thoughts.
His comment offends me and I am surprised at the same time, I can’t believe he's noticed that I suck to comfort someone. But why? Because I bringing him here to eat ice cream?
"I try to do my best." We walked across the lawn and I stop. "Let’s stay here." We both sat face to face with our legs crossed.
"I like brownie." I said before I throw a little piece of ice cream on my mouth.
"Um." Harry said without looking at me.
He has been complaining since I brought him to the supermarket. I'm really trying because I don’t know how to deal with people. I barely know how to deal with Cassie and Marcel, they are my only friends.
"Any favorite ice cream?" I asked, trying to create some conversation.
"I prefer beer." He replies coldly.
I sighed. "You'd rather be now drinking in a bar?" Harry nods and I shake his head in defeat. I grab my bag and get up.
"Where are you going?" Harry asks angrily as he grabs my hand.
"I'm trying to...help or support you... I don’t know but ... um, you don’t seem to want me here with you." I said, trying not to stutter but the attempt was in vain.
"Oh, shit, no, I'm sorry. Of course I want you to stay here; it's just...I am not in the mood. "He says between tangled words. I nodded, sighed and sat back down. "What were you doing with Marcel at the bakery?" He asks, also trying to create a conversation.
"Marcel's mother ordered a cake; she was going to meet some friends."
"So typical, stupid Marcel and his stupid and perfect life. " Harry complains and throws a piece of ice in his mouth.
I shook my head and lay down on the grass to watch the sky.
"Today was a shitty day." Harry mutters while he lies down next to me on the lawn. I bite my lip, have him by my side...makes me feel insecure and nervous.
"Um, seriously?" I barely managed to say.
"Yes. I failed on a test and my mother will not give me money. "
"And your father?"
Harry laughs. "He is traveling and he doesn’t answer my calls." I nodded and I tried to control my breathing. "I can swear that from here I can hear your heart beating," He teases. "will you stay in silence again?"
"N-no." I sighed. "If you want I can help you study for your next exam." I see from the corner of my eye that Harry just nods.
"This is relaxing."
"Look at the sky?" He nods. "I know, is the immediate peace."
"Have you ever felt worthless?" Harry asks, drastically changing the topic of the conversation. I turn my head towards him and I observe his symmetrical profile.
"Story of my life."
"Why? Your life is perfect. "He says, frowning at the sky.
"No," I sighed. "Why would it be? You don’t even know me Harry. "
"Your parents are doct-"
"My mother and my stepfather." I interrupt.
Mike is a great person but I don't like when people referred him as my father.
"You don't like Mike?" Harry asked turning his face towards me.
His emerald gaze is not intense but when his eyes meet mine I held my breath.
"Mike is a great guy and we get along pretty well but he is not my father and he will never be." I reply quietly.
"Do you miss your father?" I nod in response.
Wait a minute, why is he asking me this? Supposedly I should do that.
"What about you?.. do you miss someone?"
"My aunt.." I looked at him waiting for him to continue speaking. "She died of cancer."
Oh god.
"I'm sorry Harry." I whispered.
"Do you really care about me?" Harry asked as he turned his eyes towards the sky. "The only people that care about me were my aunt and my sister and I just care about my cat until he died."
What's wrong with the fact that I care about him?
"People care about other people Harry." I sighed. "It's something natural." He nods and he remains silent. "Don’t you care about your parents?" Harry shakes his head.
How can he say that? I think it's very cruel. Sometimes I don’t get along so well with my mother but at the end of the day she is my mother, she gave me life, thanks to her I'm here.
"I hate them." He mumbles.
"Hate is a strong word." Harry rolled his eyes at my words. "How can you live with them then? You broke those dishes at the bakery of your mother; she is not going to ground you?”
In response to my question Harry just bursts out laughing. I sit and observe some people look at us. Harry is laughing so hard.
"What did I say?" I asked, blushing violently. Harry rests a hand on his stomach and the other hand wipes a tear from his eye.
"I don’t live with my parents." He said, sitting next to me. Our shoulders rub and my hands begin to shake. "I live with my friends."
With his friends? I didn't expect that. So who is the owner from that house? How could his parents let him live alone? Doesn't he feel...abandoned?
"Oh..." I said, puzzled. "What about your sister?"
"She didn't want to live with me." Harry shrugged.
"Does she live with your mother?"
"No, my mother threw her out of the house and she decided to leave too."
"Why?"
"Mom kicked her out of the house because she is a lesbian."
Oh...this is too much for me, too much to swallow in one. In short, Harry doesn't live with his parents, he doesn't have a good relationship with them and his mother didn't want her sister because she is a lesbian.
"I think she is bisexual but is the same shit." Harry says."Maybe mom didn't love her but I do. Our relationship is difficult but... she's all I got left. "
Harry is definitely a very lonely soul. How he can resist that? I don’t know what I would do in his position. I couldn’t live alone without mom or dad, I couldn’t tolerate that mom or dad kicked out of the house, Daniel, my brother. It would simply be too much for me, I couldn’t stand it.
Harry is lonely but he is strong and I'm lonely but weak. There is no resemblance between us
The simple fact to hear him speak of his family made me feel important; I didn’t think he would talk something about his family or about him.
"Thanks...for trusting me." I whispered.
+++++ HARRY.
This has been a odd afternoon, an unexpected afternoon I must admit. I just argued with my mother, as usual, and ended up here in a park next to Lucinda.
"Thanks ... for trusting me." She whispered.
I'm about to reply that I don’t trust her but I stay silent when I realize that that's exactly what I did. I told her a little about my mother, about Gemma and she told me a little about her. I guess she trust in me too, right?
This is new to me; I almost never talk about my problems with someone else other than Gemma but the little things that I told her just escaped from my lips. Maybe I trust her.
+++++ LUCY.
Harry just shrugs at my response. We stood in silence a few seconds just staring at each other. Normally I would feel intimidated to look straight in the eye for so long to someone, but right now I don't feel like that with Harry. We are silent but is not even an awkward silence. It is just a pause, a break.
I can barely feel the wind blow my hair. I stare at his perfect face. All I can see are his emerald eyes and I don't see anger or coldness, I see heaven in his eyes, a calm that almost terrifies me.
The boy looks down at my lips and then back to meet my eyes. I feel as if he was asking permission to kiss me and in answer I gently nod. And that was different, completely different.
Harry leans toward me and I stopped breathing. One hand cupped my cheek as I feel his lips touching mine. Before he can kiss me we are interrupted by the sound of his phone.
We moved away from each other abruptly. My cheeks burn with shame and I looked away from him. What I was about to do?
"What do you want?" Harry said, when he answers the phone. "Really? Oh, okay, bye. "Harry hangs up and I turn my gaze to him. "I need to go." He tells me as he gets up.
What?
"Oh, okay." I whispered.
Harry grabbed our things. I got up and grabbed my backpack. We walked in silence back to the parking lot where his car is parked. Harry didn't say anything and I didn't dare too, what is he thinking?
"I'll walk." I said when we stop in front of his car.
"What? Don't you want a ride? "He asked surprised. I shook my head; I don't want to be with him. "Don't you want the ice cream? We barely ate. "
"No, no thanks." We remain silent and this time it is an awkward silence.
He opens the door and looks at me waiting for me to say something. His silence tortures me and it feels like a stab in my heart.
"Bye Harry." I managed to say. After that I turn on my heel and I walked quickly away from him.
I'm not going to look back, I can't do it. What was I about to do? I almost kissed Harry. Why?
I've been trying to avoid it, to get away from him; Harry is nothing more than the definition of the word "trouble", but I ended up here, sitting next to him, talking about ourselves and just about to kiss him. What would have happened if the phone hadn’t stopped us? Would I have kissed Harry?
What a shame. I think hiding my face in my hands as I walk.
I don’t want to think about everything that happened but my mind brings the memories over and over again. All I can see is Harry's face only inches of mine and his lips touching mine. The worst thing is that…I wanted to kiss him, I really wanted to do it and that scares me. I try to avoid some thoughts because I know the reason why I wanted to kiss him.
I want to deny it to myself but I think it is too late.
I don't know what he wants from me, I don't know what he thought as he bent to kiss me or if he trusts me. I don't know anything Harry, don't know what to expect from him...but one thing I'm sure, something new is growing inside me. Something that is hidden behind every beat of my heart, when I see Harry or when my hands sweat or when I can't talk.
I think I can't deny it...
I feel something for Harry Styles.
+++++